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I really want to have an intimate understanding of the moment a low-level Loctek employee thought of the Loctek Foldable Office Cycling Workstation Desk Exercise Bike with Laptop Table, in Red. I want to be in their mind. I want to know the rush of elation they felt when their brain reached into the ether for brilliance and came back with this instead. I want to know what it is like to have an idea this terrible and not feel any disappointment in myself. If ignorance is bliss, this person is cumming their pants 24/7.
Ideas like this come to existence somewhere between a second cup of complimentary coffee at an airport Hilton and mustering up the courage to go back into a self-help seminar after the intermission. Someone at Loctek heard the term “work-life balance” at a team manager led pep-talk and it stuck in their brain without fully registering. Their brain mulled the words over and over and over again, but nothing ever clicked, until after the first half of a self-help seminar. That’s how terrible ideas like this are born. A general misunderstanding of the world around you and a brazen lack of self-doubt are all that is needed to give ideas like the Loctek Foldable Office Cycling Workstation Desk Exercise Bike with Laptop Table, in Red, legs.
When I say “work-life balance” to myself, my mind conjures up ideas of not checking my email when I’m at home, regularly visiting a gym before heading to the office, and not taking personal calls while doing my job. When the guy that invented the Loctek Foldable Office Cycling Workstation Desk Exercise Bike with Laptop Table, in Red, hears “work-life balance” he tries to figure out how he can add a urinal/refrigerator attachment to the piece of shit he invented. Because, that’s what work-life balance means to this person; balancing all aspects of work and life at the same time.
Let’s move past trying to fathom how someone thinks inventing this contraption is a good idea. We know it happened. We know it was greenlit and someone ran (or rather, peddled in place ad infinitum) with it. These are all things we cannot change. Instead, let’s consider the people who believe purchasing this will make a significant improvement to their lives.
Who is the person that purchases the Loctek Foldable Office Cycling Workstation Desk Exercise Bike with Laptop Table, in Red? I am 100% not ruling out Loctek upper-management. Whenever this atrocity was made, they had to be the earliest adopters. Aside from them and the depraved joke they had at the expense of their entry-level employees, who else buys these things? I feel like I’m having a hard time understanding the logic behind this because there can almost certainly be none. “To save time, refrain from taking on tasks one at a time and try them all at once” has never been said by a manager. Who is saying this to themselves? How distracting yourself from work with half-assed exercise can improve productivity is completely lost on me. But wait…
This is the kind of thinking that goes into purchasing the Loctek Foldable Office Cycling Workstation Desk Exercise Bike with Laptop Table, in Red. Trying to peddle your way to success? Drop an extra hundo to have someone assemble this piece of shit that already comes with instructions. You wouldn’t want to waste all your energy building it when you could be peddling forever without moving. But wait… there’s more:
Just when you thought a question like “Can it (the Loctek Foldable Office Cycling Workstation Desk Exercise Bike with Laptop Table, in Red) be used as a standing desk?” was the peak of human incompetence, the manufacturer just haymakers your faith in humanity with that response. Fucking brilliant. No one outstupids the inventor of the Loctek Foldable Office Cycling Workstation Desk Exercise Bike with Laptop Table, in Red.
However, if you feel like pedaling a bike for hours on end while never seeing it move is a great way to boost morale, you can find it here. If you buy it, we may even get commission since we’re part of the Amazon Affiliate program. Have fun..
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jakewgoldman
Grandex Marketing Manager, Snack Enthusiast, Lover, Gator.
@JakeWGoldman
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JakeWGoldman
PGPM Use it shirtless.
We put a treadmill in one of our conference rooms, but you can only walk on it because they attached a desk to it so you can do work on it as well. About 5 people tried it once and gave up after trying to type and walk simultaneously without getting a headache.
It now just sits and collects dust. Memo to management: Don’t out think yourselves when trying to make the work day better. Just buy us more beer, pat us on the ass a little more and call it a day.
This has Dave’s name written all over it.
I’m working on it.
So you already have one?
Does it come in Red?
This seems like a good Christmas gift for Phyllis or Stanley.
Didn’t know Goldman could read and write.