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The Grade, a dating app in itself, “ranked the sexiest and hottest names on social media dating apps based on incoming like-rate (swiping right).” As someone who has been out of the dating app game for some time now, I definitely spent my fair share of time swiping left and right in bed with my arms fully extended over my head mid-hangover. I’ve seen my fair shares of Mollys, Katies, and Natalies, which is why I thought I’d weigh in with some knee-jerk reactions to the top female names.
1. Brianna
It makes sense that Brianna is on a dating app, because Brianna may be the most undateable name ever. I’m not saying that it’s purely a porn star name, but I am saying that there are probably a million porn stars named Brianna.
2. Erika
Erika’s just looking for love, man. Sure, she floated around in college between the SAE and Sigma Chi houses, but deep down she’s just trying to get some red-wine mouth and see what happens long term.
3. Lexi
Lexi is the girl that has a Marilyn Monroe quote in her profile that Marilyn Monroe definitely did not say.
4. Brooke
Brooke has that wispy kind of bleach-blonde hair that you’d expect to see on a girl in a Joe Dirt movie.
5. Vanessa
A tan brunette, Vanessa has gone from a meathead boyfriend who didn’t care about her emotions to Tinder where her profile features several asterisks and squiggly marks around the description of how carefree she is.
6. April
April should not be on a dating app, and all the male sharks swimming around on the app can tell from a mile away. She’s ignorant and thinks she’ll find a boyfriend when, in all actuality, she’ll only find a dude who’s looking to hit it and quit it for her first one-night stand ever.
7. Natalie
Smile like the sunrise, which isn’t what she’ll be doing when she crawls out of your bed to go to work Friday morning at 6 a.m.
8. Jenna
Jenna “never does this on a first date” but always does this on a first date.
9. Molly
Molly goes hard in the paint on the first date which makes the guy think it’s a good idea to take a few more before realizing she’s single for a reason. And that reason is that she’s bananas. Molly is bananas.
10. Katie
What are you doing on Hinge, Katie? Go back to your old boyfriend. You and I both know you were perfect together and this is no place for you.
For what it’s worth, the top ten male names were Brett, Tyler, Corey, Andy, Noah, Shane, Jeffrey, Rob, Frank, and Jeff. I’d probably chill with all of them, except Corey and Shane. They sound like tools. .
[via Cosmopolitan]
Image via Shutterstock
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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I bet this article would’ve been awful if it was written by anyone else.
God knows if anyone but Will wrote this (looking at you Kendra) we’d be mercilessly shredding them in the comments
Idk if it has to do with where I live, but I don’t even really see all that many of these names. Where are the Ashleys and Laurens?
Also, glad my name made the top 10. And no, not Corey or Shane.
They are at home doing things after graduation.
Is Natalie 5’5 with brown eyes?
Every girl that I’ve ever met named Brianna has been batshit crazy. No surprise whatsoever that it made the list.
Oh so you just hate Boy Meets World, DeFries?
He spells it “Cory,” Todd. Monstrous difference.
You are right. Shade dissolved.
Whoa whoa now Todd you shall call him Will, especially on his nameday.
Nice to see my name and my fiances name on these lists