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As a society, America puts work priorities over literally everything else. So I guess it’s only natural that we’ve reached a point where the full-time nanny is in high demand. Kids fresh out of college in every nook and cranny of the country are forgoing traditional job offers to take care of someone else’s kids year-round, and I’m intrigued by it.
I see nannies in public parks, on the street, and in busy restaurants all day. I’m pretty sure they have a union. I don’t really like kids — they’re exhausting, expensive, and altogether obnoxious. But I’ve heard rumors that nannying pays like, really well. Nannying for the well-to-do is now something similar to a corporate gig in that you’re looking at full benefits, 60-80k per year, and paid vacations to tropical destinations.
The only kicker is that you have to spend time raising fucking children and dealing with all of the bullshit that goes along with that. You’re getting paid to clean up the messes that parents either don’t want to deal with or don’t have time to deal with.
I don’t know a lot about the profession. I have to assume that most parents who can afford a full-time nanny are helicopter parents. The kind of people who would require their nannies to speak to their kids in a different language so as to prepare them for Ivy League interviews when college rolls around. From movies and TV that depict this particular brand of parent, you’ve got to think there are crazy dietary restrictions involved as well.
I have a friend who nannies and she told me that one of the first things her employer told her was that the three children she’d be looking over legitimately believe that sparkling water is soda.
Imagine how sheltered those kids have to be to believe such an outlandish lie? And also imagine how brutal it would be to go through the first few years of your childhood never tasting a Coca-Cola Classic. The humanity.
Factoring in summer vacation, this job has the potential to be a real pain in the ass. But do you have to work weekends, too? I suppose it all depends on the parents. I’d like to think that parents would want to spend time with their children on the weekends because corporate life is preventing them from doing that during the weekday.
On a daily basis here, aren’t we talking about a job where you’re working four or five hours a day? Get the kids, take them to school, and then what? You’re just free to lounge around a rich family’s home alone for the rest of the day? Sign me the fuck up.
The real question on the table is this — is the juice worth the squeeze? From the outside looking in, it would seem like it absolutely is. Imagine me, in pleated khakis and a bone white women’s blouse — five dollar latte in one hand and two children on a leash on the other — just strutting my stuff about town. That’s a powerful image, and I think if employers can get past my affinity for booze and cigarettes I could be a prime candidate for a nanny position..