======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
A-list celebrity and one of the bonafide hottest women on the face of the planet, Margot Robbie, got married over the weekend in Australia. She’s off the market, I’m sorry to say, not that any of us had a chance with her. Right? Right? The guy she married? His name is Tom Ackerley, and from everything I’m able to find out about him, he seems like a pretty average dude.
According to his iMDb page (simply having a profile on iMDb means close to nothing, by the way – I think a couple people who sit within 30 feet of my desk actually have one, and they’re not shit), Ackerley is an Assistant Director, and has worked on lesser known movies such as The Brothers Grimsby, Macbeth, MI-5, Pride, Yussef Is Complicated, and Suite Française. Not exactly blockbuster hits. And he worked as an assistant, sometimes even the third assistant.
Let’s do some creeping on our boy Tom. How about his Instagram account? Unverified with a modest 8,600 followers. Important note: When I began writing this, he had about 8,200 followers. Clearly his recent nuptials with Robbie have caused a huge uptick in his following.
Okay, so what does he look like? He has to be a 10, right?
Handsome guy. British. Not exactly a show-stopper, though. Probably has a solid piece on him but there’s no way of knowing. Let’s score him an 8.0.
Margot Robbie, famous A-list actress who is physically a 9.5+ (10?), marries pretty average dude who was lucky enough to meet her on the set of a movie. He wears a man bun, too.
He had his chance to lay down the charm on a seemingly unattainable Margot Robbie, and he went for it. Shooters shoot, and Tom’s a shooter. Nice.
This makes Robbie even more appealing to me, too. I get sick of these celebs who only date other celebs. I get that they have a ton in common and know how to manage the public spotlight and they’re usually really hot and rich and famous and influential and all that, but people like Taylor Swift who trade in one famous musician for the next just get under my skin. Average, broke, lesser attractive assholes just aren’t good enough for her. Whatever.
Margot Robbie is out here looking past all those rare, appealing attributes to give an average Joe like Tom Ackerley the only key to her vagina. That’s a big win for schmucks like you and me. Celebrate this wedding. We basically married her, too.
I estimate that Tom will pass me in Instagram followers (follow me) by 1:00 CDT, but that’s only because he just locked down an A-list celebrity. Before that, he was an average, everyday, semi-handsome loser, and less famous than me. Ha, I can’t even find this dude on Twitter. Get verified for me one time, Tom..
Image via Instagram/ @alpha_meows