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It’s tough out there. Everyone hates each other, the stock market ticker looks like the Space Mountain roller coaster at Disney World, and there’s that one dick in every office who keeps getting promoted despite never doing any work. So how are we supposed to get through the day? By perusing the internet, of course. And because I love all of you, I decided to hit up my fellow PGP remote writers to find out what Twitter accounts are their go-tos when they need a little spirit boost.
One of my favorite twitter accounts hasn’t posted since 2012, but the history of @ghettohikes makes it one of my all-time favorite accounts. @YourAwayMessage
is a wonderful dose of nostalgia, and @DogsJobs is an amazing account of therapy dogs, various service dogs, and all around great boys and girls. But when I really need a pick me, it’s time to search (stalk? Who, me?) @PeterKrausWI.
Jenna Note: Miss Mackay texts me pictures of Peter when I have a bad day, so obviously I support this choice.
"Is rabbits eatable? Or you just s'posed to cuddle the fuck outta them?"
— Ghetto Hikes (@GhettoHikes) February 20, 2012
d0NT crii becuz itz 0VER.
SM!LE becuz it hAPPENEd.
– aUDREY. hEPBURN. (0R SOME1) –
— your away message (@YourAwayMessage) October 6, 2017
K-9 Officer Rocky of the Boston Police works the Fenway Park shift pic.twitter.com/MFQTUmjAdY
— Dogs With Jobs (@DogsJobs) October 29, 2018
— Peter Kraus (@peterkrauswi) October 23, 2018
Anybody who’s a working professional has been subjected to the self-important circle-jerk known as LinkedIn. @BestofLinkedin screen caps some of the worst offenders: the liars, lesson teachers, the “and here’s what I learned” and mocks them publicly. They’re also compiled and written by one of PGP’s writers and all around funny guy JR Hickey.
Jenna Note: Anyone surprised JR picked his own parody account? Anyone?
— The Best of Linkedin (@BestofLinkedin) October 11, 2018
@dog_rates is an account made to appreciate what makes the good boys & girls so good. No dog gets a score below an 11/10, because that’s exactly how it should be. The account celebrates this one fact: everyone believes their dog is the best dog, and everyone is right. Everyone loves dogs, but the specific humor of with @dog_rates makes the puppers that much more enjoyable.
Jenna Note: Myself, Miss Mackay and Katie all picked @Dog_Rates, but Katie got there first, so Miss MacKay and I had to go back to our drawing boards. But if the three of us love it, won’t you?
This is Chester. He will help you check out. Hopes you found everything you were looking for today. Wondering if you’d like to donate a dollar to the good boy fund. 13/10 I would, yes pic.twitter.com/5Ka5zTx1LF
— WeRateDogs™ (@dog_rates) October 17, 2018
My favorite twitter account to follow is @walterowensgrpa. Unfortunately, Obamacare made his grandson (Owen) gay. Follow Walter if you want to hear all about an elderly man’s takes on the current political climate. For example, in a normal political world, when a foreign adversary listens to our sitting president’s phone conversations because he is too stupid to follow protocol, Walter comes in to put our fears to rest.
Jenna Note: There was a while when my Fox News loving uncle stayed with me after hip surgery because I have a first-floor bedroom and bathroom. This Twitter account is basically like that without having someone ask me where I was going every time I left the house.
I do not know why the liberal’s are so upset that China people have been listening to Trump ( the President) phone ,, they cannot understand what he is saying as they do not speak the language !! Very clever Mr. President Sir ,, AMERCIA FIRST !! 🇱🇷🇱🇷
— Walter(Owen's Grandp (@walterowensgrpa) October 25, 2018
The best account on Twitter is @edsbs. If you enjoy hilarity pertaining to college football, pop culture/wrestling references, etc, then check it out.
Jenna Note: Leave it to the single dad to come in with the shortest write up possible, but I appreciate the effort and the new addition to my Twitter feed.
The Bills are that retail space in a busted strip mall that just runs seasonal stores
— BUM CHILLUPS (@edsbs) October 30, 2018
Katie stole my original choice, so I’m going with @dog_rates companion account, @dog_feelings. A feel-good account for anyone that’s ever wondered what their furry friend is thinking, it’s the only account I have notifications enabled for, because sometimes you just want to know what’s up with the Skittle under the fridge.
A close runner up for me is @IvePetThatDog, which is run by 10-year-old Gideon and features pictures and little write-ups of dogs he’s pet. It’s simple and pure and makes me jealous of a 10-year-old kid.
gooooob morning. it is a new day. a new chance. for you to change the world. i would do it myself. but then who would watch the skittle. under the fridge
— ♡ Thoughts of Dog (@dog_feelings) October 8, 2018
I pet Molly Malone. She is a 9 year old pampered princess. Molly eats everything. She loves to eat pumpkins. She has eaten a loaf of French bread, and 4 lbs of tomatoes (twice!). Molly ate an entire bag of Hershey’s kisses. She didn’t get sick, but her poop sparkled for days. pic.twitter.com/bUi1BT1DVj
— I've Pet That Dog (@IvePetThatDog) October 22, 2018