Ron Swanson’s 21 Greatest Power Moves

Screen Shot 2015-02-16 at 11.12.22 AM

  1. Describing his weekly alcohol intake as “one shelf.”
  2. Only crying twice in his life. Once after being hit by a school bus, and the other being the death of a mini horse.
  3. Having a sawed off shotgun and claymore landmine on his desk.
  4. Dressing like Tiger Woods the day after he has sex.
  5. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark haired women and breakfast food.”
  6. Getting his first job at a sheet metal factory and running the floor within two weeks at the age of nine.
  7. Declaring fish meat as “practically a vegetable.”
  8. “Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.”
  9. Keeping a scrapbook of every steak he’s ever eaten at Charles Mulligan’s steakhouse.
  10. Keeping a sizeable amount of ground chuck in his desk.
  11. “I’m surrounded by a lot of women in this department, and that includes the men.”
  12. Love making and woodworking being his only form of exercise.
  13. Pretending to pull out his own tooth to demonstrate to his coworkers that he is capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.
  14. The Swanson Pyramid of Greatness.
  15. His final wish being that both of his ex-wives would rush to his side so he can tell them to go to hell one last time.
  16. “You had me at ‘meat tornado.'”
  17. Duke Silver.
  18. Refusing to eat salad because it’s the food his food eats.
  19. Having never been hungover thanks to his hangover cure of eating a large pan fried flank steak and wearing wet socks.
  20. Eating a party platter for 12 people in less than four minutes.
  21. Getting tricked by a process server who told him he’d won a free dinner from St. Elmo’s steakhouse and then telling him that he respected the effort.

Email this to a friend

Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

8 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More