======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Hey Dillon,
So there is a guy I met several weeks ago and ever since we’ve been on multiple dates and I thought things were going great. Out of the blue I get a text from him telling me that he doesn’t have time to date because he’s very focused on his career right now. Considering many of our prior conversations I know that it’s crap and he either decided he’s just not into me and/or met someone new, and that’s fine. But suddenly after he straight up rejected me, he has been ALL over my social media. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, all of it. He had previously told me that he doesn’t like social media and doesn’t pay attention to it and now he’s liking all my stuff and watching all my stories? I know it sounds like a trivial thing, but EVERY guy I’ve ever been involved with that has since dumped me on some level has done the same thing. I even have an ex from a year and a half ago that paid little attention to my pages when we’re dating but since the breakup still likes everything I post. It happens like clockwork. Why do guys do this? Are they trying to get my attention? Because it’s working, but not in a good way. If someone doesn’t want me in their life I’m fine with it, I know I can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but I’d like them to leave me alone after they decide that.
Thanks for your time.
If they didn’t pay attention to you on social media during the relationship, but did after it, that’s pretty strange. Especially if they’re the ones who ended it.
Usually the reason for “liking” a post after a relationship has run its course is to get your attention or at least remind you that they still exist out here in the world. But if it’s you who ends it and he pays attention to you afterward, either he’s still into you or enough time has passed that he’s fully moved and you are now simply someone from his past, and there’s no meaning behind it.
Dillon,
Quick question for you. Actually this may be better for Touching Base as I would like to hear Dave and Will’s take on this as well. If you could play a round of golf with anyone excluding professional golfers who would be the three to make up your foursome and why?
For me I believe it would be Brett Farve because I grew up watching him tear it up at Greenbay which got me hooked on (watching) football and he seems like a down to earth guy I would like to pick his brain about some things, George W Bush because well just because, and Jake Owen since he is honestly one of favorite artist also he claims to have a good game so I would like to see if I could keep up.
We had a very similar discussion on Touching Base. Instead of a hypothetical round of golf, it was dinner guests. Our answers may vary some if we’re talking golf instead of dinner, but I recall these names being thrown out: Kid Rock, Larry David, Matthew McConaughey, Dubya, Obama, Kanye, and Norm MacDonald.
For me, I’d go with Larry David, Dubya, and Matthew McConaughey. I don’t know anything about their golf games, but it doesn’t matter to me. W gave us one of my all-time favorite golf course moments with this one:
The follow-through. My God.
P.S. Jake Owen?! You can play golf with anyone on the planet and you pick Jake fucking Owen???
Hi Dillon,
I love Mailbag and I think you give really good advice, so I’m going to hit you with a dating app question. I’m 27, a girl, live in a big city, and have continually struggled with various dating apps for various reasons and am now strictly working with Bumble. My issue is this: I match with dudes, I message dudes, and 9 times out of 10 they don’t respond. I know that’s just kind of how dating apps/online dating works, but I’m wondering if, as a dude, you have any insight into why guys don’t respond? Also, any suggestions when it comes to opening lines? My friend has a standard question she asks everyone (something about what the best 90s movie is) but I feel weird about using the same generic line on everyone and normally try to tailor my opening line to the specific match. Usually I try to mention something about their bio or just a “hey, how are you”, but again, haven’t had great luck with those. Any insight you can offer would be helpful. Thank you!
Yeah I do that. It will take about two seconds to decide if someone is right swipe worthy but that doesn’t mean they are conversation worthy. If the girl initiates conversation, then, as the guy, that’s when it’s time to actually start vetting them — he looks at all of your pics again, what you do for a living, attempts to social media creep, etc.
If he doesn’t respond to your message, it means you made it through to the second round but not the third. He’s not into you. Sorry.
Don’t overthink your opening line. This isn’t the reason he’s not responding. Keep it simple if you’re more comfortable with that.
Hi Dillon,
Can’t wait for the Touching Base trip to Chicago. So, full disclosure, this question I’m asking is preemptive because I haven’t gotten the job offer yet, but here it is. So I graduated May 2015 and moved to Chicago right after that for work. I went to a Big Ten school, so I knew a bunch of people moving out here and have made a lot of good friends out here and generally love the city/my friends/my apartment/everything except my job. It’s gotten to the point where I hate my job and I know it’s not really what I want to be doing. There’s nothing official keeping me in Chicago: single, no kids, no family out here, etc.
