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Expectation: “I’m gonna have so much money.”
Reality: “I’m gonna spend so much money.”
Expectation: “Working in a cubicle won’t be THAT bad.”
Reality: “If I hear Deborah talk about her cat one more time I’m going to skin that little shit alive.”
Expectation: “Work is going to be so much easier than college.”
Reality: “Work is harder than college, and there isn’t nearly as much casual sex to balance the equation.”
Expectation: “I’m actually really excited about this job, guys.”
Reality: “Is it Friday yet?”
Expectation: “Rush hour is going to suck in the morning, but I can handle it.”
Reality: “FUCK YOU DOUCHE USE YOUR GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH BLINKER!”
Expectation: “I’m going to try to take it easy and drink less during the week.”
Reality: “Happy hour anyone?”
Expectation: “I’m just gonna move out there and figure out my furniture later.”
Reality: “It’s been four weeks and we still don’t have a living room couch.”
Expectation: “I wouldn’t be caught dead in a hybrid car.”
Reality: “38 miles to the gallon!? Hold on a second…”
Expectation: “I’ll just wake up early and get a workout in.”
Reality: “If I wake up at exactly 8:46am, I’ll never be late.”
Expectation: “I’ll be just fine without my parents.”
Reality: “MOMMM, how do you file taxes/cook spaghetti/fold a button down shirt?”
Expectation: “My new car is going to be awesome.”
Reality: “My new car is going to be inexpensive and practical.”
Expectation: “There’s no way I’m going to get in a relationship anytime soon.”
Reality: “Well, she cooks me dinner and has sex with me anytime I want, so yeah I guess we’re dating.”
Expectation: “Paying all these student loans off will be a breeze.”
Reality: “Were all of these payments really worth that extra night of drinking during the week?”
Expectation: “Making new friends won’t be that hard.”
Reality: “Vincent from Tech Support is the only person I know.”
Expectation: “If I’m really trying to party, I’m sure finding some drugs will be easy.”
Reality: “Just bought a fresh bottle of ZzzQuil, so I’m set for the next few weeks.”
Expectation: “I’ve got a nice long lunchbreak, can’t wait to try some of the local eats.”
Reality: “How many homemade turkey and swiss sandwiches can a man eat before he goes insane?”
Expectation: “Hooking up was easy for me in college, I doubt post grad life will be any different.”
Reality: “I right swipe every single girl I see on Tinder. I’m just trying to get laid, man.”
Expectation: “How the hell do I file my taxes?”
Reality: “How the hell do I file my taxes?”
Respond
Joe Nullet
Joe is the VP of Branding & Marketing for Grandex Inc and co-host of the Dudes Doing Business Podcast. He prides himself on his abundance of LinkedIn Powerpoint Endorsements.
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@jpnullet
joenullet
After graduation, I lucked out and my aunt gave me her old living room furniture. However, it took me 6 months to get the cigarette smoke out of them and 12 months to get her perfume out. But I got a couch, a love seat, a chair and an ottoman. I let it sit in storage during my deployment to Iraq and that helped the smell. But, in the end, I had furniture that wasn’t totally hideous and it was free.
Way too long of a comment
Expectation: “I wouldn’t be caught dead in a hybrid car.”
Reality: “38 miles to the gallon!? Hold on a second…”
Uhh, my Prius C gets 50+ on average, and even more when I’m tooling around the city (I live in ATL). Judge me freely.
Or you could have bought a Ford Fiesta for $5,000 less, and it would take you about 100,000 miles to make up that difference in gas savings with your Prius.
Still no decent weed connection and I have basic, albeit vague, understanding of what “Molly” is.
You people need turbotax
Use H&R Block. They have people to actively search for deductions, whereas TurboTax allows you to enter exactly the amount of deductions you are aware you qualify for.
Dude with no kids no wife I never have enough deductions to even come close to the standard.
A life saver. Plug-n-go.
Taking the standard deduction. #PGP
Worked for Tim Geithner
I keep telling people i’m an anti-hoarder, and trying the “minimalist movement”
I just can’t bring myself to buy any furniture… and own a bed and a tv