The World Is Ending Because Bedazzled Bridal Selfie Sticks Are A Thing Now

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I used a selfie stick at Austin City Limits two weeks ago, and yeah, I fucking liked it. It was fun. The novelty of it was not only entertaining after I drank a squirt bottle of chardonnay, but it allowed us to take photos in a crowd full of people who were probably asking, “Who is that weird old guy with a selfie stick?”

But this? This is too far. This is way too fucking far. They’re not making decorated selfie sticks for brides to record themselves with while they walk down the aisle. Don’t believe me because you don’t want to? I get it. But here, see for yourself:

I have questions. Lots of questions. First, why is the bride wearing headphones? Second, what’s wrong with just having a wedding photographer that’s going to over-edit the photos for you? Third, when you’re showing your kids photos at your twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, how are you going to explain that dumb-ass dildo-looking bejeweled camera wand that you were carrying down the aisle to your kids? And lastly, where does this bride work out? Her back is impeccable.

But if you invite me to your wedding and have the gall to bust out one of these in my presence, I’m walking out and taking my plus-one with me. And if you receive a wedding gift from me in the coming weeks, it’s probably an envelope of anthrax or a homemade bomb. .

[via Four Pins]

Image via Facebook

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Will

Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.

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