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You made it. It’s after lunch on a Friday, and the clock ticks downhill from there. You put in a grueling 40-plus hour workweek (28 hours of actual work), and now the sweet release of freedom is on the horizon. Sure, you said you were going to take this weekend off and give your body a chance to detox, but that was Monday you talking. That guy’s such a dweeb. It’s been four days, and hell, you don’t even remember what a hangover feels like at this point.
One thing has been on your mind since your iPhone alarm ruined that dream of winning the lottery and taking a shit on your boss’s desk: the bars. Maybe you start off at happy hour with the crew and then keep the ball rolling to somewhere with a dance floor. Maybe you need to change out of your monkey suit and put on some team colors because your boys are in the playoffs. Maybe you can’t wait to get to your regular hole-in-the-wall joint, where the bar stool has an imprint of your ass and the staff pour you a beer before you even get through the door. Whichever bar, lounge, or nightclub you’re planning on hitting night, I urge you to reconsider. Instead, let me tell you why a house party is so much better.
It’s cheaper. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m not exactly rolling in it. If you can afford to put $100 dents in your wallet every Friday and Saturday night; good for you, I hate you, and are you hiring? For the average person, however, those bar tabs can rack up, especially when you get conned into buying rounds of Patron for girls that won’t end up going home with you. A house party costs, like, $30 max. Bring a bottle or a case of beer for the house, maybe some snacks, and you’re good to go. For the price of five shots at the bar, you can have a whole bottle at a house. That’s just good financial planning.
You have a better chance of getting laid. When was the last time you went to the bar, hit on a stranger, and took them home? I bet it wasn’t recent, and I bet you still talk about how “on point your game was.” Bars exist so men and women can attempt to hit on each other. That’s literally the only point of them. Ironically, this puts everyone on guard and makes the chances of pairing up significantly less. A girl is going to be much less excited to talk to you when she’s heard four variations of the same douchey pickup line already tonight.
From a girl’s standpoint, a guy is going to be much less likely to try and pick you up when he’s been shot down three times in the last two hours. At a house party, however, everyone’s guard is down. You’re having fun, you’re in a safe space, and people are much more inclined to get to know each other. The people there aren’t strangers just trying to get in your pants, they are people who share the same roof as you (who are just trying to get in your pants).
There are activities. Like I said, bars only exist so people can hit on each other. No one would shell out nine dollars for a Moscow Mule if there wasn’t the opportunity to get to know some attractive strangers. That would be insane. Because of this, most bars have no need for any other activities. Sure, some have giant Jenga, but all that does is give everyone an excuse to yell at someone’s drunkenness every ten minutes (and make your bar staff hate you). House parties almost always feature drinking games. Rage cage, Chandelier, Flip Cup, Baseball, King’s Cup, and of course, the old faithful of Beerpong. It’s no secret that I love drinking games. I would rather get to know people during a high-energy game than continue rehashing a boring conversation about our careers in a dimly lit bar. It’s more fun, and more fun = higher probability of getting laid. Math.
People let out their inner weirdo. Something about being inside a home instead of an unfamiliar building lowers people’s inhibitions. When you’re at a bar, you’re always attempting to keep it together, lest you embarrass yourself in public or get thrown out for knocking over a table. (I’m sorry to the staff of 4th Street Pub, but to be fair, your tables are very top-heavy, and you shouldn’t serve AMFs by the pitcher. That’s on you).
At a house party, people get weird. That couple that’s been together for seven years that are always the parents of the group? They’re going to black out and get caught banging in the bathroom. What started as a friendly game of King’s Cup in the living room will devolve into strip charades. Someone will start giving details of their sex life that can’t be unheard, and it will seem totally normal at the time. Drinks will be spilled, friendships will be made, and the guy who insisted on playing a game of Shotpong will be found asleep in the dog bed by, like, 11 p.m. It won’t be normal, but it will be entertaining.
Now that you’re all fired up at work, use that energy. Send out a last minute Facebook invite for a party at your place. Hit up your friend with a yard and convince him to throw one last cookout. Warn your neighbors. Hell, invite your neighbors. Go to a house party this weekend. .
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Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
@noampao
noamio
Halloween weekend house parties > bars on Halloween weekend
House parties requires friends, which I do not have. PGP
Might be the greatest featured image in the history of featured images.
This is one thing I agree with you on. Can’t Hardly Wait is amazing.
Mike Dexter is a role model!
I always love when the intention is to go out, but then the pregame spirals out of control, no one takes charge, and you wind up with a house party.
Happens with my friends all the time, start pregaming, someone starts talking madden/fifa trash and it becomes put up or shut up time
Sounds like a sausage fest, not a house party.
Buy a kegerator and more than 50% of the time the pregame lasts until 3 AM
https://youtu.be/Je1nn2-y3cw
You need a good balance of house parties and bars, otherwise you’re stuck with the same people at the same house parties.
House Party > Bars
And its not close
All house parties I go to are couples parties now. I can’t stand being the only single person in a room.
Just get hammered and make off hand comments about couples that start fights. Unrelated, I haven’t been invited to a house party in a while…
Well shit, the Halloween party on Saturday going to get interesting now.
It’s true that there’s just something about a good house party that lowers your inhibitions. I’m much more likely to talk to you at a party versus a dark, loud and overcrowded bar.
It’s because a house party means everyone there knows the host, or is friends with someone who the host invited. It provides a level of comfort much greater than people just choosing to go to X bar on a given Saturday night.
Who do you know here?
I’m more likely to continue the party with a guy from a bar versus a guy from a house party. Bar guy has ideally zero ties to my friends, but that’s just me.
So, what bar do you frequent?
Don’t worry about it.
A bartender telling everyone to skip the bars and go to house parties this weekend? That’s a bold strategy Cotton…
Or you could rent a very fast car with no top and drive to Las Vegas.