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I once got dumped while my then-girlfriend watched me eat a Chipotle burrito next to the pool at her mom and dad’s house. She had just gotten home from being abroad, and summer was upon us. Full of beans, barbacoa, and tortilla, I was shell-shocked. But looking back on it, it was the perfect time to get dumped. No one likes having a significant other in college as it is, and having one over the summer was pretty much the worst.
But as it turns out, that’s not the time of year you’re statistically most likely to get dumped. Is it top ten? Yes. But number one? Well, it’s right upon us so hold onto yo’ butts.
December 11th.
Two weeks before Christmas is the most likely day to get your ass kicked to the curb as decided by some statisticians who looked at Facebook statuses and posts. And while I thought the only people who actually updated their Facebook relationship statuses anymore were above the age of fifty, I’m actually going to believe this information because it’s incredibly logical.
Look at you. You just got a taste of what being home felt like over Thanksgiving. You were wheeling and dealing at that hometown bar and for that one Wednesday night, you were the cock of the walk. Now? You’re heading back to the ol’ stomping grounds for a week over Christmas because, hey, you’ve got some saved up vacations and flights are expensive. Your ex-girlfriend was looking pretty good but you had a girlfriend so she was off-limits. Now? Well, now that you’re single as of December 11th, you’ve got all the time in the world to fire off one of those, “Great seeing you over Thanksgiving! Going to be back over Christmas?” texts that’s going to lead you to making out in your mom’s driveway come December 23rd.
Parlay that with the fact that you don’t have to buy anyone a gift besides your immediate family? Sign, sealed, delivered. Whoever came up with the concept of cuffing season was the dumbass buying expensive gifts for someone he just met. The genius who promoted his friends to all dump their girlfriends around Christmas a la a reverse American Pie? That’s the guy who gets it. .
[via Mirror UK]
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
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If my girlfriend saw how many times I’ve Sup’d Taylor, I would probably be single by December 11th.
Not having a GF to worry about being dumped #PGP
Wow, took a little break from the site, and I come back to a brave new turquoise world. Or teal maybe? Aqua? I’m so scared and alone.
And the comments are chopping words in half without even a hyphen? Jesus.
Yes?
At least some things don’t change.
I try to keep it real
Single and tho still kinda makes me nervous.
What?
*This. Back off, fam
Not only that, but I’ve heard a new study out of the Bay Area has also shown that girls are much less likely to consider dates as the year ends. With a bevy of holiday and new year parties on the horizon most are just too busy to get ready and go out, let alone consider starting a relationship. The best strategy in any case is ignore the endless declines, keep up with your workouts for a fresh start in the new year, and drink yourself stupid so you can put out more content.
I’ve also heard the guy running this study is handsome and charming, and definitely not the author of any “Christmas Beers” articles you may or may not see on this site (title pending)
Need to know the day most likely to start a new relationship. I mean, not for me or anything. Just for, like, general knowledge and stuff
Ren is always going to be out of your league, Beans.
100 Days of Summer is so infuriating.
But you know whats not infuriating? Zoe Deschanel.
I’m mostly shocked that you’re a Barbacoa guy. Strong move, deFries
Jokes on you I’m already single wait…
…Todd are you getting this?