Summer In College vs. Summer Now

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Alcohol

College: All day, everyday.
Now: Margs at happy hour on a patio. Sweat through your button down. In bed by 10.

Drink of Choice

College: Bud Heavy Americans out of a iced down kiddy pool.
Now: Lukewarm Bud Heavy Americans out of your minifridge.

Living Situation

College: Summer house just off campus with friends.
Now: Moving on the hottest day of the summer because you didn’t sign your lease extension on time.

Education

College: A couple of summer classes.
Now: State mandated driving classes because of that speeding ticket you got in April.

Vacation

College: Road trip to NOLA.
Now: Already used up your available vacation days traveling to weddings.

Fourth of July Plans

College: Fireworks, beer and meat.
Now: Fireworks, beer and grassfed meat.

Beach Body

College: You really committed to the gym after spring break and your dad body is on point.
Now: Time snuck up on you and your once prime dad body has devolved into a flabby pile of goo.

Job

College: Making $9 an hour and living like a king.
Now: Making $35,000 a year and living like a drifter.

Summer Fling

College: Your neighbor.
Now: Get caught staring at your neighbor of average attractiveness.

Tan

College: Smooth and even.
Now: Your left arm is several shades darker than your right arm from the sun beating down on it during rush hour.

Lake Weekends

College: At least every other weekend.
Now: Your parents sold your family lake house because you never used it anymore.

Weather

College: Doesn’t matter how hot it is as long as you’re by a pool and rocking a steady buzz.
Now: Your electric bill is wreaking havoc on your monthly budget.

Highlight of the Summer

College: Pulling off a 16-hour binge-a-thon on Fourth of July weekend.
Now: Pulling off a 16-hour “Orange is the New Black” binge-a-thon.

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AARP Benny