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It’s been a hot minute since the last installment of “Questions From The Chase”, but as I sat down this morning to enjoy a fresh cup of Cafe Bustelo, I saw a notification that an anonymous question had popped up on my Tumblr page.
I’m not sure if you guys finally wised up and realized I’m not a great person to ask questions to regarding your dating life but I always enjoy getting these and I encourage you all to keep sending them.
This is all going to be based on my limited understanding of this situation so if I’m off the mark here feel free to tell me. However, you asked one of the biggest jackasses on the internet what he thought about your girl situation so that’s kind of on you.
Let’s get to it.
Jd, you’re a hero (years) long story short. Been friends with a girl since undergrad. Rekindled post grad then I moved to a new city. Last fall got lots closer, now talk most everyday, mostly over Snapchat. I’ve stayed at her place, vacationed with her, etc. Always backburner crushed on her. I know it sounds 100% friendzone. But I’m pretty shy and so is she. Is it on me to just be blunt and go out on a limb or just keep waiting?
Normally, I would say you’re fucked. Normally, I would tell you that you need to hang the cleats up. Normally, I would say that the juice is definitely not worth the squeeze. But it’s September 1st, football is back, and for some strange reason, I think you’ve got a shot here and I’m not just saying that. Being friends with a girl in college is not uncommon in the slightest and maybe the timing just wasn’t right there. She probably had a boyfriend or vice versa and you guys started talking more as you settled into new lives in different cities following graduation.
A funny thing happens following college. It could be something as innocuous as a g-chat, although I’m assuming that your friendship got reawakened over Snapchat.
Whatever the case, a flame can flicker for a long time before it dies out, and what I think you have on your hands here is a good old fashioned war of attrition. Both sides waiting for the other to blink.
You said yourself that you’re both shy. Shyness leads to mixed signals, missed opportunities, and bad reads. I bet when you two took that vacation, you were conjoined at the hip and I’m sure there were plenty of times when you thought that the mood was set just right to finally make a move. But I get it. You’re alone on vacation with her.
If you make that move and she rejects your advances, you’re in a big time pickle. The rest of that vacation is essentially shot and you’d probably be on the next flight home. So good on you for not making that move. Lesser mortals than yourself would have tried it and more than likely failed. But there has to be some sort of attraction here. I’ve seen this situation before with close friends.
You get a Snap streak going with some girl who you never dreamed in a million years would be into you. Now you guys are sending “good morning” snaps to each other and using that handy little chat tool quite often. There are aspects of this relationship that sound like you’re knee deep in the friend zone. But that part about going on vacation with her?
There’s no way this girl isn’t slightly attracted to you. You’ve got one card in your hand that you can play and you need to put it down on the fucking table. It’s called mystery. She’s always thought about what it would be like if you guys got together. That’s not a theory, either, that’s a guaranteed fact.
On several occasions, she’s probably talked about you to her friends. Those friends have probably urged her to either stay away or finally just pull the trigger and make a move. Clearly, she’s staying away.
Being indecisive is no way to go through life, my man. I say make a move and make it sooner rather than later.
She’s obviously not going to do it herself and there’s no telling how much longer this chick is going to stay single. Tell her how you feel and see what happens.
It’s autumn, baby. There’s a magic in the air that no other season has and I think you’re going to find that whichever way the ball bounces (either in your favor or not), you’ll be happy that you know where you stand.
You can’t keep going like this constantly thinking about whether or not you’re just a friend. Shoot the shot and see what happens. That’s all any of us can do in this life. .
Image via Youtube
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
Actual solid advice from Duda?!?!? Wow.
This girl is either waiting for you to make a move or hoping that you don’t. But if she’s snap chatting you every day it’s probably the former. Only one way to find out!
Yep. Dick pick Snapchat. Do it for the content
– Bad advice guy
As a female deploying this tactic currently, can confirm we just want the guy to ask us out. Aka waiting for my work crush to get the hint…
Snap a beaver pic. BING!
Never date a coworker
A PGP cliche at this point but I think it rings true here, “shooters shoot”. Good luck buddy.
Just go for it, my man. If you don’t, next thing you know you’ll be a “bridesman” at her wedding to some other shmuck, and you don’t want that.
Ask yourself this question: are you friends with her only because you like her and want to be more than friends? If yes, make a move because otherwise it’ll be in the back of your mind forever.
I recommend getting drunk with her and doing it then. Pretty much everyone that I know that is now dating a girl they used to be friends with made a move when the two of them got drunk.
Worked for me got drunk and told her what was up. We’ve been dating for a little over a year now.
I’m way late to this party and I hope you already made your move, but Jr year of college I found myself recently single, a friend of mine found herself recently single, we got drunk and had what we thought was a one night stand, she’s now my wife of several years and about to be the mother of my child. Go for it.
I’m a big fan of this move.
I shot my shot this week with a lady and even though I missed, I feel better knowing that I didn’t leave anything back.
Kind of like when you burned Atlanta?
yep! good times, good times
I’ll tell you the same thing I tell anyone that hesitates to shoot a wide open jumper in a pick up game: “fucking shoot it”
This kid is definitely going to regret not at least having a conversation with her about this whole thing. If she only wants to be friends, cool, you at least can still be friends without it being awkward by trying to pull a move. If she wants more then that, then get to work buddy cause from the sound of it she’s been waiting awhile for it to happen as well. If you truly are that good of friends then a talk about where you stand will only make things better and you won’t have to think about the “what if” anymore.
Shoot your fucking shot baby!
You can prop a window open for a while, but they always shut, eventually. Nothing worse than the slow fade from something you had big hopes for. Duda nailed this one. Go for it; fortune favors the bold!