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“Since when do you like pickles? You don’t eat pickles, what are you doing?”
We’ve all been there. You’re out to eat with your mom and dad and you reach for something your mother knows you used to hate as a small child. I think for every mother, there is an inherent desire to look at their children as they were in their purest form. Innocent, naive, and possessing a very rudimentary palate.
I’m not exactly sure when or how this happened, but at some point right around my graduation from college, the relationship between my parents and I changed drastically. It was a paradigm shift that I never saw coming and quite frankly, am a little disappointed about. The one and only thing I do with both of my parents at the same time anymore is go out to eat. How did we get here? It didn’t used to be like this. As a child (and even as an adolescent teen), I would do things with my mom and dad. We’d go for bike rides, hit up a matinee, or I don’t even know what the hell we would we do. But I do know it wasn’t like this when I was still living under the same roof as them.
Now when I visit home or they come to see me in whatever place I’m living in at the time our entire day revolves around where we’ll be eating. It’s gotten to new levels of absurdity in recent years where I feel I need to address the problem next time I see them. And part of that is definitely my fault.
I haven’t lived in an apartment during or after college (up until now) that my mother would even step foot into to use the bathroom. The places I lived in? You couldn’t get her in there with a hazmat suit on and for good reason.
So do I need to be hosting my parents at my apartment more often? That’s essentially just moving the problem from a restaurant to my living room, though. Like, yeah, I could easily have my mom and dad over for a late lunch or dinner at my new spot but we’re still just eating food and watching whatever golf tournament is going on that particular weekend.
I’d take them golfing, but old age, my dad’s bad back, and my mom’s general lack of interest in playing the game aren’t really conducive to even squeezing a quick nine in with them.
I’d take them out drinking, but how long is that realistically going to last? I crush Manhattans with my dad all the time. I’ll have a few glasses of white on the rocks with my mom. But they’re hitting a wall after two or three drinks.
The sights are great, but we’d knock that out in less than a day and then what? I’m back to square one. Plus they get tired, and (more importantly) cranky very quickly. We’ll be up and around checking out the city by 9:30 or 10:00 a.m., have lunch, and by 2:00 p.m. they’re back in their hotel room getting a quick power nap in.
Breakfast, lunch, and dinner are painstakingly planned out. If there’s a new restaurant in or around my hometown you better believe my parents are going to get us reservations for 5:15 p.m. on the nose. Is 5:15 a little bit early for me to be eating dinner? Absolutely, yes. I’m used to eating dinner at 7 or 8 o’clock, but I get it. The older you get the less inclined you are to be outside of your home after the sun sets.
Look, don’t get me wrong, I love my parents. But I’ve been at my wits end trying to figure out what I’m going to do with them when they get into Texas next month for five days. Outside of eating and watching those fucking bats fly out from under the bridge, I’m at a loss. Hopefully, I can find a couple of solid restaurants to drink Manhattans at. .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
When mom’s in town we talk about what we’re having for dinner while eating lunch.
Glad to know your lack of creativity isn’t just with clothes, but also with entertaining.
I don’t like you
Drive down about an hour south and disappoint them with The Alamo.
Hey now….nothing disappointing about The Alamo.
Extremely important historical landmark? Yes. Tiny remains of a once vast military fortress with really not all that much to see in terms of exhibits? Also yes.
Have you seen the basement though?
Well it was a lot nicer before Santa Anna decided to level the fucking place with me inside it!
Eh its a 300+ year old fort/mission. Only thing left of it is the mission part but for it to around even after all that time and turmoil not bad. It wasnt a vast fortress really it was like maybe 3-ish acres in area. There are 3 other missions/forts around SA better maintained and more intact. Plus they built a D&B like one block over from it so thats cool.
Take em out to Jacobs Well in Wimberly then grab some BBQ at the Salt Lick. Plus dont think it matter what ya do with em as long as you spend time with em. Make em feel like theyre still a relevant part in your life. The parents youre born to can be a dice roll. Some are good and some not so great. So if you lucked out and got the first ones just appreciate them cause theres plenty of people who wish to be stuck in your shoes JD.
PS
Stop drinking Miller Lites and start drinking Lone Star
Yes. You’re parents likely don’t give a shit what you’re doing as long as it’s something together. I live really close to my parents so I see them once a week usually. But my sister moved to St Louis (from Chicago) and the majority of family time we spend tigers is just sitting around talking.
What the fuck guys, don’t tell him about places I sometimes go to.
When bring friends to Austin, a trip to Salt Lick is always on the itinerary.
True and better yet is introducing northerners to delight that is the breakfast taco
Check out the winery at a Salt Lick and then grub on some BBQ. If things get boring hit up some shopping at the outlets and get rid of your God awful style of clothes.
Jacob’s Well. Perfect. Or Barton Springs… head to Chuy’s after. Or head down south on the corridor to New Braunfels. Gruene is a perfect place to bring the rents. Gristmill, Gruene Hall, Oma’s. And the pristine, cold rivers and springs? That’s how we survive these summers. Might wanna ditch the wool socks though…
Take your parents to the Texas/Mexico border and give them a little history lesson and tour about how this is where much of the drugs that are consumed in America come from, point over to the maimed body hanging from an overpass and tell them that this what happens when you don’t make a delivery, fuck UPS dropping the package in front of the garage instead of the front door, right!? Then partake in some free samples from the border patrol before they sell it off themselves.
Forgot about the donkey shows Nived_Neirbo
A couple months ago my parents came to Chicagoland to visit, mom and wife shopped, so dad and I just walked around the city; ended up on the trail by the lake, talking about whatever, and admiring the scenery and the “scenery”. Great afternoon.
using PGP to get ideas from strangers you’ve never met on how to entertain the people who raised you.. total #PGP
Try “The Escape Room”
https://theescapegameaustin.com
It’ll kill about an hour or so, and give you something else to talk about at dinner after you’re done. Did it as a team building exercise and actually really enjoyed it.
Same. I feel like if I could just separate my old man from my mom for a few hours, we could have a fun time that isn’t centered around eating.
Until I figure out how to do that, our meetings will continue to consist of “helpful” criticisms of my life over $15-20 entrees.
You just moved, dude. Have your Dad help you build your bookshelf or some other crap and then have your mom help you pick out a new piece of furniture or art for the walls. If she has to do some light “crafting” to make it look good, more’s the better because it kills more time. I know I’m a girl but that’s what my parents do when they come over and the rules can’t be that different. Also, movies. The vast majorities of movies I watch are with my parents.