“New York Times Vows” Is My New Favorite Follow

"New York Times Vows" Is My New Favorite Follow

The Vows section of The New York Times is everything you’d expect it to be: high-end, pretentious, white collar, WASPy, the works. To get the general jist of how bougie these pieces actually are, you don’t need to look any further than the tags attached to the columns themselves — “opera” and “wines” are two of the results on page one.

It reads like a “Who’s Who?” of The Hamptons, or a roll call for graduates who found love at happy hours at the Manhattan-based Ivy League members only clubs. Long story short, beneath the surface of the Vows section, there lies a tongue-in-cheek humor that anyone with some type of social self-awareness can get a hearty Frasier-esque laugh from. And now there’s a Twitter account that pompously and perfectly mocks them with by-lines that make one say, “Wait, did they actually print this?”

See for yourself.

I have a friend that works for a company called “Strategic Consulting” and whenever someone asks what he does, I just respond, “He consults people strategically.”

I imagine everyone that gets a write-up in the New York Times has a higher net worth (old money!) than George and Amal, so they’d probably actually scoff at this.

This is actually exactly how one should describe The League, which is self-described as, “You’re smart, busy & ambitious. You don’t need a dating app to get a date – you’re too popular as it is.” Just come on.

Nantucket Red and lobster bakes, that’s what rich people do!

With Christmas coming, did I recently shop Vera Bradley for an iPhone case for my mom? Yes, yes, I did.

(Side note: Mom, I didn’t get you one, sorry.)

He was probably dressed similarly to how he was at The Hunt, wearing a Patagonia vest over his Filson shirt that paired well with a classic pair of $250 jeans and custom dove hunting boots.

“Oh my! You know Bitsy too? Our parents used to play polo together! Small world.”

There’s that Frasier-esque laugh we talked about.

Okay, let’s be honest with ourselves — they had 19th century love seats and Waterford champagne flutes that they weren’t concerned about breaking.

Sounds familiar.

[via @NYTvows]

Image via YouTube

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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