The Job Search Drinking Game

Office Lush

Being on the job hunt today can be one of the most painful and frustrating times in your young career. Without personal connections, you may be forced to apply to jobs online, which often detail absurdly high requirements for low level positions.

On top of this, every job description seems to include the exact same buzzwords, industry jargon, phrases, and requirements over and over. Anyone who has endured the endless searches through LinkedIn, Indeed, Monster, CareerBuilder, TheLadders (Ha! Good luck) can identify with this. With the almost comical similarities between every job description you browse, one has to wonder if there is a federal mandate for HR departments’ job postings to include this crap.

So, to make your job hunt less terrible, I present the “Job Description Drinking Game.” Use caution, this game could get out of hand quickly.

One Drink:

• Self starter/self-motivator
• Detail oriented/attention to detail/organizational skills
• Ability to multitask/time management skills
• Proficient in Microsoft Office/Computer Skills
• Excellent Oral and Written Skills
• Presentation Skills
• Networking Skills
• Driven by success
• Results oriented
• Leadership/Management Skills
• Flexibility/Ability to adapt to ___________.
• Strong Interpersonal Skills

Two Drinks:

• Work Independently
• Team Player/ability to work on teams
• Strong work ethic
• Proficiency in ____________.
• Proven track record of ____________.
• Demonstrated effective use of ___________.
• Entrepreneurial Spirit
• For each year of experience desired over that which you have

One Shot

• For each license/title/designation required you do not have
• When LinkedIn tells you that you wouldn’t be in the top 50% of applicants
• Travel Required
• Degrees desired/preferred that you do not have
• Experience with computer systems or programs that you have no clue about
• Ability to work weekends
• Ability to sit, stand, stare at computer monitor for long periods of time, lift up to X amount of pounds. (Two shots for 25 pounds…. Why is it always 25 pounds?)

Finish your drink for:

• Experience required for an entry level position
• When the start date is over two months out
• Whenever a PHD is desired
• When the starting salary is exceptionally disappointing
• Position will require you to relocate
• When a drug test requirement is mentioned and you doubt your ability to pass it.

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