My head almost exploded from frustration this afternoon. On a relatively slow day at work, one can find themselves in conversations that stray very far away from what would be considered normal small talk. It was during a routine “stop and chat” with a female coworker that we got to talking about how hard it is to hit on people at the bar. I maintained that it’s incredibly difficult for a man to even walk away from a girl with a phone number in this day and age. Women hold all of the cards. She essentially told me that she thinks the exact opposite of how I do.
“On my best night – when I think I look absolutely fabulous – I’ll be lucky if one guy comes up to me. I talk to guys at the bar all the time who don’t ask me out.”
I told her she was going to the wrong bars and/or being way too picky. She told me that if a man wants to get a date, all he has to do is walk up to a girl and talk to her. I almost buckled over from laughter, because, as any man knows, it is way harder than just going up to a girl and talking.
If you’re a man reading this, I can almost guarantee that in your entire life, you can count on one hand the number of times that a girl has initiated a conversation or ruthlessly hit on you. It’s a rarity unless you’re a professional athlete.
Women are obviously the gatekeepers to their own vaginas, and I truly believe that a girl not only can, but will, decide after a few short minutes of conversation whether or not she will have sex with you. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and resolve to walk up to a random girl at a bar, in the grocery store, or on the street. I feel as though it’s a rarity past the age of 26 to have a one-night stand, so the only option for a single man of that age is to ask for a date in the near future. You had better come up with something clever too because with every second that ticks by the less your chances of scoring are.
She, however, completely disagreed with everything I had to say. She maintains that men – yes, you heard me correctly – men, are the ones who have the upper hand. Her argument was that women play a perpetual waiting game at the bar. They sit at a bar with a group of friends, talking shit about other groups of girls at the establishment and scope out bros who they think are cute. They stand there with a straw in their mouth sipping a vodka-soda or a gin and tonic and then make sure their body language reads neutral. Which is where I take up issue with her argument. If the onus is on the man to talk to women like she is saying, then body language should be inviting.
I am an idiot. As are most men. I am an ever bigger idiot when I’ve been drinking with a group of my friends and hitting on everything with a pulse. If a girls body language is neutral, I’m not even going to make an attempt. Do you ever see a girl out in public and you think to yourself, “I’d literally throw up if I tried hitting on that girl”? Because I think that all the time. Girls are intimidating creatures. I see a girl’s back turned away from me and a straw in her mouth and I immediately assume that she doesn’t want to be bothered. Body language is the only thing I have to go off of when I’m at the bar. If I go up to a girl and start talking to her and her torso and head face me, there’s a good chance I can get a number and/or a drunk makeout. Anything other than that I just assume that she’s not into me.
Girls can post up next to a bar, exchange pleasantries with a random guy and at the very least get a drink out of it. Men on the other hand? Men can stand alone at a bar all night and not talk to anyone. You know why? Because conventional wisdom says that the guy has to do the work. He’s the one who has to initiate the conversation. This argument that men have it easy in the dating game is just absurd. I had plans on making dinner tonight and going to bed around 9. Not anymore. Nope. I’m going to the bar, and I’m going to go alone to have myself a little experiment. Let’s find out what happens when I stop being polite, and start getting real. .