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I’m not here to debate the proper use for Tinder (random sex), but ladies, your taglines could use some work. If you’re hot then I don’t really care what it says, but if it piques my interest, I’m very impressed. Beauty and brains. I’m sure many guys’ taglines suck too, but I can’t speak to that because mine’s awesome. It’s short and gives you an instant snapshot to my personality and the way I like to live life.
“I’m a cheap date.” How cheap are we talking? You’ve got to love a fiscally responsible woman, they’re a rare breed.
“1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, floor!” You’re probably fun to party with. Let’s hope tequila also makes your clothes fall off.
“I hate when people wear sunglasses indoors and say abbreviated words.” We all hate those douches. I think we’ll get along just fine.
“I think I’m funny, most people just think I’m an asshole.” I respect the honesty honey. Hopefully you are that funny.
“Beer is proof God loves us.” Maybe you’re not super high maintenance if you like beer. Let’s hope you don’t have the gut to prove it.
“I’ve been told I’m a good time.” Thinly veiled slutty tendencies; I like the way you operate.
“Let’s go lasso the moon.” I’m all for shooting for the stars and such but what the hell does this even mean?
“Make my bed bounce.” I’m all for low effort and high returns, but to quote the great poet Tupac, “Ladies I hate to sound sleazy but tease me, I don’t want it if it’s that easy.”
“Love the life you live and live the life you love.” This is Tinder, not Hallmark.
“Looking for friendship.” Wrong app, sister.
“No hookups.” See: above.
“I’m the coolest girl you’ll ever meet.” No, you’re not.
“Be interesting.” Well, your tagline isn’t.
“Just promise not to fall in love with me.” Again, this is Tinder, not eHarmony.
“Taylor Swift quotes” Do I even need to explain this?
The Downright Terrible
“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control at times and hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
This one is the WORST. We get it, you all dig Marilyn Monroe. So, in essence, you all look up to the most famous homewrecker in history. But what if every guy’s tagline said “I’m loud, obnoxious, and arrogant. I mess everything up. I am completely out of my mind and impossible to be around. But if you can’t handle me when I’m blackout drunk, then you don’t deserve me when I shave and iron my shirt.”
However, if you’re skinny, tan, blonde, and 36dd then ignore this article and write whatever the hell you want, I’m still swiping right.