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I know you’ve covered this topic before but I’m still struggling with when is the right time to have sex with someone. For me, sex is intimate and special and I’ve always waited until at least after the “what are we” talk. I guess I’ve been worried that men will look at me differently if I agreed to it too soon and then it would be wasted. But the men I’ve seen in the past always took it like I was waiting because I didn’t trust them or something.
Well recently I met someone and we hit it off right away… it was one of those times where you know you just met but it feels like you’ve known each other for years. Around the 3rd date, it was feeling like the “right time.” Just as things were getting hot and heavy, if you will, he literally pushed me off of him and gave me this whole long speech about how he won’t take me seriously if I sleep with him right then.
I was super take aback and my feelings were hurt. When I expressed this, he told me I should take it as a compliment (? I still don’t understand that). Anyways, the next morning was awkward and later that day he texted me and told me he wasn’t interested in seeing me anymore. Obviously, I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t like me for me, but it was so embarrassing and I just felt dirty and very rejected. He made me feel like I was throwing myself at him when really, I was just trying to be in the moment. I never want to feel that way again and now I don’t know what to do the next time I’m dating someone. I’d really appreciate your insight on this. Thank you.
Hear me out here. It’s very possible this guy has a legit backbone and he rejected you because sleeping with someone you intend on ending it with the very next day is a scummy thing in that circumstance. Had you two had sex and he hit you that rejection text the next day, I bet you’d be feeling much worse about things than you do now. Decent guys are out there, you know.
You didn’t do anything wrong, so don’t be hard on yourself. You were simply feeling it more than he was, you made your move, and he made the right call of not having the sex. No one likes feeling rejected so it’s normal and okay to feel embarrassed about it, but we all go through it. You’re good. On to the next.
You know how every now and then you enter a time in your life where you’re seemingly irresistible to the opposite sex? Well I’m in the midst of this now, after a long dry spell. Bumble and the apps have been blowing up and I’ve been averaging around 3 dates per week. The guys (about 4 in rotation right now) have been fine, but there hasn’t been one that’s more exceptional than the others. I’m physically attracted to all of them, have fun with them, and have been on some really great dates. I genuinely enjoy getting to know them, but don’t really feel that “spark” or see a future with anyone right now.
Now that third/fourth dates are approaching, I need to know… Am I a terrible person if I sleep with someone I’ve been dating with zero intention of it leading to exclusivity? Should I communicate upfront that I’m not looking for anything serious? Or am I a free agent to just go do it? I haven’t lied to any of them, but I haven’t specifically voiced that I’m seeing others either. (IE: “Can’t do Tuesday, grabbing drinks with a friend.”) This is my first time dating multiple people and I don’t want to fuck it up or collect bad karma. Help!
What a segue. Did I nail that or did I nail that?
Are you a terrible person for sleeping with someone you don’t intend on being exclusive with? No, I don’t think so. Terrible is a strong word. Are there better ways to handle the situation? Certainly. The best course to take is letting that person know you don’t want to be exclusive with them, “but also…sex?” That’s in a perfect world, though. There are other ways to put it, too. As you suggest, “I’m not looking for anything serious” is perfectly acceptable and probably the route you should take.
Also, and maybe this is just me, if I’m dating someone who is dating others at the same time, that’s her right and that’s fine with me, but I believe she should let me know about them IF she is sleeping with someone else while dating me. Am I wrong for this? Maybe I’m a square or old-fashioned but sex is an intimate damn thing and I’d like to not be sharing her sexually with another dude. Am I implying sex = exclusivity? Fuck, maybe.
I actually have two questions,
So I was recently asked by my childhood best friend to be his best man. He is the first of my friends to get married, and in reality I’ve only been to a few weddings before. This being the first wedding that I’m in, I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing or supposed to do as the best man. I know I’m supposed to plan a not shitty bachelor party and all but like besides that, what are the normal duties that I’m supposed to do. Google and Dad are just plain unhelpful, you seem well versed in the wedding world, so hopefully you can shed some light on the issue for people like me.
Second, as the best man I know I have to give a speech at the reception, any advice on how to not give a terrible speech? I’m not looking to give the Gettysburg Address but I’m also not looking to be remembered for how bad it is.
Your duties as best man are as follows:
• plan the bachelor party
• be available to the groom when he needs you
• give a speech at the rehearsal dinner or the wedding reception
While not a requirement, you should also surprise him with a meaningful side gift at some point, like on the wedding day. My best man surprised me with a Westvleteren 12, a beer many believe to be the best in the world. He had traveled to Belgium about a month prior and brought it back for me. I drank it about an hour before the ceremony surrounded by my best friends. An awesome gesture that I’ll never forget.
Keep your speech under five minutes, make some jokes, roast him a little bit (but don’t get too personal), and sign off with something heartfelt. Oh, and don’t get too drunk before delivering it. Just a little drunk, for confidence.
Love the series and all the podcasts. My question is about guys showing interest. I met a guy at work (doesn’t work at my office just in the same building) about a week ago and he immediately texted me that afternoon saying we should hang out sometime. Seemed super into me and really excited to see me again. Then, nothing. I haven’t heard from him since. My question is: why would he even show interest and text me in the first place if it (seems) like he has no intention of following up on a date.
Well, it’s only been a week. It’s very possible the dude is just busy and hasn’t had a free night to hang out yet. Or maybe the conversation simply stalled. Are you a shitty texter? Does he even know you’re interested? Maybe he doesn’t, because maybe you haven’t given him a reason to give you his attention.
It’s also possible he met someone else who is getting his attention now instead of you.
Solution: Throw him a text and find out what’s up.
I’m a Junior finance guy at the esteemed alma mater of PGP’s very own Will DeFries. Started reading TFM back in early 2014 before migrating to PGP last year. Always enjoy the content. Anyway, on to my issue:
Last year, I was a trash human being, no way around it. Broke a girl’s heart early on first semester, and it just got worse from there. Slept around, drank way too much too often, and treated a lot of people pretty badly. I was emotionally unavailable and selfish. This year, I’m proud to say I’ve gotten my act together and mended a lot of the bridges I burned. Trouble is, I don’t know how to actually ask a girl on a date anymore. My game outside of sweet-talking at bars and parties is weak af. Any advice for a guy looking to get serious this time around? Would appreciate the help.
First of all, congrats on overcoming your shitbagness.
Interesting question coming from a college student, I must say. I think the move, aside from jumping on a dating app, would be to try and meet girls outside of parties and bars. Library, class, rec center, etc. Also I know nothing about the college scene anymore so maybe someone else can help you out. Good luck..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to [email protected] and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.