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I’m no stranger to parties. Birthday parties, graduation parties, just-got-out-of-jail parties, you name it, I’ve partied for it. Except for one. Due to all of my friends being, for a want of a better term, commitment-phobic man-babies, very few of them are even approaching marriage, leaving me a bachelor party rookie. A virgin, if you will. Until this weekend. On Friday, I fly out to beautiful Nashville to meet up with ten other dudes with one singular goal in mind – getting rowdy as fuck at every country bar in the city. And I’m excited. But I’m also a little nervous. When it comes to partying, I consider myself one of the best, and being the best means preparation. Doing research. And in this case, asking a bunch of strangers on the internet questions.
Should I be prepared to go to a strip club?
Neither the bachelor, nor the best man, have mentioned anything about us seeing any strippers. There has been no group chat telling us to load up on singles. Nobody has told us to pack sweatpants. To be honest, I can’t see this group going the whole stripper route, but given what I know about bachelor parties from movies, am I just being naïve? I don’t want to be the guy that gets blindsided when we inevitably find ourselves in a gentlemen’s club, but I also don’t want to be the guy pushing for us to go if the group isn’t into it. What’s my play?
If we do end up at a strip club, what are the rules I should follow?
I think this is going to come as a surprise to many readers, but I’ve never been in a strip club before. I’m just not really into it. I know, I put out the “know all the dancers by name” kind of vibe, but it’s not my scene. I just don’t see the appeal. I wouldn’t spend money to go to a buffet and just watch the food. I’m also not into dropping several hundred dollars on a half-hearted handjob within ten feet of a ‘roided-out bouncer.
That being said, if the group ends up at a strip club, there’s no chance I’m going to be the guy that heads back to the AirBnB early. Fuck that guy. I’m here for the stories, baby, and they only get better as the night gets weirder. So, if I were to find myself in a club with a nice young lady named Mercedes sitting on my lap, what are some rules I should know? Is it rude to turn down a lap dance? Where do my hands go? I need some guidance.
Do bachelor parties wear matching outfits?
While I know this trend is a non-negotiable within bachelorette squads, I’m not sure if it extends to the opposite gender. Will I need to purchase a “groom group” tank top? Are we all wearing matching cowboy hats or tiaras? I know this isn’t a thing, but also I know I want it to be a thing. This question is kind of a hypothetical because I successfully convinced my group that we should all wear matching overalls for our trip to the country music capitol, so the only real question to be seen is whether I go shirtless under the denim or not. I think it’s going to come down to a game-time decision depending on how good my traps are looking at that time.
Do Nashville bars have a dress code policy?
Now that I think about it, perhaps I should have looked into the nightlife before I spent a… “moderate” amount of money in Walmart’s “farmwear” section. I don’t recall there being any kind of dress code when I last went to Nashville, but it isn’t called Nash-Vegas for nothing, right? And if overalls are allowed, do they count as a shirt and pants? I know earlier (thirty seconds ago) I said I’d decide if I was going shirtless or not at game time, but I think I’ve sold myself on the idea. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m going to go completely commando under the overalls. It’s the south, baby. Gotta let it breathe.
What parts of the trip is his fiancée allowed to hear about?
If there’s two things I’m good at, it’s keeping secrets that I know are secrets, and ruining secrets that I wasn’t aware were secrets. If you tell me something under the agreed-upon premise that I can’t tell anyone else, I will take that shit to my grave. If you, however, just tell me stuff, assuming I won’t bring it up at a later date, I will 100% do so at the worst possible moment. It’s never purposeful. I live a completely open-book life, and if others don’t make it abundantly clear with me that something is a secret, I’m going to assume they do as well.
With that in mind, should I just assume any and all stories from the bachelor party are off limits to anyone who wasn’t there? Does that include writing about it for strangers on the internet? If something absolutely hilarious happens with the groom, can I still tell the story at his wedding and just replace his name with that of someone else in our squad? This is information I need to know so I don’t ruin a marriage before it begins.
What’s the Nashville jail like?
Look, I’m just trying to get ahead of the situation and glean important information that could pertain to my trip. I’m not saying I want to end up in jail. I’m not even saying I think I will end up in jail. I’m just saying I know myself, and I have to take into account the possibility of me getting drunk tanked at some point during the weekend. I like to be honest with myself.
