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Yesterday was just another rainy Monday. I thought I was moving up the ranks when I got moved to a window office, but now I just waste my time watching imaginary raindrop races across my window. Remember when you were a kid, on those long road trips, and you would sit in the backseat of the car and just watch the rain drops race across the window? Sometimes I would cheer them on, and I always got real excited when they would swallow each other. Well here I am today, just racing raindrops and watching the time tick away, so I decided to get Taco Bell for lunch.
I can’t stand the Taco Bell near my office. The prices are all 50 cents higher than the one in the town that I live in. Getting in and out is a pain, and the staff there just really sucks. I normally don’t expect much from Taco Bell but this place is bottom tier and then some. While I was waiting for ten minutes for my food, I really had to take a leak, so I ran to the bathroom. This particular Taco Bell has the single bathrooms that lock, so I went for the handle and it was unlocked. Normally people might knock, but I hate knocking, so if it’s unlocked I normally give it a try. I swing the door open to see one of the more disturbing sights I’ve seen in my 23 years. Some guy was sitting on the toilet with his pants around his ankles, leaned back with his hands over his head while some woman with black hair was giving him special kisses.
Now, I’ve seen a lot of shit in my life. I’ve got some friends that have made bad decisions from time to time and I’ve been in some sticky situations before. I’ve seen puke, I’ve seen that vine of someone taking a dump out of their car window, I’ve seen many Fail Fridays on our brother site and I’ve seen much more disturbing and disgusting things. I’ve helped both cows and horses give birth. I really feel like I’ve seen everything short of being in a combat zone or a first responder to a catastrophe. I think I just witnessed the most disturbing thing to date, however. I am traumatized and full of questions.
Were they married? Were they cheating? Is this some hot and heavy colleague romance that requires secrecy? If so, why did they pick Taco Bell? Did these two lovers meet in line waiting for their food when the lady decided she wanted to eat a different kind of chalupa instead? Why didn’t they get a hotel? Or do it in their car? What are they thinking? WHY DIDN’T THEY LOCK THE DOOR? Did they hear me open the door?
I’m just so confused right now. I would not be as surprised if I walked in on that in a college town Taco Bell late at night or back in my hometown in the middle of the day (just kidding, my hometown is so small we don’t even have a McDonalds or any fast food for that matter). I would never expect to find two grown and probably very wealthy (just google Loudoun County) adults getting it on in a Taco Bell bathroom. Usually, I can respect a power move like that, but today I’m just speechless. I don’t even know if I can get any work done the rest of the week. I’m at a loss for words.
If you need some midday sloppy-top, please don’t get it in a Taco Bell bathroom. .
Image via Rob Wilson / Shutterstock.com
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@delph_13
@gdelph13
gdelph
Man’s got the right idea, nothing better than a lunchtime quesalupa while getting your gordita chimchanga’d.
Sounds like that Taco Bell has an unofficial secret menu for dine in only.
Yeah, but real question is; what did you order?
Cheesy potato burrito, two beefy nacho grillers, beefy fritos burrito, and two nachos
I guess what you saw didn’t affect your appetite
Big man’s gotta eat, fam.
Jeez Delph, I’m not sure if I’m more disgusted or impressed by that order.
I think the true measure of a TB order is the $10 mark. Keep it under and you’re a king. Over and you’re a fat ass.
Then consider me a fat ass.
Sounds like you got your money’s worth though.
Nothing makes you more ashamed and proud at the same time as spending $20+ on yourself at TBell.
Crunchwrap Supreme you cannot go wrong. Also, the crunchwrap breakfast is very good.
According to Reader’s Digest, Blumpkins are in this year. Especially since there’s really no point to life anymore given the fact that the Dorito taco wasn’t as good as expected much like our preconceived notions of our generation’s future.
I don’t think I could be on the receiving end of one of these. I can’t focus on two different things at once. Obviously not giving one either.
Sounds like you’re a selfish lover to me
So I spent too long finding the exact location of this Taco Bell. And Delph there is a five guys down the road!! Who messes with Taco Bell when 5 guys is there
Are you stalking me? Because that’s what I ate today.
5 Guys is way overrated. I’d rather have 2 JBCs from Wendy’s for like 1/3rd the price and 1/10th the grease.
You are a monster. Wendy’s is okay, but Five Guys is the holy grail. And plus living in NoVA, you can call Five Guys local, since it started in Arlington.
Youre a brave man Delph doing T Bell sober
As a fellow Loudoun County resident, I’m shocked that this happened in the upper class suburban soccer mom capital of the country. I hope you enjoyed your lunch.
As a longtime DMV native: this does not shock me in the least.
as long as you didn’t make eye contact…
on a side note, that could’ve been another shitty scene from Temps, did you know its available now, for only $4.99???
As a resident of Herndon and working in Reston, this hit too close to home. To your point, the Wendy’s next to me doesn’t follow national campaigns. No $4 combo or anything. It’s annoying
This was at the Reston T-Bell on Wiehle
This is why you move to Arlington. I took a flight out of Dulles for Christmas, and you couldn’t see the ground from less than 500ft up because of fog. It’s pretty much “here, there be dragons” territory out there unless you’re going to Alamo Drafthouse.
I live right near the town center and was at that Taco Bell two nights ago. Jesus fucking Christ.
When I was a kid growing up in SE CT, all the McDonald’s commercials said “not valid in Fairfield County”. I always felt bad for those people. Then I learned it was because everyone there is a bazillionaire and not worried about a $.59 hamburger.
See, I would have guessed that your Taco Bell lunch break was ruined by Taco Bell