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Everyone’s life in their twenties follows the same course. You meet your significant other, you date for a year, you move in together, you get a dog for Instagram likes, you get engaged, and then you’re set for the rest of your life. That’s just how it goes.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock and/or don’t read our esteemed and respected website as much as you should, you know that I recently got an English Springer Spaniel named Rosie. Coming up with Rosie’s name was one of the most trying times of my life. I wanted something approachable, but not too common. You know, common enough that people wouldn’t say, “That is not a dog name.” When I paired that name with the one single photo I had of her, it just made sense. And that’s all you can ask for.
Was I pleased to see that her name wasn’t listed in this year’s Most Popular Dog Names of 2017? Of course. I don’t want a carbon copy of someone else’s dog. But, per Travel & Leisure, there are a lot of people naming their dogs the exact same name.
Here are the most popular.
Male
Charlie – 8/10
Admittedly, yes, I had a dog named Charlie growing up but I won’t let that cloud my vision. Charlie, for all intents and purposes, is a strong-to-very strong dog name. It’s breed-agnostic, rolls off the tongue, and will make a suitable name for any retriever you choose to bring into your home.
Cooper – 6/10
Strong name? Yes. Strong dog name? Well, no. The hard “-er” at the end of Cooper makes it a difficult call signal when at the park. The emphasis needed on the first syllable doesn’t allow it to stand out like it needs to. Furthermore, the name requires a low energy, chill puppy – none of which exist.
Buddy – 7.5/10
Drawn from the classic Willie Nelson song, “Buddy,” it’s a fastball right down the middle. Buddy gets the job done but it doesn’t differentiate your unique dog from the others running around the dog park sniffing each other’s asses and ignoring their owners.
Jack – 4/10
Again, much like Cooper, we’re looking at an A+ human name that leaves a little bit to be desired when applying to a dog. Jack Dawson, Jack McPhee, Jack Stone. You get it. It ensures your dog will be an alpha, but you need to save this for your prospective son who will become a state championship-winning varsity quarterback who dates the homecoming queen.
Rockie – 6.5/10
Please note the spelling. Rockie. Not Rocky, like the mountains. This is where I take issue. Naming your newly-adopted dog after a mountain range is about as strong as it gets, so with a simple change in spelling, I think we can knock this name up from a 6.5 to an 8.
Oliver – 2/10
I’m not saying Oliver is a bad name, but why go with Oliver when you’re just going to shorten it to Ollie anyway? Ollie puts out “put it on my dad’s tab” at the country club vibes which is obviously what you’re looking for in any name. Abbreve the shit out of Oliver and take your dog from an orphan to the pick of the litter.
Bear – 9/10
The strongest of this year’s bunch. I used to have dreams of naming my son Barrett and watching him chest-bump with his boys after scoring touchdowns as a tight end (obviously caught from Jack). But then I looked in the mirror and realized I’m a skinny-fat blogger and not a Wall Street guy. Bear needs to be reserved for chocolate labs and lumberjacks, not my son.
Duke – 8.5/10
Naming your dog Duke is like being British royalty and naming your son George. Yeah, you’re going to be happy with it. And yeah, he’s going to grow up to be the king of the castle (your four-bedroom, 5.5-bath suburbian house). And yes, he’s going to eat more food than you can possibly imagine because he’s destined to be huge.
Tucker – 4/10
Much like naming your kid “Tucker,” this dog is going to get bullied at Camp Bow Wow when you’re on vacation. “Tucker” is the dog name equivalent of an Auburn undergrad with a frat swoop. Don’t name your dug Tucker.
Female
Lucy – 8.5/10
It’s hard to think of someone saying, “Aw, you’re such a good girl, Lucy” in that dog voice everyone weirdly does and not think, “Wow, this is beautiful.” You can even shorten it to “Luce” when you’re lounging around the house hungover and she’s looking at you longingly from her bed while you watch Season 2 of The Crown.
