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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Hey Dillon!
I am 22 and will be graduating this spring. After graduation I’m planning to gtfo of the midwest ASAP . Since I currently go to school in a flyover state, starting a relationship wouldn’t make any sense.
Here’s the issue, I’m really not trying to practice celibacy the rest of the school year. Once I sleep with a guy they tend to casually fade out. (This makes it sound like I might just be awful in bed, which I did worry about for awhile, but that’s just not the feedback/ reactions I typically get).
How do I weed out the guys just looking to add girls to their conquest list and find a guy interested in super casual but somewhat dependable sex?
So you want steady sex without the emotional connection. That sounds like something a LOT of guys would be into, actually, especially around your age. The sexual benefits of having a girlfriend without all the other shit that comes with it. Yeah, you shouldn’t have a problem finding this guy but it’s going to take some very upfront verbalization of what it is you’re wanting.
I don’t know if there’s a good way to “weed out the guys” but a little honesty and communication should do the trick. Lay out your terms upon meeting your desired steed, then let him decide if he’s up for it. His response should be very telling.
Hey Dillon,
Love the site and I figured you could help me with the latest dilemma.
I’ve been with this girl for over a year now and no shit, I think she’s the one. The issue? She’s moving to Houston. She got an unbelievable opportunity for her dream job that I could never ask or expect her to turn down. This is shit she has been working towards her entire life and she wants me to come with her.
But fuckkkk….Houston? I hate heat, humidity, and traffic, all of which Houston seems to be the reigning king of. It would also mean uprooting my entire life and moving across the country 19 hours away from friends and family. Last of all, I actually love my job. I don’t know how an idiot like me locked down such a sweet gig, but I have an awesome boss, I’m making about 20 grand more than the average for this position, I have more PTO than I can burn, and the company will cover 100% of the cost if I decide I want to get my masters. I can find another job, but I would be giving up an absolutely amazing one. I doubt I would find another like it.
I’m clueless about what to do. I love this girl, but we’ve only been together a year, this is my first serious relationship, and I’m 24. In other words, what the fuck do I know? The few friends I’ve asked seem to think that if I really thought she was the one then I wouldn’t even hesitate, but that just seems stupid. It’s going to change my entire life, of course I’m hesitant and thinking it over.
So, Dill, should I stay or should I go?
Let me be real with you about my feelings toward Houston: I do not like anything about it. It’s hot, it’s huge, the traffic is terrible, the zoning is a nightmare, it’s aesthetically unpleasing, and it is very literally the most humid place on the face of planet Earth. I legitimately can’t comprehend how people live in that environment, but so many do, and they’re all sweaty. It’s pure misery.
However, Houston is constantly being rated as one of the best U.S. cities in which to live for young professionals. It has an abundance of available jobs, the cost of living is reasonable, and it has a young professionals vibe because of it. I’d live in Syria before Houston, but many people do actually enjoy it.
Having said all that, you should NOT follow a girl to any city after just one year in the relationship as a TWENTY-FOUR-YEAR-OLD. And it’s your first relationship? Mannnnnnn, you have so much to do before settling down with a girl, so much living to do, no matter how great she is. What if the relationship goes south six months after moving there? You think about that shit yet? You’ll be pissed off and depressed and looking for your next opportunity to break your lease and move back.
“The few friends I’ve asked seem to think that if I really thought she was the one then I wouldn’t even hesitate…”
Hey man, ^this shit is very telling. The people who know you best think maybe it’s not meant to be. Think about that.
If you want to be sure, I say you let her move to Houston alone. Try the long distance thing for a few months and see how the distance makes you feel about her. It will tell you that you either made a mistake or the right call. But live, damn it. LIVE.
Hi Dillon,
What are your thoughts on a girl asking a guy out who she knows is seeing someone but not actually in a relationship with someone? Is he fair game or should she just wait and see if things end between him and the other person before making a move?
I think it’s absolutely fair game. Not being exclusive with someone means exactly that. The dilemma isn’t yours; it’s his. So put it on him. Shoot your shot and see how into this girl he really is, or how into you he might be.
P.S. It’s great to live in an era when girls are out here asking guys out. What a time.
Hey Dillon,
At what point in a relationship would you say is reasonable for a couple to move in together?
I’ve been with my girlfriend for about half a year and I’m starting to get the feeling like she wants to move in. She hasn’t approached the subject with me, but she’s slowly keeping more and more things at my house. I’m in my mid to late 20’s, depending on how you define late 20’s, (fuck you Nick Arcadia for ruining my Wednesday) and own my own house. She’s in her mid 20’s and unhappily lives with her parents, which she’s brought up a few times (I think she was expecting me to offer up my house as a new place of residence for her).
I really like what we’ve got going and like the direction it’s heading, but think it’s early to be cohabiting my house. Am I wrong in thinking it’s too early to move in? Should I preemptively strike up the conversation on my terms before she asks? If she does move in, should I charge her rent / ask to help with the bills even though I can afford them on my own?
She’s ready to move in yesterday. Mentally, her car is already packed to the gills with all her shit and she’s simply waiting for the invitation.
I think the time to move in with a significant other is when you know for sure you’re going to be with that person for a very, very long time. I’m talking marriage type shit. It’s that level of commitment. If you think it’s too early, then it’s too early. Bottom line. It could be two months or seven years. Doesn’t matter. If you’re not feeling it, then it’s too early. I’m saying it should be a no-brainer.
