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Rick “Bash” Dalton
Company: Local Police Department
Relationship: Works out at your gym
Job: Police Officer
Position: Pitcher or centerfield
Relationship status: Single
Age: 36
Height: 6 foot 1
Weight: 195 pounds
Pros:
• He’s 195 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal. This guy is absolutely ripped.
• You overheard him talking about his minor league baseball days at the gym. Could’ve gone all the way, but retired after Tommy John surgery in ’02.
• There’s YouTube footage of him competing in a softball home run derby in 2007. He fights the entire Canadian national team at the end.
• He hit .305/.375/.512 for the Arkansas Travelers in 2001.
• He even played a little bit of independent league ball as recently as 2012.
Cons:
• He might be too good for rec league softball, but you have to dare to dream here.
Projected: Sell out for him. Hard pitch.
Outlook: “Bash” wants one last summer in the sun. He’s like the Shoeless Joe Jackson of the modern era. It’s doubtful that he has another professional run in him, as his prime is long gone. Give him a spot the next time he reps out 300 on the bench press and inquire about his interest in giving it one last shot. Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory last forever.
Respond
Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
@BrianMcGannon
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brianmcgannon
Amazing read as always, McGannon. I don’t know anything about the lady weights, but let me just say it sounds like you’re going to have the most fit team in your beer league. Your catcher is out of shape, but only weighs 240 pounds?
As one of the more outta shape guys on my baseball team this summer, one guy is only 6’1″ and pushing 270. Does this make him obese? ….Asking for a friend.
Murph can play on my team anytime.
You know how those Pfizer reps get down.
Besides, you know the friend that sucks will always be hot.
Dibs on the guy in the Cubs hat and jorts
Man, 31 is considered old as fuck, now? Damn.
I love you. I mean that.
The mock drafts are probably the funniest articles on here or TFM, more of these please.
Masterful work, McGannon. Well played sir.
I’m sorry, there’s no way a girl is playing shortstop for my team. Even if she did play in college, it’s just not right.
Grow up, Peter Pan. Talent Talks, Bullshit Walks. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. (I have run out of cliches, but you’re an asshole and I don’t like you.)
Noted. Appreciate the life advice.