So, does anyone have experience with the jail? How would you rate it? Is it clean? Is it comfy? Is it full of hardened criminals, or mainly drunk kids like myself? How is the police force? Am I going to get beaten if I mouth off a little? Do they even enforce DIPs on the strip? It seems counterproductive to their whole economy. I know someone reading this has spent a night in a Nashville jail. Give ya boy some pointers.
If you have the answers to any of these questions, let me know in the comments. Or if you just want to recommend bars. I’m open to any and all suggestions. .
Respond
Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
@noampao
noamio
I’m excited for you Nick. Yes, you will go to a strip club and I’ve always assumed the most important rule is buy the bachelor as many dances as possible while you enjoy one (1) dance and extremely overpriced drinks. As far as what his fiancé can hear about? Just get everyone on the same page for some made up stories about how fun a brewery tour was or something like that, she should know nothing
Pro Tip: A few minutes and a couple bucks spent in a souvenir shop can make an already solid alibi ironclad.
The only story that should be told goes something like this “trip was great. the day we wore the overalls was hilarious, cant believe i walked around like that! Def would recommend going for a long weekend, such an underrated city!” Absolutely nothing else. Def dont make up stories, lying isnt cool.
I hate that i used “def” twice in one comment. I apologize for apparently being a 13 year old skater.
He was a sk8r boi
See you l8r boi
You’ll probably end up at Ken’s Gold Club. The strip pretty much has no rules when it comes to dress codes. Unless you’re dead on the side walk you’ll be ok for being drunk in public. Don’t fight the bouncers
Source: guy who lived in Nashville
DejaVu strip club doesn’t sell alcohol but the dancers are fully nude. You can take a keg in, i have verified this (but still call ahead).
Opentable should be your best friend, make reservations everywhere. Sinema has an all you can eat/drink brunch for $35/person and it’s fantastic.
Use your big-brother admin authority to grab my email if you need more tips
Going BYOKeg. TFM
I feel like there are alot strip clubs called DejaVu
Wow I haven’t seen a TFM in years. Takes me back
Three words. Taco twelve pack.
Don’t be too good to throw some money around at the strip club. Those girls are just trying to pay their way through medical school… help ’em out.
I don’t know about Nashville but I know in Tampa, the bouncers don’t like it when you pass out drunk during a lap dance. That’s all the advice I have to give
Never been to a Bachelor Party either but moved from Tampa to Nash this summer and I can give a few pointers:
1. Dress well, the yuppies here are all 10’s. Jeans a nice shirt, warm jacket, and cool shoes. It’s a pretty trendy city and you don’t want to look out-of-place at a boogie rooftop bar. Overalls and discounted boots look is mildly insulting and you’ll look like a total tourist – not the move.
2. There are 2 strip clubs here (in comparison to Nola and Tampa) they are traaash. High cover and some rough women working hard for a dolla. Plus side is they are BYOB which is cool.
3. UBERS are cheap but drinks aren’t. Pregame hard and prepare for $10-$12 a drink on Broadway.
4. Hattie B’s Hot Chicken is bomb hangover food, but it’s hot going in and out. Be warned.
5. Nash is the bachelorette party capital of the world – enough said.
6. Rent a tractor pull one day – you’ll make friends. Including me! Invite me!
7. Pedal Pubs are lame.
8. Sutler, FlipSide, Sinema,or Frisky Frogs for Brunch. Bottomless Mimosas are the only way to brunch.
Have fun – don’t die or visit the Nashville jail.
I will answer all these questions: 1. If the bachelor in question wants to go, you go. 2. I don’t know, I personally don’t like strip clubs. 3. Do NOT wear matching outfits. 4. She knows nothing and if anyone tells her anything you’ve broken a major essential code of bachelor parties. 5. I don’t know what the jail is like but I know a lawyer there if you need him.
Missed one about Nashville bar dress code. As long as you have pants, shoes and a shirt, you’re fine.
I was never a strip club guy either, I just assumed they were all dirty and trashy. Until I went to a really good one in New Orleans, after that I can appreciate a nice strip club from time to time.
Pro tip: they usually have the best happy hour in town, its a good place to pregame before heading out for the night. Also, during happy hour its not as crowded, so if you’ve never been before this would be the perfect time to go and see the lay of the land; learn the customs etc.
Which one did you go to in New Orleans?