I’ve been applying around for new jobs and had an onsite interview for a really cool position in Denver with an awesome company that I think I would like. I know Denver is supposed to be an awesome place, but it’s more the fact that I don’t know a single person out there. So my question is this, if I do get this job, do I pull the trigger and move to Denver and start over where I don’t know anybody? Do I continue to search for jobs in Chicago and try to deal with my current job for the time being? And if I do move to Denver how do people make friends?
Sorry for the long ass question. Plz help.
While reading this I kept asking myself, “Why isn’t she looking for better jobs in Chicago?” Then you threw it in there near the end as an option. It sounds like you have a great thing going already. Few people have all those things checked off in the “pros” column for their city. I’d start looking for a better job there first.
But yes, Denver is a great city. It would be a really solid choice if you were looking to start over somewhere — tons of stuff to do, lively scene, fun vibe, and summers that don’t make you want to off yourself.
I’ve never moved to a city where I didn’t know anyone, nor do I particularly enjoy meeting new people, so I’m not the best one to answer that last question.
Yo, love the poddy.
I moved out west from the east coast last year after working a couple years back home. I ended up hating my job out here and quit to become a ski bum and work on the mountain. Ive been working for the mtn. since January and want to do one more winter out here before really getting my shit together. But I just found what I really think would be my dream job and would love to take it if offered. I’ll be able to afford things now and they offer unlimited vacation which is nice. Should I live my youth and keep on bumming or should I get this gig and negotiate remote work (so I can ski).
Thanks
Half the reason I chose this question is because you use “poddy,” which I am now a huge fan of. Dude loves our poddy.
Well, CAN you negotiate remote work without running the risk of jeopardizing your standing with this company? If you can, that would be a nice setup. If you’re young (22-25ish) this is your time to get the fun out of your system. Stay there if you value the mountain lifestyle over your career in the big city. That’s for you to decide.
I wouldn’t go that route, though. I’d take advantage of an opportunity that you can’t count on always being there. Take the job, take the money, and take advantage of the unlimited vacay. Money allows for extended freedom and more opportunity for fun..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
To the bumble girl according to Aziz Ansari’s novel “modern romance” 90% of decision making is based on pictures, also copying and pasting will be easy on you but is less likely to elicit a response. Anyways the book is a great read if you need help in that department
Paul Rudd, Justin Timberlake, Nick Offerman
Jesus Chris, man. Delete your inbox. It’s giving me panic attacks….and don’t sleep on all those boner pill emails or those Russian girls trolling for a husband either
How did I not think of Nick Offerman??? Excellent choice
Opening line: marry fuck kill game. Works pretty good for me
My go-to Bumble line was always “I usually go for 8’s but I guess today I’ll settle for a 10.” Rarely failed. I just literally hated Bumble so I deleted it. Don’t think I was made for online dating.
For the Denver job offer person I would say it completely depends on what type of person you are. If you’re really outgoing and make friends easily with all sorts of people then that could make taking the job in Denver a lot easier. If you’re not as outgoing then it’s probably best to follow Dill’s quality advice. I’m in the latter group and I remember turning down an offer to work for Amazon in Seattle because I was terrified that the closest person I know was a fringe friend in San Francisco.
I’m the Chicagoan thinking of moving to Denver.. I’ve been applying to tonssss of jobs in Chicago but nothing is going anywhere.. I would much prefer to stay in Chicago, but I really hate my current job
I moved to Denver from Texas about 3.5 years ago after school and knew one person. My advice? One of the easiest ways to meet people is join a recreational kickball/softball/whatever league. You meet people and you usually play flipcup after so a win-win. Depending on the job, you’ll probably also meet people from work that are a similar age group. Hell, they may even already have a kickball team to join (that’s how it went for me). Agree with Dorn on the positives. Housing kinda sucks though. Weather is awesome. And the beer is good.
I recently went through a similar situation in Chicago. Keep applying, be patient (that’s the hardest part) and use your network in Chicago. If you went to a Big10 school, they probably have a solid alum network in the city. I went to a couple of my school’s networking events and it helped a lot!
To the Chicagoan thinking about making the leap to Denver, I say go for it. Sure, it will take a while to make new friends but it will be awesome once you have friends and you’re living in an awesome city with an awesome job. You might as well have the experience before you have obligations that complicate everything.
I’m not the one who submitted the question, but I’m actually in the same exact position right now- considering moving out to Denver from the east coast. Glad to see there’s other people with the same thought. My amateur advice, is to do a lot of things that scare you- like moving to a place where you have to push yourself outside your limits. It teaches you a lot- and if you hate it, you’re young and can always move back.
Unlimited vacation? Is this some sort of joke?
Why would you ask to work remotely if they’re offering unlimited vacation?
To the golf question, I would choose BIll Murray and it’s not even close, dude is a legend in fun and on the course