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When I was 16, my Father decided to exploit my newly found driving privileges so he and a few of his buddies could go play some golf, get hammered, and then have me come pick them up. I dropped them off at the course around 11 a.m. and he would call my cell phone when they were ready to go home. I was then tasked with the chore of lying around the house on a Saturday night instead of trying to get a girl to let me feel her boobs over her shirt. Who knows? Maybe that over-the-shirt-boob-feel could’ve resulted in a hand-j or *gasp* even a beej.
Well, wouldn’t you know it, my cell phone rings at 2:30 a.m. and my old man his bombed requesting his ride home. For those keeping count at home, that’s a four-hour round of golf followed by a solid eleven-and-a-half hours of hard boozing.
I pick up my dad and his friends (all of whom lived in our neighborhood) and drop them off one by one. Prior to the final drop off, my dad’s friend spouted what might be the greatest piece of advice I have ever heard:
“Holy shit, my wife’s gonna be pissed at me. Never get married, Billy. Save your money and buy golf clubs.”
Seriously sage advice.
So I took that advice and employed it well for the next 14 years of my life. I was a man on the prowl only interested in the next hot piece of ass to walk in front of me. I could not be tied down and no amount of home cooked dinners, blowjobs or wealthy parents could tell me otherwise. In my mind, I was destined for a life of bachelorhood. A life free of monetary squabbles, petty arguments and having to explain myself. That’s the life I wanted to live.
As I type this out I almost want to laugh at how much living the old man lifestyle has changed me. My youthful arrogance destined me to be single for the rest of my life. But now that I am old, I lack the certain vigor that once came quite naturally. Before, I wouldn’t turn my head for anything less than an 8 (piece of advice: this is a good way to have an INCREDIBLY low batting average). Now, I have found myself with a nice, quiet girl who I get along with swimmingly. She generally lets me do whatever I want and gives me space when I require it. Hell, she even agreed to let me set up a small man room in our cramped apartment.
I guess what I am getting at is, no matter what you youngsters view as your future in relationships…it’s going to change. Granted, I have a few buddies who are still holding strong, but almost all of my friends have caved into submission. It’s not like one day I woke up and was tired of all the energy I had to put forth in chasing girls. It was more of a slow, gradual war of attrition that took over and eventually won.
Despite what might seem like a total loss for me, I have come to accept my fate and am more or less cool with it. On the plus side, I have conditioned the Mrs. to believe a round of golf takes approximately 9 hours…and I just got a new set of irons. My dad’s buddy would be proud. .
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@billfromthebank
The trick is to find someone who’s okay with you doing you. If she wants you to change who you are and what you enjoy in life, she ain’t the one. My wife is fine with all my time spent playing video games, drinking beer with friends, and doing things I enjoy, as long as I don’t interrupt her doing… whatever the hell it is that she does for fun.
Not to rain on the parade, but my wife was 110% cool with me doing whatever I wanted too…right up until we had a kid. Now, an 8-hour golf escapade means she basically doesn’t get to do crap all day because she’s watching our kid. And on the flip side, her going to the spa all afternoon means I am in for 4 hours of Octonauts and playing barbies instead of a nice golf nap. Even going to the grocery store or mowing the lawn involves negotiation and planning.
You can always make your kids go to work, Nike is always hiring kids for like 3 cents a week in other countries. Just tell them they’re going to summer camp or something. You’ll have so much free time after that. (Here come the down votes)
Well plus think of the experience. By the time they graduate college, they’ve already got 15+ years under their belt.
Right. That will give them the right amount of work experience to get an entry level office job that pays sub-market salary value.
But will that be enough minimum experience for potential employers by that time?
Kids ruin lives in a strong advocate for that
Im^
I am guessing that 110% might be inflated a tad bit.
Nah, she’d encourage me. “It’s going to be a nice weekend, why don’t you and your buddies go golf?” Of course, it was just a ruse so she could go shopping and come home and hide the bags before I saw, but still.
What did they do with their golf clubs for eleven and half hours?
Members at a CC I assume. Leave them lockered at the club.
Slow foursome ahead?
Still holding strong. Mainly because many chicks don’t like to be alone for long periods of time and I frankly would rather not put in he effort in a job that requires me to balance family and job. Watched many guys get multiple divorces and lose lots of money. Not for me.
ATW. I have been married for 3 years and am 0 for 3 for being home on my wife’s birthday, but she is amazing and has her own career to dominate. Also, our lab. She keeps my wife great company when I’m away.