======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Oh, roommates. You can’t live with them, but is it actually better to live without them?
After a few ridiculously awful roommate experiences, I decided it was time to strike out on my own. There was the roommate whose boyfriend tried to get in bed naked with me, on purpose, while she was in the room. So romantic, but I had to pass. Then, the housemate whose gentleman caller went to the bathroom in our shower, tearing the curtain down while leaving a special surprise inside the tub (spoiler alert: it was #2). The roomie in question told me she used a Swiffer to clean it up, so it was sanitary. Finally, there was the girl who refused to leave our shared dining room, and would sit there 24/7 without moving, silently staring at me, when she unexpectedly went off her meds. All really pleasant experiences.
So, as you can see, I thought it was time for a change, and that change was no roommate at all, which is perfectly fine most of the time, except for the part where living alone is just that – lonely. Here are the pros and cons of life without a roommate.
Pro: Being naked is the norm. Whether it’s because there’s literally no feeling like unhooking your bra at the end of the day, or have so much laundry to do that there’s nothing even vaguely clean to put on, you’ve learned that clothes are always entirely overrated.
Con: You’re seriously considering Life Alert.
Pro: You can make a mess like nobody’s business. You don’t have to concentrate it to your bedroom, and there’s no one to passively aggressively suggest that you pick up after yourself.
Con: Cooking for one is the worst.
Pro: You can decorate however you want, and don’t have to coordinate with the hideous rug someone’s grandma gave them.
Con: It’s ridiculously lonely to come home to an empty apartment every single day, and what if it’s forever?
Pro: If you bring home a particularly regrettable member of the opposite sex, there’s no one there to judge you, and there’s no walk of shame involved.
Con: You worry that your life of independence means you’ll never be able to live with someone again, which means that you’ll never get married, which means that you’ll be forever alone.
Pro: You’ve learned how to be entirely independent. You can kill cockroaches, flip your mattress, and pay your bills without a problem. You’re basically Beyonce.
Con: Having a roommate means you always have someone to do things with. Not having one means you’re constantly texting, Facebook chatting, and planning just so you can see another human’s face.
Pro: There’s no one to get passive aggressive with. There’s nothing like living with someone and slowly starting to despise them. Before you know it you’re bringing your own roll of toilet paper into the bathroom with you because how hard is it to go to Wally World and buy TP FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE???
Con: Your adult life does not resemble Friends, or any other sassy sitcom.
Pro: No passive aggressive post-it notes in your future (unless someone in your office is leaving them for you).
Con: You often wonder at what age you become a spinster, and if there’s a female equivalent of bachelor, because that just sounds way more fun, and if not it’s a term you’re going to invent.
Pro: You don’t live with a bunch of random roommates you hate, you can do whatever you want, whenever you want to, once you get home there’s no one who can tell you what to do.
Respond
The fruit flies are my friends.
Con: No rental income.