======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
With the exception of a spectacularly slutty phase during sophomore year, I spent most of college as a relationship girl. I went to college having a boyfriend from home… until that ended and I went full-on nympho sophomore year. Then in my junior year, I had two boyfriends: the one I actually loved and then the one I settled for after the first one broke my heart. They were followed by a succession of short-term boyfriends senior year, but let’s be honest – I was too busy drinking away my abject horror at the imminent entrance into the real world for any of them to take hold and become something more serious.
Now let’s focus on the one who broke my heart, because he is the subject of this little story. He married the next girl he dated – something that has happened to me a grand total of four times, which I believe makes me a starter wife without the perks of the ring or the wedding. Anyway, despite a not entirely amicable breakup, we managed to maintain a level of civility since our respective best friends married each other and we were forced to be in each other’s presence on numerous occasions. Then, as those friendships faded (on my side, anyway), we saw each other less and less until he became a rose-colored memory in my rearview mirror.
Until last week, that is. We had maintained a social-media-only friendship because I don’t listen to my own advice and a picture he posted popped up on my timeline that would imply that he was no longer living in the state of matrimony. A bit of internet creeping confirmed that he was indeed back on the market, and a nagging thought started to take hold at the back of my mind…should I slide into his DMs? I’m single at the moment, with no current prospects on the horizon, and it’s always nice to have someone to talk with… even if it doesn’t amount to anything. What’s the worst that could happen, right?
Except that I didn’t know what to say. I have literally zero experience at such things and I’m not exactly known for my subtlety. So I went to the place I usually go to ask the important questions in life: Twitter. I asked my sweet 2000+ following (all of whom I am sure are humans and not porn bots) how to approach the situation without coming off as a total weirdo. Along with the usual responses (boobs for the win!) came a question I wasn’t quite prepared for:
Well, Craig-fucking-Sanderson, thanks for bursting my “we are going to have a romantic story to tell our grandkids” bubble. But once I stopped calling Craig an ass for ruining the possible new relationship I had dreamed up in my head, I started to ponder that last sentence: “If it didn’t work before, it won’t work now.” I wondered if dear Craig was indeed right. Does a long ago romantic failure mean that the same two people can’t have a successful relationship later on? Or, is it possible that once you are older and wiser and circumstances are different, that those same two people could work out this time? Of course, romance novels and romantic comedies would tell us the latter is true, and my ever-hopeful heart is inclined to believe it. But in reality, is the relationship re-do simply an urban legend of which there are few, if any, success stories?
Well, to be frank, I’m not sure. But I can tell you this: I slid like a third base runner stealing home into his DMs, and we’ve been talking every day since. So I guess I’ll let you know how it turns out, Craig..
Respond
Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
Same advice I gave that dummy, Duda. Never get back with an ex. They tried to do better and are now settling for you. Don’t be a dummy like Duda.
This. Please do not become the female Duda. Although Duda already wrapped up that as well.
What are you talking about? Duda doesn’t wrap it.
I see your 4 ex’s get married and a raise you 4 ex’s turn lesbian… I really do wish this was a lie
Story time
It’s a long one and would require a weekend/bottle of cheap whiskey to complete. So I’m saying there’s a chance
Are you my college roommate? Roy?
Sadly no, but it’s nice to know there’s someone else out there who’s been there (Cheer’s Roy)
Please submit this as an article.
My prom date turned gay. Does that count?
I shafted a girl so hard into the friend zone she turned lesbian.
Not the shaft she wanted amirite
Congrats on the sex!
It’s certainly comparable, well played
NotBroke, I respect the hell out of your writing and most of your opinions but this is a terrible idea. Freshly divorced dude getting back in the wild who already broke it off with you once? It’s not like two people who were madly in love but things just weren’t meant to be who cross paths five years. It ended for a concrete reason. C’mon. You’re better than this and deserve better than how this will end if you get romantic again.
To piggy back off this, the guy you’re talking about is freshly divorced and in his late 20’s/early 30’s (I assume). I say if you want to slide in, go for it, but do not expect a relationship to come from this. FWB for sure but I highly doubt this guy is looking to go from divorced to locked up again in the span of a few months. I would bet this guy is looking to lay pipe anywhere and everywhere with the last thing on his mind being a new, committed relationship.
Listen to my wisdom, there is nothing good there. He just got divorced. For a person that young to get divorced that quick, bad news, momma.
Shooters shot, maybe you’ll get Klay Thompson hot…
Or maybe you’ll collapse into yourself like a dying star.
Going after a freshly divorced dude lol.. I’ll tell you what he has in mind and it isn’t nights in and going to your family Christmas. Be smarter.
Separated dudes are bad news, unless you’re down for a casual thing. No way they want to go into serious dating when they haven’t event signed the divorce papers. Learn from my mistakes.
Not divorced, employed, (somewhat) stable and have a full head of hair. Sup?
But do you have a beard?
I think something happens to women as they get older and stay single. You want to revisit the big “what ifs” or “ones that got away” believing that romantic lie that you’ve already met your person in the first 25-30 years of your life.
I recently reconnected with a fairly star-crossed ex-something (we’ve hooked up before but never dated due to logistics), and honestly it’s made me feel 100% better that he is NOT the right person for me. So maybe this will at least give you closure.
Finally, someone that understands!!
If you need someone to talk to about all this, you know where to reach me.
Yep the what if syndrome happened to me. And guess what? We started dating and BAM he was cheating on me within two weeks. The what if disappeared and I don’t miss him at all.
Basically, proceed with caution.
Sup?
Sup?
Quite possibly best profile pick on all of PGP. Well done.
Thanks buddy
Get him excited with the prospect of rebounding with you and then drop him the “I actually think this isn’t working out for me anymore. Sorry. Bye.”