Put The Sweaters And Wool Socks Away — It’s Time To Start Living That Patio Life

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More times than I’d care to admit this year, I’ve said that the weather is finally starting to turn here in the midwest, and each time I’ve been hit with a hard dose of reality in the form of freezing rain or snow.

I feel like this time – this declaration – is the one that is finally going to stick. It’s supposed to be 50 degrees or better here in my neck of the woods through Sunday, and if that’s not summer weather then I don’t know what is. Is it a little sad that I consider 50 degrees to be summer weather? Probably. I know that you southerners reading this will scoff at that temperature but if that’s as good as it’s going to get in late April here in Chicago, I will take it.

There’s a very real time period for folks in this country that experience snow that I refer to as “Patio Season.” Each year when the weather begins going to shit in late October, patios in cold weather climates are cleared off for the winter and thrown in storage.

The desolate, empty patios are somewhat depressing to look at during the off season. When it’s really snowing outside, the concrete where you enjoyed six margaritas and five tacos is nowhere to be seen. In February (at least in Chicago), I’ve seen people on the verge of tears reminiscing about days of yore when they’d sit on their favorite patio and drink themselves into a stupor that would make even the most seasoned drinker run for the hills.

Patio Season isn’t something that is talked about in the south or on the west coast because the patio life can be lived year around there. And while that is all well and good and I sometimes envy those people for living a life that is basically “Patio Unlimited,” I do think that only being allowed to refer to patio life as a season has its benefits.

For one thing, I’m much more grateful when Patio Season rolls around than my southern counterpart. I appreciate every single Saturday afternoon or Thursday night after work on a patio because I know how fleeting it is. May through late September is really all I have, and I know that each time I elect to sit in an air-conditioned environment I’m squandering an opportunity to drink outdoors.

There’s also a very real vibe that one puts out while sitting on a patio that is impossible to recreate inside of a restaurant. Patio Life has no dress code and it doesn’t require a membership fee. You can show up in a pair of beer-stained Patagonia baggies fresh from the beach (5” inseam, obvi) and no one is going to blink an eye. When I get onto a patio and take my first sip, my mind gets tricked into thinking I’m living some sort of tropical island life.

Troubles and worries are no longer real, and catching a tasty buzz while you soak in the sun isn’t nice or fun. It’s beyond that. I feel closer to God when I’m on patio time. My leash is longer in terms of off-color jokes that I can say when I’m out on a patio.

Laughs are more uproarious. Even my stupid one-liners get a heartier laugh outside on the patio than they would indoors sitting in artificial cold and whining about how it’s too hot outside. Don’t be making excuses for the soulless ginger in your friend group who didn’t bring sunscreen, either. Let them burn. It’s just more fodder for you and your pals while you sip coldies on the patio.

I’ve long been of the mindset that enduring a winter with snow makes me a better man. I like having a little variety in my seasons, so having to wait until April or May for nice weather feels good in some sick way after I’ve trudged through all manner of sleet, rain, and snow for 5 months. Patio Season is upon us ladies and gentleman and I am totally stoked to the max about it. .

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Johnny D

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