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I see social norms violated every day. There’s a guy in this complex who uses a paper towel to grip the handle while exiting the bathroom and then tosses it on the floor because there’s no trashcan there. Weird move, very low-rent, but it doesn’t really affect me outside of having to see three or four balled up paper towels in the corner by the end of the day. Today, though, I seen some shit, and because it went down at my signature lunch spot, Chipotle, I took it personally.
I hit the ‘le two or three times per week. I always expect a line, because it’s a consistently decent and quick meal that people can feel good about depending on their nutrition goals. Today was no different. The line wasn’t out the door, but it was close enough that you’d think twice before committing to it. Per usual, you had lots of people looking down at their phones to avoid any type of social interaction. I don’t judge them for that, but when I’m feeling high and mighty, I’ll keep mine in my back pocket so I can really “disconnect” for a bit. I can usually make it four or five minutes until I get sick of making eye contact with the same high school chud shoveling rice and bean residue into his stupid mouth. I’m still a work in progress.
Well, we were moving along fine, and then we seemed to hit a real lull in forward movement. That happens. You can almost expect that during peak lunch rush. You stop, step to the side to see what’s going on, and the guy behind you starts inching closer to you as if his momentum can will the entire line forward. It’s a cycle. During my investigatory gaze toward the front, I saw what I believe a thirty-something woman*, full pantsuit, with a handful of envelopes and three large to-go bags. Oh, helllll no.
Office orders happen. Sometimes you luck out and the office admin was woke enough to order online, and other times you’re forced to watch someone read multiple orders off of a goddam index card. Huge kick to the scrote, but that’s a risk you’re assuming when you step in line for a highly average, yet satisfying, burrito. But never in my most messed up dreams have I encountered someone ordering for the entire office AND PAYING SEPARATELY for each order. I counted 9, but it felt like a thousand. It gets better. Those little envelopes? They had debit cards, and in some instances, cash. CASH. Legal tender, bank notes, currency. Imagine what kind of asshole you have to be in the year 2017 to not only send a runner to snag burritos for the entire office, but to also drop a Hamilton in an envelope for her. That’s pure evil.
That is most certainly not the move. I need to know what kind of bootleg office either doesn’t know you can order online, or doesn’t care. Further, how did no one recognize the situation was prime for a nice little lick on the credit card points? Am I too disconnected from everyday America on this one? You toss over your AMEX and then hit them with that Venmo. That’s how it works. I demand to speak to the senior leadership of this office who greenlighted this social suitcase nuke..
*I don’t care if you were following orders. You are just as guilty. There’s blood on your hands.
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Dave
Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.
@dcarterruff
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david@grandex.co
This office’s unchecked disregard for their fellow humans should be punishable under RICO laws
^
I bet Defries does this for Grandex.
please
Better than duda; to seem “Cool” and “interesting” he’d probably take off one of is wool socks, fill it with exact change (no dimes though, only “dimes” he deals with are ones he bangs, and those are really just nickels) and think the one sock and birkenstocks look actually works, leaving the lone, smelly sock to lay out on his desk for weeks.
As much as he’s a beta, he’s too much of a selfish millennial to be this generous
The power move is doing a fax order form for one burrito. Nothing better than sending the sheet over the fax line, and having it print out slowly on the other side. #FaxStuff2017
I’m fully behind bringing the fax back in 2017.
Just had a discussion about this yesterday at Jersey Mike’s. Hate when people do this nonsense, well said Dave.
I hate to get riled up so late in the day but I thought it was important.
So what’s for dinner tonight?
IMO’s Pizza.
I heard great things about it today.
Why isn’t the intern getting you lunch Dave?
I’ve ordered online, picked it up, and stayed in the restaurant to eat before. It’s a power move, Dave, and I suggest you do the same.
Dave, did you see a Money Order?
Cashier’s Check.
what are you waiting in line for? Oder that joint online and pick it up. in and out in 5 minutes
Eh, the pickup has its perks. However, I feel like I get more when I stare them down while making it.
What’s your typical ‘le order Dave? I assume bowl of some sort, cos you’re a lean fella who’s always on the #CuttingGrind
Burrito on workout days (I pump in the morning), and bowls on off days.
Chipotle is trash don’t @ me.