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Before a recent encounter, I immaturely lumped people between the ages of 23 and 28 into the same category in terms of the way they live their life. In terms of the way they drink, go out to eat, behave, date and their overall mindset on dating. Being in the younger part of my own ignorant range showed me that my way of thinking is foolish and downright wrong. Yes, this is one experience but due to my insane narrow mindedness I will now base all of my assumptions on this going forward.
I recently came to this realization when I went on what was more-or-less a date with a 28-year-old woman. Let me add that I met her at a bar located in a popular summer weekend destination in the Jersey Shore. Let me also add that I had been drinking and may or may not have said I was 27 (I’m 24). Aside from navigating the conversation remembering that I had to tack on an extra three years to all of my life experiences, it was also enlightening. My findings are as follows (and as I run through them, quite obvious).
The places that people who are in their late 20s go out socially are much more expensive than the ones that me and my friends frequent. I requested, naively, that she pick the place. She ended up picking some rooftop bar by her place that had, like, $18 drinks. Tab was on me, as I am gentlemen. Three-ish hours of conversations and G&T’s add up to a pretty sizable tab when you’ve only been working one year, let me tell you.
The way they behave when on a date is vastly different. When I have gone out on dates with women (I use that term so, so, so, so loosely) my age, we didn’t get carried away with questions about where we see ourselves in five years, if we want to be at our current jobs forever or if our friends are getting married, etc. This line of small talk threw me off balance as I am an idiot who gives almost no thought to any decision I make. I also assume most dudes my age also don’t have this mindset.
Drinking in excess is also not an option. After our first drink, I suggested a shot to lighten the mood and she looked at me like I had four heads, giggled and politely declined. Proceeded to get a water and then another drink… I don’t need to explain how bizarre that was to me. I know the drinking slows down as we get older but again, it’s not what I’m used to so I figured it was worth mentioning.
The sense of urgency to get a significant other only ramps up with age while you are in your 20s. I am under the impression that we have plenty of time. Again, that is because I am 24 and use my parents age of marriage at 30 as a standard. BUT if you are in your late 20s, odds are you are seeing all of your friends get married/engaged and may go into subtle panic-mode. Now, it’s nothing that was outright said to me, it was the vibe of the whole conversation.
Essentially, all dates are like interviews but a date between two 23-year-olds has a vibe of “Okay, do I want to give this person another date?” Compare that with a date between a supposed (wink wink) 26-year-old and a 28-year-old who has the vibe of “Okay, is this guy mature enough to settle down for real?” Again, this is just one man’s opinion.
Women, no matter their age and until they find a boyfriend, will always claim it’s hard to meet dudes. How on God’s green earth is that even possible? For every girl at the bar, there likely are at least 7-100 dudes willing to at the very least speak to them. Now, is it someone they desire? Most likely not, but saying it’s hard to meet guys is absurd to me. You’re a girl, you have 100% of the entry power for conversations. Literally walk up to any dude anywhere and say hello I guarantee that he will respond back and attempt to have a conversation. It’s not for everyone but I wholeheartedly believe it.
All of this being said, I can truly say that I was lost and now have been found. Now, when I hit on a 27 or 28-year-old woman and they say, “Oh my God, you’re such a baby!” I will fully understand that they are telling me the truth. Relatively, I am an infant.
Because I, and most of my friends, am not nearly mature enough nor have enough money or mental capacity to pursue women in their late 20s, I am going to assume the same of every dude my age. It was a humbling experience and hopefully the above helps some other year-out-of-college moron who thinks it’s “cool” to date older women. .
Respond
Crazy that I’ve been reading the site long enough to become one of the old ones…I identify more with the 28 year old than the 24 year old.
Yeah, I’m not liking the realization that I’ve gone from the doe-eyed young gun to a 27-year-old that would low-key hate and respect the woman who recommended a shot on a weeknight.
Then I go out with a 30+ year old, and despite having a house and a dog, I feel like I’m suddenly talking to an adult.
What a pity to be a 27 year old virgin
Why did you come here?
Just ignore him he’ll go back to TFM
This was wonderful. You are so dumb, and I was just as dumb at your age. Bad news: You don’t get noticeably smarter, you just figure out how to fake it better. I am still dumb as shit.
My boss, who is 62, once told me, “If you don’t know the answer, just fake it. I still have to do it all the time.” It gave me a level of comfort to realize that not everyone knows as much as you think they do, and that even when I’m not the smartest guy in the room, I’m most definitely not the dumbest.
Absolutely love this. Might name my kid TiredGuy after you.
I’m sorry but $18 drinks are bullshit.
He lives in NYC that shit is standard their.
there*
In the next 2 days I have a date with someone who is 27 and 22. I’m 25. Let the research begin.
I have much preferred dating a women 5 years older than me than the various girls I dated who were a year or two younger. Sometimes I get a wild hair and want to go pound beers at the bars on a Wednesday night and she wants to do productive things around the house, but mostly our drinking habits align. Older woman are much less clingy in general and more focused on building your future.
All of my friends got married last year as we all graduated college, which leaves me as the only single one. I’m not sure if this affects the spectrum, because settling down right now sounds boring, but being literally the only single in a group of couples does feel kind of lonely. That hasn’t stopped me from placing personal bets on which of my friends will get divorced first. Plus, since they’re all doing married people stuff, I went to Europe solo. “You got hitched, I got plane tickets”
Which jersey shore town did you meet this girl at? Because that really should tell you all you need to know. Stone Harbor is a lot different than Seaside Heights
Exactly what I was thinking. Upon reading I immediately thought, “Dear God please don’t let that be wildwood or seaside heights”
This take is spot on. I’m 25 with the maturity level of probably a 18 yr old. I tend to think when I’m ready to “settle down” it will be with someone younger because hopefully by the time I’m 30 I’ll be 27.
I’m of the belief the majority of dudes don’t really mature past 18. My wife(3 years younger) can attest to at least one case.
I recently went on a date with a girl who’s 30 (I’m 26) and it had way more of a “settle down” type of vibe than what I was used to so I’d say you’re spot on about it having more of a sense of urgency to settle down as you get older.
I’ve found ~2 years older to be the sweet spot. Older than that and you get hit with the “OHMIGOD YOU’RE SO YOUNG/SUCH A BABY/etc.” and end up pigeonholed.