I don’t care how mentally challenged the Wet Bandits are, no 8-year-old kid is crafty enough to out-duel two hardened criminals. Harry and Marv slit Kevin’s throat within minutes of entering the house.
Three and a half weeks ago, at 4:00am, I was lying in some random girl’s bed after a Thursday night out on 6th Street in Austin. The night was pretty standard, except for the girl part, that was definitely an aberration (usually I’m having an intimate moment with Whataburger), and as it finally wound its …
Thanks to the freshman psychology class we were all forced to take, we’re familiar with the five stages of grief. Most of the time we feel these emotions when a family member has been diagnosed with a terminal illness or passes away unexpectedly. I’ve learned that these five stages are experienced in another instance: unemployment…
This is a time honored tradition where ESPN clears their schedule to broadcast every nail-biter, heart-breaker, and rise to glory. Has this been the longest running practical joke on America?! Or am I missing something?
Recently, I made a big change in my appearance. I dyed my hair from what one would consider “almost black” to “kind of blonde.” It’s something I’ve been talking about doing for years, but nerves always held me back. I finally took the plunge…
About eight months ago, a Verizon employee was fired after an internal investigation on data breaches turned up a shocking revelation: this high-paid, high-ranking employee was outsourcing his job to China while he spent the entire day on the internet, watching cat videos and shopping on eBay…
When I was a kid, my dad would take me out to the front yard and play catch with me for hours. He taught me the basics of pitching form, how to properly position myself in front of a ground ball, and everything else I needed to know about the game of baseball. Once I …
Looks like I’ll be spending the evening debating taking the GMAT and applying for jobs online. Maybe I’ll buy a cake and eat it alone.
I search for the ‘not attending’ reply button but can’t find it so I do what any responsible business person does when receiving an email from a coworker: delete it immediately. ..
Since graduation you have seen the questions switch drastically from “Where do you go to school?” & “What is your major?” To the more complicated “Where are you working?” & “What do you do?”
I will start this out by stating that I was born and raised about a mile outside Philadelphia. I grew up with an indoctrination of Springsteen, Delessandro’s Steaks, and Eagles football. You know the depiction of Eagles fans in Silver Linings Playbook? That is the most accurate depiction I’ve seen to date. (i.e. My family …
Are some people really able to stop after just one glass of wine? Am I too old to be using Proactiv? Should I be paying for my own cell phone bill? How bad is it for me to sleep in my contacts? Is it ever just “who” and not “whom?” What is a 401k and …
If you’ve been following the news lately, you know that due to budget cuts, the military is cutting back in almost every area. Training events that have happened annually for years are being canceled, projects are being scrapped, and facilities are being closed. The worst part about these budget cuts, however, is that many servicemen …
It seems like a bad time to try to land a first job What with the economy, uh oh, uh oh It seems like a bad time to graduate from college Guess I’ll join the welfare mob, uh oh, uh oh Nooooo We’re lonely, broke, misled, and jobless all at once now It’s the worst …
The best part about funemployment (wow, that word is even douchier in print) is that when you’re not busy getting turned down for unpaid internships, you get to watch TV. A LOT of TV. Like, “Ugh, Kid’s Jeopardy again?” a lot. Bottom line is I started noticing how many girls in commercials I’d marry. So …
Last night, on the side of the road, with a flat tire and the Braves down 4-0 at the time, I was pretty pissed off. I was pissed off before that actually, and not even for a good reason, but I was pissed off nonetheless. The flat wasn’t terrible, so I was able to pull …
