My Neighbor Saw Me Shaving In The Alley And Now I Probably Have To Move

My Neighbor Saw Me Shaving In The Alley And Now I Probably Have To Move

First things first, I’m not homeless. That said, I do happen to engage in a couple of hobo-like activities from time to time.

Monday morning started off like any other, making coffee, making breakfast for baby, taking recycling bin full of diaper boxes and liquor bottles to the curb. Before showering I realized I hadn’t shaved in about a week.

My beard grows in pretty thick. After about day three of no shaving, a razor is powerless. I have an electric trimmer for this purpose, and you never know when you need to shave a friend’s armpit when they pass out on your couch.

Here’s where things get tricky: I can’t use any of my regular sinks or drains for this operation. They are all weak and untrustworthy. How do I know? I know guys. I know.

Usually I like to do this in the wilderness, so forest creatures can use my sheddings for their nests and hutches. Due to poor planning on my part, I was deep in a city this time. However, I have an alley behind my house, which is where my garbage can is. So I took off into the alley with the plans of trimming myself up over the garbage can, then moving to the sink and shower to finish the job.

Just as I finished up the ever intricate chin area, something in the corner of my eye caught my attention. Down the alley and across the street, a bald 50-something man was standing in the alley, just watching me. The look on his face was one of disgust and disdain.

Frazzled, I ran back into my house (I guess it should be noted that I was shirtless at the time). I shaved the remaining bits, showered up, got in the car quickly and left.

So now I don’t know what I’m going to do. My choices are either to move or kill him. Both will take time and resources (the latter in jail time and court fees, the actual operation would be free and take maybe 5 minutes). It’s quite the conundrum. Mondays, am I right?

Image via Shutterstock

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International sailing champion and friend to most wolves. Except Larry, he knows what he did.

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