Daisy – 3/10
The second you find yourself calling Daisy’s name at the park is the same second everyone else at said park clutches their Chuck-Its and thinks to themselves, “Huh, they couldn’t think of anything but Daisy?” It’s not the worst look you can have, but be honest with yourself – you can do better.
Luna – 2/10
Stripper name. Next.
Lola – 5.5/10
We’ve all met a dog named Lola, but none of us can pinpoint exactly whose dog it was. And that’s exactly what a Lola is: good, but not all that memorable. And much like Cooper, it’s a difficult name to differentiate from other dogs when you’re failing to get their attention as they tear down the street toward a squirrel.
Sadie – 6.5/10
You can name your dog Sadie, but with one requirement – it has to be a Golden Retriever. There’s just no other breed that can carry that name quite like a Golden. And yes, Sadie will shed everywhere.
Molly – 7.5/10
Molly’s a good girl. No, she’s not just a good girl. She’s a really good girl. Maybe Molly has a little extra skin around her face and maybe Molly farts in her sleep, but that doesn’t take away from the stonecold fact we’re all aware of: Molly. is. a. good. girl.
Maggie – 7/10
Molly and Maggie hang out. This we know. When the butt sniffing has come to a close and it’s time to pair off and play with each other, Maggie and Molly are more inseparable than Lorelai and Rory. Yes, that was a Gilmore Girls reference, and yes, I’m a straight 30-year-old male.
Bailey – 9/10
Bailey – or as you’ll come to know her, “Bales” – is the leading lady in this year’s crop of names. Bailey can be anything from a Yorkshire Terrier to a Boykin Spaniel to a Yellow Lab, and you’re going to be happy with the choice as she licks your face with her bad breath. Besides, everyone has had a crush on a girl named Bailey at some point in their lives so why not holster that feeling forever? Or, for like, ten to twelve years.
Sophie – 6/10
While Sophie is going to have a beautiful coat and a smile like the sunrise, Sophie is going to be a high-maintenance bitch. And I mean “bitch” in the dog way. Kind of. .
[via Travel & Leisure]
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Hey my parents’ dog is named Sophie you dishonorable son of a bitch.
Dude I said she probably had a nice coat and smile like the sunrise.
Almost rated every single dog a 10/10.
12/10 great list would read again
You follow @weratedogs on instagram? Is a must.
“they’re good dogs Brent” – favorite comeback from WeRateDogs
Will, I work at Chewy.com now, maybe I can help the homies with dog food or whatever. It just download the app so I can keep my job lol
I love that my pets get handwritten Christmas cards in the mail from Chewy every year.. That you Nived??
Haha nah I’m on Day 4 here but I work on the mobile app. The people who write the cards are dope and so are the customer service people. Sat on the funniest call that lasted 90 minutes with a crazy cat lady yesterday while I was shadowing a CSR. I had to walk away and laugh. I should probably write a column about it actually
Help the PGP community out and hook us up with some promo codes
They don’t do promo codes unless it’s direct mail. You save 20% in the app if you set up your first order as an Auto-ship. Pricing changes every ~15 minutes via back end socket-polling
Jack is a great name for a dog, I don’t care what you say. If Blind JackJack could read he’d be VERY OFFENDED.
Had a “Molly” growing up. Called her Molly-Tamale, was easily the best dog in the park.
Kind of awkward running around the park asking if anyone has seen “Molly” though
Had a molly too growing up. She was a great girl!
A chocolate lab named Bear in a Filson Dog Collar is great for the brand.
Throw a mallard in his mouth and you’ve got yourself a Christmas card
“Auburn undergrad with a frat swoop…” you’re not wrong
When I think of the name “Rosie”, I think of critically acclaimed actress, comedian and good friend of Donald Trump, Rosie O’Donnell.
Can confirm the amount of Tuckers with swoops at Auburn is high.
One of our dogs is a former show dog so his actual name is “Doctor Pepper.” We call him Doc. Love that dog.
A Teagyn-Lee owns a Luna