There’s A Damn Cobra On The Loose In Austin, Texas

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If you live in Austin, keep your head on a swivel.

Authorities are on the lookout for a monocled cobra that’s believed to be responsible for the death of an 18-year-old man who was found unresponsive in his car in a Lowe’s parking lot. Police believe the victim owned the cobra as a pet, but were unable to locate the terrifying serpent at the scene.

Per KVUE in Austin, police will search the Lowe’s Garden Center tomorrow at 8 a.m. for the beast. Maybe I’m being overdramatic, but I’d probably shut down the entire area immediately because of the deadly venomous snake on the loose. I’m not trying to get iced by some terrifying devil creature while I look for new kitchen flooring and talk to a kind old man about installing it myself.

Austin police have warned that the cobra is highly aggressive, you know, since it’s a FUCKING COBRA. Monocled cobras are generally found in Asia, so being new to Austin, I’m guessing this guy is probably trying to soak up some of the local flavor. My thinking is that they’ll either find him blasting cigs next to an authentic Mexican food truck or on the back of a pedicab en route to Icenhauer’s on Rainey. .

Image via Shutterstock

[via KVUE]

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Dave

Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.

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