Stop Feeling Bad About Watching So Much TV

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I don’t have many hobbies. That sounds and is pathetic but whatever, it’s sort of true. Between trying to make enough money to feed myself and having some semblance of a social life, there’s not much time for archery, basket weaving, or having a flourishing Etsy shop.

So, when people ask me what I like to do in my spare time, I always stare off into space wondering how to seem interesting. Do I say I like hiking even though the sheer thought of spending that much time outdoors makes me break out in a cold sweat? Do I act like I take dance classes every week, even though I haven’t done a split since I got drunk senior year at formal? It’s enough to send me into a panic attack, so I usually just come up with some lie and hope to God no one ever asks me to go camping.

In reality, my hands-down favorite hobby is watching TV.

See how horrible that sounds? The thing I enjoy most in my free time is staring at yet another screen as the fluffy plots and blinking lights rot my brain. But I’m so tired of acting like I’m spending my time exploring the world, spending money at brunch, and sleeping on the fucking ground when in reality, most of the time I’m just watching television.

Now, I like to think of myself as a little more of a connoisseur due to my extremely helpful and not-at-all pointless degree in Radio-Television. But if we’re being honest, most of the time I’m not appreciating the different camera angles, the superb graphics, or the astounding costumery. I’m just staring at the screen, openmouthed and transported far away from my own reality.

And there’s a lot of shit that goes along with being an avid television watcher. We’re considered lazy. Couch potatoes. Wasting our lives away dreaming of worlds that don’t exist and falling in love with fictional characters. But if we really look at what’s going on, it’s pretty clear to see that these people are just fucking haters who want to suppress humankind’s most basic instinct.

Not sex. Sorry. Humankind’s second most basic instinct: to tell stories.

I mean, if you look back in history (and by “look back” I mean watch TV shows about history) since the dawn of time people have been telling stories. Whether it was with crude drawings on their cave walls or around the fire while eating a carcass of a rival camp — everyone not only wanted to get their information out there, but people would gather around to hear it. To experience it. To be so absorbed in this story that they would forget about their own lives for a brief period of time.

Why would people sit around and talk about mythical creatures, the Gods of the past, or a greatly exaggerated history? Because we’re sickly fascinated with hearing about how other people lived and live their lives. It feels good. It does sciencey stuff in our brains, releases all kinds of hormones, and we become happy and transported far away from our shitty existence. It’s that simple.

And sure, many moons ago, the storytelling medium was basically limited to an old, bearded man around a fire. But as we’ve grown and evolved and learned to shave, more and more ways to not only get our stories out there but to consume them, have been created. We can read them, Tweet them, Snapchat them, watch them — technology is making it pretty endless at this point, which gives us all not only more stories, but more ways to expand our minds while absorbing them. Just imagine what it would have been like if we told that old geezer in front of the fire that someday, we’d be able to literally see the stories happening in front of us like magic.

That bastard would have had a heart attack then and there.

So, honestly, all of us TV watchers aren’t actually being lazy assholes. We’re just taking part in a tradition as old as time. Except you know, now there’s CGI dragons and a whole bunch of incest. But still, close enough. .

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Rachel Varina

if it doesn't have snack or seats, i'm not there. hate mail/Sunny references can be sent to itsrachelvarina@gmail.com

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