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As of this month, and for the first time in my life, I officially have no roommates. And it. Is. Freeing. No one else’s dishes in the sink. No one else to share the TV with. The only person I have to care about in this apartment is myself. For about a month, until my girlfriend moves in, that is. But for now, I can finally see the reasons that so many people like to live alone. Reasons such as:
The place is so much cleaner.
Was my roommate a clean person? Absolutely? Am I a clean person? Also yes. Did our apartment ever stay clean for more than a few days? Not even once. Despite both of us cleaning and doing our chores, two people stacked up in a small apartment just generate dirt. Also, while a shared responsibility towards cleaning can be helpful, it can also be harmful if both people assume what needs to be cleaned is the other person’s responsibility. Now, the liability of keeping the place clean rests solely on my shoulders, and frankly, that’s easier for me. Yes, I spent 12 hours on Wednesday cleaning the apartment from top to bottom, but since then, it’s remained cleaner than it would have a month ago.
I can walk around naked.
This has to be the biggest reason anyone lives alone. In the last week, I’ve been naked about 80% of the time I’m in the apartment. Watching TV? My butt is planted directly on the couch. Cranking out some home pull-ups? I’m letting it hang out. Pan-searing some steak? You know I’m in the nude (and likely going to end up with an extremely painful grease burn). The point is, if you’ve ever sat on any surface in a person who lives alone’s apartment, that surface has also touched their butt. Take that information for better or for worse.
I can finally turn my apartment into the sauna I’ve always wanted.
I like to be warm. I was born in California, briefly lived in Israel, and then moved back to California for the majority of my life. My ideal temperate us in the mid-eighties. Needless to say, the Chicago weather is not ideal for me, but I can handle it because of two things. One, I bitch constantly throughout the fall, winter, and much of spring. Two, I stay warm when I’m at home. And I’m not talking about bundling up in a 68-degree room. I’m talking about keeping the thermostat at a comfortable 74-degrees. My roommate, as a normal person with normal temperature preferences, was not down for that. But now, I’m free to pay a fortune in gas and electricity all winter long.
I can finally watch TV in peace.
With a roommate, watching TV was a social activity. We would discuss each Game Of Thrones episode (he would explain what was going on to me), we would talk football on Sundays (I would explain what was going on to him), and we would share shows and movies with each other. From laughing at a standup comic, to making fun of a bad movie, to sitting three feet apart and not looking at each other when an emotional scene came on, we watched most things together. But now, if I want to watch a movie, I get to really watch it. There’s no one to talk to about what I’m seeing, or, uh, enjoy stuff with. It’s just so nice to watch stuff in complete silence. Just so cool. Love it.
I can drink alone.
Oh, hell yeah. Nothing better than coming home after a long day, cracking a cold one, and, uh, watching TV? Drinking a glass of wine while cooking? Yeah, that sounds like stuff people enjoy, right? And me, of course. I’m one of those people. Looove getting a nice buzz on and then having no one to chill with. Doesn’t feel lonely or boring at all. And, as a bonus, when I want to go out, I get to pregame alone. No one to take shots with me or have a beer on the back porch. Just so much better, guys.
The apartment is finally quiet all the time.
Just so fucking quiet. Almost like it’s empty. Because it is. Just me, and my own apartment. So nice and peaceful. There’s nothing more enjoyable than – oh god I can’t do it anymore. I hate living alone. This month is a nightmare. Austin, come back. I miss you. I miss us. All I do now is go home and be alone with my thoughts. My thoughts. Do you guys know how terrifying that is? Why would anyone choose this life? I can’t wait until my girlfriend moves in. .
Respond
Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
@noampao
noamio
Cherish this while you can, my friend. The (long) list of things I’ve been yelled at for by my “roommate” includes moving a pillow on the couch so I can sit on more than the first three inches of the cushion, closing the blinds the wrong way, and putting MY clothes up in MY closet a “weird” way.
Also, I don’t care where you live, everyone just do the right thing and keep the thermostat on 69…don’t take the freedoms and abilities we have in America for granted
Have either of yall mastered putting the seat down? I have not and I can confirm saying “Well it would be like if I asked you to put it up after every use.” is not not not the move.
We have 1.5 bathrooms. She uses hers 99.9999% of the time and I use mine 100% of the time. But I still need to put the seat down for the 0.0001% of the time she uses mine.
Just say “toilet splashed water when it flushed”
I don’t understand the pillows. We have 12 pillows on our L-shaped couch. Yes I counted them. Why? It is not comfortable to sit on top of a pillow and they inevitably end up getting moved anyway. Why are there so many pillows?
1. It’s as clean or messy as I want it to be
2. My attire consists of boxers and a t shirt/robe/basketball jersey/no shirt roughly 90% of the time
3. Don’t have to worry about anyone stealing my food
4. Girls, parents, and friends alike are impressed that I’m a 25 year old male living by myself like an adult in a clean apartment that is tastefully decorated and stocked with actual food
5. It now feels foreign to close the door when using the bathroom or sleeping
I love shitting with the door open. It’s so liberating.
Shitting with the door open rules. Other perks I forgot about:
6. My lame excuses to bail on going out when I feel like staying in always work because there is no one else around to catch me in a lie
7. Whacking it on MY schedule, without headphones
8. Easier for me to bring my A game to the ladies on the home turf when I don’t have to worry about privacy
this username triggered me
Lived alone in a 1 br apartment for about two years. Was the best.
The thing that I miss the most about living on my own is the sweet sweet feeling that comes from locking the door behind you when you get home from work, secure in the knowledge that you aren’t going to have to speak with another person for the rest of the day.
Follow the 2 minute rule. If the task takes 2 minutes or less, do it immediately. Works wonders.
Eating food on your belly like an otter without judgement AND shame, just shame.
You forgot the best part… having sex wherever you damn well please. Not that I am doing that, but theoretically I feel like it’s a possibility
Have lived alone for 4 years and just bought a house. Dad suggested I could get a room mate to help pay the mortgage. Fuck nah, Dad.
Ideal temperature in the mid 80’s??? Are you fucking Satan? Mines always on 68 and even then I sweat in my sleep.
Truly think everyone should live alone for a little bit if finances allow. Did it for 3 years before moving in with my boyfriend and I think it worked really well for us.