======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I am not a very affectionate person.
Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration. I definitely am close with people, have deep talks or whatever, tell them I’m glad they’re in my life, and send them inappropriately crass cards on their birthdays. I show the people in my life that they mean a lot to me in my own way, affectionate or otherwise.
But I’m not one of those girls who wears her heart so unapologetically exposed for people to see, comment on, and exchange mutual, “OMG FEELZ” moments with and collectively jump up and down at our shared lovey-doveyness.
My intern, however, is a different story.
At the bright-eyed age of 22, fresh out of college with a fair amount of hope still behind her eyes, Natalie* is essentially a walking billboard for all things happy, excited, and optimistic. And don’t get me wrong, that’s a huge part of why I hired her. She’s so excited to be at work, to be in a (paid) job in her degree’s respective field, that she approaches every task with the amount of excitement that in later 20-somethings is only seen when they hear things like “open bar” and “three day weekend.” Any task I give her is done with a pep in that 5’5″ step and every “sure thing” email response is punctuated with a smiley face with extra ))))s for emphasis so I’m sure to know how PUMPED she is about it.
And I think it’s great. Truly. It being her unapologetic happiness and bubbliness and readiness to do whatever it is she’s set out to do on any given Wednesday. I really do.
Except… there’s one aspect of Natalie that is honestly driving me up the goddamn wall.
And that’s that she is a nickname chick.
We all know the nickname chick. Instead of referring to someone as, idk, their name, she ornaments. She embellishes. She decorates. She calls herself “this girl” and “mama.” Guys become “hun” and “champ” and “sparky.” Significant others become “love” and “sweetie” and “sugar.” Girl-friends become “guuuurl” (always overly and potentially offensively elongated even though they’re always basic white girls, let’s be honest) and “chica.” (Again – always a white girl.)
And, in my experience, we all become “babe.”
I don’t know why, but something about being nicknamed just really doesn’t sit well with me. It feels like an attempt to casualize our every interaction. It takes an email that’s all about pitching a huge client or sending a remote worker a new iMac from a place of business to the same as anything spoken about over vodka sodas on a Thursday. It changes the tone of a Slack from, “I should listen to this,” to, “Idk whatevs!!!” Instead of feeling like I’m at work, I feel like I’m pregaming for a Taylor Swift concert, and I’m honestly really not into it.
But I don’t know how to say it. I’m direct, maybe the office bitch, but there’s no way to say, “Please stop calling me babe,” without feeling awkward, no matter how bitchy or direct you may be. At least not in any way I’ve been able to come up with in the past 6 months.
So that’s where I’m at. Every time I open my inbox and see “Hey babe!!” in the subject line my left eye starts to twitch. Every time I hear those Zara heels coming down the hallway and a, “Can I bug you for a second, babe?” is heard, I tense up. Whenever we’re caught walking out together, casually discussing the impending evening in front of us and she says, “Babe, Mama is SOOOOO ready for a drink,” I fight the urge to roll my eyes.
Nicknames and me. They simply do not go hand and hand.
But I guess I’m just destined to ride it out. Eventually she’ll either be promoted to FT and given a different supervisor or sent on her merry, merry way.
And then she call someone else babe, and I’ll be free. And hopefully called by my name from whatever college grad I hire to replace her spunky, sparkly self. .
*Name has obviously been changed.
Image via YouTube
Respond
Tell her I said whats up tho
I get paid 85 dollar hourly for freelancing. I never thought I can manage to do it but my good friend is making 10000 dollars each month by doing this job and she recommended me to check it out. Try it out on following website, you have nothing to lose.. http://tinyurl.com/zrg9nak
Damnit, Eva. Don’t cock block him just because he isn’t hitting on you.
Sounds like Todd’s gf has a younger – and equally annoying – sister.
but she has a job and seems to actually like it.
It’s like the Girl but sans bitch.
Just hit her with the ol’ criticism sandwich of compliment, criticism, compliment. Think thats the only useful thing i picked up from my HR class otherwise fuck HR.
“Natalie i’m impressed with the enthusiasm and effort you put into your projects but I am you boss and i’d prefer if you just call me by my first name. Great job on handling (insert task) last week and continue the good work.”
So this is where I fuck up.
The compliment sandwich is not supposed to be low carb
She sounds hot
Call me crazy, but a girl calling me “Daddy” is one of my biggest turnoff.
You’re crazy.
I was really hoping this intern was male. That would have been a yuge power move on his part. A TIPM if you will
Aka sexual harassment
The babe and mama combo is deadly. Now I feel lucky our interns are more on the quiet side.
Said coworker in my comment below calls herself mama and now that she has a boyfriend she calls him poppa. Typing that gave me chills.
Maybe she just really likes Biggie Smalls
RIP
Good grief, I haven’t heard the poppa one before. My condolences.
“Whenever things start to get too chummy around here, I like to call people by the wrong names. That lets them know that I do not care about them.” –Ron Swanson, and, I hope, Emily tomorrow.
My firm’s Managing Partner’s daughter works at the firm as well.
I’m constantly on my toes about only responding to “Daddy” and not “Dad”
Sounds like you’re not trying to bang her, so just lay down the law and tell her to not call you nicknames.
Just enjoy it while it lasts because pretty soon the only time someone is gonna call you anything like that is when they are trying to find out what’s for dinner, when they can get an anniversary blow job, and to let you know who died.
Also, being a lesbian has many benefits and stuff.