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I recently started seeing a personal trainer, and something I’ve learned is that there is an exercise for every single muscle in your body. Want a flatter stomach, toned arms, thinner thighs? There’s an exercise for that. As a lady, there are even weightlifting moves I can do to make my boobs look lifted and perkier. And if I really want to get down to business, there are these things called Kegels I can do to tighten things up down below. But for dudes, there is one body part that there are no known exercises for. I mean, cock curls, dick dead lifts and penis pushups all sound like they would probably cause more harm than good, so what’s a dude to do when he wants to strengthen his most important muscle?
Well, apparently all you guys need to do is drink more coffee. The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston recently released the findings of a new study which shows that guys over the age of 20 who consumed 2 to 3 cups of coffee a day (or the caffeine equivalent of) were less likely to report erectile dysfunction issues than dudes who avoid the java.
According to NewNowNext, study coauthor Run Wang, M.D… actually, I’m going to stop here for a minute to let you take in the fact that his name is RUN WANG, and he’s conducting a penis study. Just go ahead and get all of the giggles out. All set? Okay, good. Moving on…
Dr. Wang explained that caffeine has properties similar to erectile dysfunction medications such as Viagra. The stimulant produces a series of effects that cause the arteries in the penis to relax and the blood flow to increase, both of which are keys to a strong hard-on. Bonus: the connection between the caffeine effect and a more powerful penis was strongest in overweight guys, so not only can you drink as much caffeine as you want, you can also use having a firmer fun stick as your excuse for keeping your dad bod.
So wait a minute…I have to spend hours clinching the muscles in my nether regions in the hopes of obtaining the ever-illusive orgasm and all you bastards have to do for a stronger dick is drink coffee? Sounds like us ladies are getting the short end of the stick (pun 100 percent intended)..
[via NewNowNext]
Image via Shutterstock
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
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Dear 2NotBrokeGirls,
Want to grab a coffee sometime 🙂
Love,
Shibby
P.S. I’ll bring the sugar, honey 🙂
Shrubby will be solely responsible for the 2018 syphilis outbreak in Austin.
So you’re saying I might not die a virgin 🙂
I bet my first time will be like this Gif… better coffee up!
Starbucks giftcard going on the Christmas list
Dudes can do Kegels too, y’know. It’s not hard.
(but they’re easier when it is)
All I could think of while reading that 1st paragraph was Tenacious D’s “Cock Pushups” bit. One’s all you need.