The ‘Merry Christmas’ Text Is Your Key To Getting Laid In 2017

The 'Merry Christmas' Text Is Your Key To Getting Laid In 2017

With Christmas and New Year’s on the horizon, the holiday season once again presents single men and women around the world a golden opportunity to hop on the bang bus in 2017. What am I talking about, you may ask? It’s time to discuss the holiday mass text.

It’s about to be Christmas, so what better gift could you give a potential future lover than a message reading “Merry Christmas, [Insert Name Here!]”? This small gesture of well-wishing lets the other person know that you were thinking of them, and maybe that’s all the spark you’ll need. It’s almost unheard of to not receive a response to the Merry Christmas text, and once you get the response, it’s up to you to determine how to proceed from there.

Did you get a bland, run of the mill “Merry Christmas” response, or were there a few exclamation points tagged on the end of it next to a Santa emoji? These small details may seem trivial, but in reality they could be the signal that there’s something more there.

The Merry Christmas text is best used on people that you haven’t spoken to in a while, like a former flame in college, or that guy or girl you grabbed drinks with once where it went well, but you missed out on the one week window to get together again. Worst case scenario, the other person thinks it’s weird that you’re texting them out of the blue, but it’ll also get them thinking about you again. That’s all it takes, and if you get a promising response, the conversation can take off from there. Ask about if they got anything good this year, how long they’re home for the holidays, and if you’re feeling bolder, what are their plans for New Year’s?

For the Happy New Year text, a similar approach applies. Depending on their response, feel free to inquire about their resolutions and then a week or two later ask how that rigorous gym schedule they had planned is going.

The best part about this, though? It’s not just relegated to Christmas, New Year’s, or even Hanukkah, where you text them each on each of the eight days about how it’s going. The holiday method can be applied year round, to differing levels of effectiveness. Mid-January? Fire off that “Happy MLK Day” text. Feeling like living on the edge around mid-February? Send out a “Happy Valentine’s Day!” text to all the single people in your contacts that you’re interested in to get some entertaining replies at the very least. About a week later you can hit them with a “Happy President’s Day” and by then St. Patrick’s Day will be less than a month away.

As you can see, the holiday season never really ends, and neither do the opportunities to send someone you like or find attractive a text. You could just text them out of the blue on any other day, but at least this provides a safe rekindling for those of you out there who haven’t gotten used to the harsh sting of rejection yet.

Also, notice how I’ve been saying “text” this whole time? That part is essential. You can’t be sending out a mass “Merry Christmas” snap, despite how good that Santa beard you drew is. It is absolutely crucial that this communication be via text and include their name. That way it’s permanent and personalized, a double whammy. It gives the person you’ve messaged the chance to re-read it, know you were “thinking” about them, and convince themselves they like you enough to respond and possibly get together.

You’ve still got a few days left to craft the list of people you’ll be contacting this Christmas, unless you’re planning on just scrolling through your contacts list come Christmas morning. For now, I’m just hoping that none of my future text recipients read this column and see right through my game, but you should all be in the clear. Christmas is almost here, so it’s time to see what your options are, send some texts, and who knows? You might just end up starting the New Year with a bang.

Image via Shutterstock

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Post Grad Brad

Recent post grad whose name is Brad. That pretty much sums it up. Email me at

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