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Questions From The Chase: Trying To Hook Up With A Coworker

by Sep 22, 2016
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Questions From The Chase: Trying To Hook Up With A Coworker

I haven’t done a Questions From The Chase segment in quite some time because, well, to be perfectly honest your questions haven’t been very good. But this one caught my eye because this dude clearly has no idea what he’s doing.

Duda,

Sup? First of all, bring The Chase back man.. give the people what they want.

Secondly, I’ve got quite a situation on my hands and I’m not sure how to handle it. The idea goes against popular belief, so I think that you’ll feel me on this.

I really hit it off with a girl from work. It started with some messages back and forth on the company e-mail. Next, grabbing lunch together a couple times a week (splitting bill of course). It evolved to texting and snapchatting on the reg. Now, planning to go get dinner/drinks next weekend.

I’ve always been told not to “shit where I eat” when it comes to situations like this, AKA don’t fuck any of your coworkers. But, we’ve got tons in common, she’s extremely down to earth, and not to mention smoking hot. Is this a trap? Although we work for the same company, we’re in different departments and rarely if ever need to interact with each other at work. So if shit goes south, it would not (should not) carry over into the workplace.

What do you think? Am I insane for going after the hot chick at the office?

In response to the first part of your question, I’m not really at liberty to discuss The Chase at this juncture. It’s at the request of a person who shall remain nameless. More in the coming weeks on that because I’ll more than likely muck it up sooner rather than later.

Now, let’s get to the meat of your e-mail. I’m going to give you some advice that you’re not going to like and I’m almost guaranteeing you won’t use. I didn’t want to start my Thursday morning off like this, but you’ve forced my hand and I hope you can understand that I’m not trying to belittle you, I’m just telling you the truth as I see it. You asked me for advice so advice is what you are going to get.

Let’s start with the only reason you e-mailed me: to tell me about your “situation.” Your message was nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt to inflate your self-worth. This isn’t a situation so much as it is you looking way too hard into something that, at its core, is innocent and not in your favor. So your texting and Snapchatting some girl from work on the regular. I noticed you didn’t give me any details about who is initiating these texts or Snapchats, and that’s more than likely because it’s always you. That’s all good and well, but girls Snapchat and text people other than guys that they want to have sex with. And I don’t think this girl wants to have sex with you. She’s being nice to you. Is this your first time? Because I honestly can’t believe that you aren’t picking up on the signs that I’m picking up on from a 100-word e-mail. She wants a friend at the office so that she doesn’t lose her goddamn mind in that windowless torture chamber also known as a cubicle.

You’re bored. I get it, man. But don’t try and drum up some imaginary office romance between you and one of your coworkers because your job sucks. There is no situation and it really feels like you’re just looking for romance in the wrong place. So let me tell you what you should do and what you’re going to do.

What You Should Do

Stop trying to force something that’s not going to happen in the office. Go to the bar or get on Bumble like the rest of us and take your chances with someone who isn’t going to be at office happy hours for the next year and a half. Forget about this girl and get outside of your comfort zone because the only outcome I’m seeing from you taking her to dinner is you getting embarrassed. I’m sure she’s awesome to hang out with when you’re bored at work or you need someone to go to lunch with. But don’t just assume she’s into you because she Snapchats you.

What You’re Going To Do

You’re going to disregard everything I’ve written to you. You’re going to take her to dinner. And you’re going to end up offering to pay for the entire thing. After that happens, you guys will leave the restaurant and tip-toe around what you’re doing with the rest of the night. You go in for a kiss and she backs up. She’s going to hop in her uber to her friend with benefits and you’re going to go to your buddies apartment and drink a few beers while shaking your head thinkings “Damn, I can’t belive he was right.” Congratulations, you now have to walk on eggshells around the office for the rest of the time that you work at the office.

You have a girls phone number from work. She probably gave it to you during office hours one day when you guys were tag teaming a project or something. Either that or the office manager took it upon herself to compile a spreadsheet with everyone’s name, phone number, and birthday on it. That’s all incredibly standard stuff. So you’re grabbing lunch with her a few times a week, and, gasp! You’re both paying for your meals. Sparks are not flying and you don’t have anything that qualifies as a situation on hand.

Do you know what you are to this girl? A really nice person who she is not attracted to sexually. You are a platonic friend. She’s telling the dude that she hooks up with during the week that she has to get dinner with you next Friday and she’ll be free to hang out around 9:00 p.m. So you asked me if this is a trap. Well, not really. It’s more that you’re just an idiot who can’t read the writing on the fucking wall. Go back to the drawing board.

Image via YouTube

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