There’s never been a time in my life where poor grooming has kept me from engaging in extracurricular activity with someone. That’s not a brag either – I’m actually quite ashamed of it in hindsight because I got to thinking about it late last night and I really had no idea the lengths that women are willing to go for men. Like, just consider blow jobs for a second. The word “job” is in the title, how much fun could that possibly be?
The other day I was watching some mindless television show and a commercial came on for this birth control that goes inside of a woman’s arm. It lasts for a few years and it just looks like a tiny piece of plastic. Birth control is probably the most obvious example of women going out of their way to please a man, and I know that it’s a touchy subject for some people but I think it’s important that I mention it because outside of getting a vasectomy, there isn’t really anything that men can do about preventing a woman from becoming pregnant (other than wearing a condom, obviously).
The daily reminders to take the birth control, the visits to OB/GYN’s office to make sure that everything is in working order… it all just sounds so exhausting. Could you imagine if doctors started telling men that they had to put a piece of plastic in their arm for three, four, or five years so that their sperm wouldn’t reproduce? We’d have hissy fits. I mean, I bitch and moan about a yearly check up with my family doctor where I lie about how many drinks per week I have. If I had to start seeing an OB/GYN, I’d be complaining non-stop.
And then there’s the waxing. Blame men and blame the media for unrealistic beauty expectations. Whoever is at fault should be ashamed. That being said, I am appreciative of the waxing. It’s awesome. Could I do it? Absolutely not. We’ve all seen The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I’m all set, thanks.
I touched on poor grooming above and you should have already known exactly what I was talking about. Pubic hair. Another touchy subject, I know, but I think a lot of men get too caught up in their partners having Brazilians every time they have sex. It’s unrealistic, expensive, and hypocritical when the only thing men do is maybe, MAYBE, take an old beard trimmer to their meat and two veg every month or so.
Bush is back in a big way as of late, and while I can honestly say that I’m not a huge fan of it, having a bush or even just a little bit of hair down there is not a deal breaker for me, nor should it be for you. Here’s the bottom line: if we’re naked and about to get down to business, an unwaxed bathing suit region isn’t going to deter me.
I don’t care what kind of high-end sugar wax you’re using – getting waxed sounds absolutely miserable. That’s not to mention the fact that a full waxing costs upwards of a hundred dollars a month (and rest assured your girlfriend does do it once a month because once you start getting waxed you can’t go back to just regular shaving). There’s a higher chance of developing ingrown hairs when you do this sort of waxing and then try to go back to shaving with a razor which means that girls are spending around a thousand dollars a year just so that the guys they have sex with won’t see any hair on their nether regions.
And then there’s the makeup. Another expense that men simply don’t. have. to. deal. with. Hours upon hours spent fine tuning how to get a proper cat eye and figuring out if lipstick is the move on this particular Friday night or if a balm of some sort would be a better look.
Outfit changes, worrying about what they’ll look like from certain angles, and even, on occasion, sacrificing a great outfit on some shitty sports bar to watch fucking football with you. It’s all ridiculous and I just wanted to say that I truly appreciate it. The amount of shit that women put up with and put themselves through to be looked at adoringly by men is outside the realm of comprehension and, for that, I have to say this: thank you.
Are all of these things I mentioned pretty absurd when you really think about it? One hundred percent. Are they also awesome? I mean birth control is an amazing drug. And is waxing, while incredibly unnecessary in my eyes, cool as fuck? One hundred percent.
Could you possibly find me hammered drunk at a bar in Chicago this weekend belting out the lyrics to “Who Run The World? (Girls)” by Beyonce? Hundo p. .
Image via Youtube