Stop Asking Me To Turn On Notifications For Your Instagrams

Stop Asking Me To Turn On Notifications For Your Instagrams

“Turn On Notifications.”

“Why?” I thought to myself. I can’t even keep up with my push notifications as it is.

Then I saw it again.

And again.

And again.

And I finally realized that people were really freaking out at the thought of Instagram’s new feed algorithm screwing them when it comes to their profile’s exposure. Not sure what all the fuss is about? Let The Next Web explain.

Yep, Instagram has made a mistake in ditching its chronologically ordered feed. The app is now letting an algorithm decide what’s most relevant to show you, instead of a time-ordered selection from the people you’ve chosen to follow.

Listen, I don’t like Instagram changing up their feed any more than the next like-thirsty girl out there who needs the world to see photos of her acai bowl. But if you think I’m going to waste a precious post begging my measly amount of followers to prioritize my feed over anyone else’s, you’ve got another thing coming.

I know, I know, the reason we all love Instagram so much is because it’s simple. There are no links or ulterior motives to posts. You see exactly what you want to see because you only have to follow exactly who you want to follow. But did you really think that Facebook was going to allow this content-driven safe space to last forever? No, because all goods things must come to an end.

After all, Instagram is owned by Facebook which is a red flag in and of itself. You know, the same Facebook that used to only be open to college kids. The same Facebook that didn’t even have a feed or mini-feed or whatever-the-fuck-feed to begin with. The same Facebook that pretty much tracks your every move even if you think you’ve completely locked down all your settings.

Did you really think the fun would last once Facebook acquired Instagram four years ago for a billion-fucking-dollars? Of course not, because they were always going to attempt to monetize it with annoying ads rather than allow your photos to reach everyone that follows you. I mean, can you imagine if Instagram actually continued to allow all of your followers to see all of your photos? That would just be preposterous.

How dare you change our feed, Instagram? Do you not want us to live in a world where every street-style photo and #ootd is seen by the masses? Do you really want to take away all of our brunch and sunset photos that we’ve all seen a million times over? Are you truly going to rob me of viewing every selfie from every girl that’s done her makeup perfectly for the sole purpose of posting that photo? I mean, not to be dramatic, but how will I live without seeing those photos in chronological order? Of course I need notifications every time they’re sent now.

So yeah, everyone, totally ask me to turn notifications on your for must-see posts. I’m sure no one at Instagram or Facebook has even thought of a fix or workaround to every shitty lifestyle blogger out there grasping at every straw possible in an effort to have all of their minimalist posts seen. Sure, I’d love to “Turn Notifications On” for everyone I follow, because that won’t be more annoying than Instagram changing their feed in the first place, will it?

Image via Shutterstock

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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