You probably should bring it up, yeah. Get out in front of this thing and gain control of the storyline. Lastly, yes, asking her to cover bills is more than fair. This ain’t no free ride. But even more than that, having her pitch in makes this more transaction-esque, which could be helpful. It gives you a little bit of a foundation to stand on if shit starts to go south.
Sup D?
So me and my ex of about 2 yrs broke up 7 months ago with minimal talking during that time. She recently started contacting me & really wants to try things again. She’ll be graduating in May and moving to a TBD city. Here’s the kicker – our break-up was very ugly and in the time we were apart, she hooked up with 2 professional football players on the team in the city in which I currently reside, plus another college one.
I know, it sounds no bueno but her defense is that she was single, owed nobody anything, blah blah blah. So what sucks is that my friends know what she did, as well as my whole immediate fam… and they certainly would not be fans of us rekindling our relationship. I love this girl though and us talking recently has shown that the connection is still there.. but her actions while we were apart are kind of World War II type red flags. On the flip side, I wasn’t exactly faithful during our relationship and she was a saint. So, this situation is tricky. Is this something I should look past?
Please advise your boy.
You can call them red flags all you want, and I’m not saying they’re not, but if she did all this after ending it with you, well, she’s right. She was single, thus free to sleep with the entire NFL if she wanted to. Some girls just love the athlete type (trust me – I know). Was there more to it than that? You leaving anything out? Was it less than 24 hours after the breakup that she was in another guy’s bed? Give me more because right now I can’t side with you yet, especially on account of you being the cheater of the two.
It’s possible you felt burned after getting dumped and spread some bended truth in order to look like the victim. Then again, she could be a terrible person and your friends and family are rightfully concerned about her sneaking back into your life. If you do let her back in, you have some explaining to do so get your shit in line. Just make sure the juice is worth the squeeze before you go on this journey.
Short question.
Getting back in the game post relationship and realizing my game is trash. Key points to focus on while sweet talking the ladies in social as well as private settings?
No fucking clue, man. I don’t think I’m any good at this stuff, actually. Maybe just start with a few drinks and some get-to-know-you type questions and let the conversation evolve from there. I mainly threw this one in so other people could chime in.
Good luck out there..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
Where were all these girls looking for “regular sex with no relationship” back when I was in college?
Oh, we were there… It felt like every dude I tried to just be casual with actually wanted a relationship while in college
Those are called idiots
We were definitely there. I had a steady FWB throughout college, it was fabulous. No feelings, no commitments, regular sex, plus he was a smart, funny dude and the pillow talk was solid. Per our agreement, if one of us met someone, it was off, but whenever we were both single, it was on.
If a girl is remarkably attractive, a guy is typically going to want to lock her down. Guys usually FWB girls who are below or at their perceived “level”. This is especially true in college. If you think you hit the jackpot, then you don’t want to share your winnings…..
To the second to last dude, don’t get back with your ex. Regardless of who she slept with after the relationship, you cheated on her and broke up, just let it go. Nothing good will come of that
Plus I bet all the people who know who she slept with post breakup don’t know the guy was the cheater. He hurt her, she got hers while single, and people will be judging her? Hell nah
I’ve always been told – if someone broke up with you, it’s because they think they can do better. And if they try to get back with you, it’s because they are settling. Doesn’t matter how you treated her during the relationship, she’s probably just hitting that point a couple months after the relationship where you get the feels and miss having someone you can rely on. Either way, probably don’t do it, man.
How did his family find out who she was sleeping with?
Lmfao yeah that’s what I’m saying, do you tell your parents your ex is getting filled by NFL players because I sure don’t
“Make sure the juice is worth the squeeze”
You’re a fucking poet, Ca$h Money Dillionaire
Is that from Girl Next Door?
To the first girl, go for a guy who’s a legitimate friend, not your best friend, but someone who respects you but you also have sexual tension with. We all have them. Back in college I hooked up with a guy for 2 years strictly for sex. We never went out on dates (wasn’t part of the agreement) but he always invited my friends and I out to parties, he never said a bad word about me, and we were both generous in bed. It made for a great experience. We only stopped because he graduated and I️ transferred schools the same spring. But I’ve also hooked up with guys who are trash so I think the friend thing is key. Just bring it up “jokingly” when you’re both drunk. I doubt any guy would turn you down, honestly. And even if he did, he’d be flattered as hell. Congrats on the future sex!
Agreed on finding a friend and someone respectful. I ended things with a guy after a few dates via text then he asked if we could do a FWB deal and then just communicate if we start seeing anyone. It’s worked out well
This is gold
Houston hates you too, Dilly
Aside from the Houston Hatred, Dilly is right. Dude should absolutely not follow that chick here. All the red flags went up about their relationship. Your friends are right man listen to them.
Also, because I’m bored and about to go home… here’s some statistics on Houston vs your precious little Austin.
Average humidity in Houston 75%, Austin 67%.
Average temp in Houston 81, Austin 79
Average hours per year spent in traffic in Houston 42, Austin 47.
To add to the narrow margins of weather, the facts that Houston has less hippies, better TexMex, and a World Series trophy makes it the superior city
El oh el
That reminds me, we have El Tiempo and y’all don’t. Add it to the list.
Also of note: I hate the Austin climate, too. But Houston…
Think he just needs to be stuck here. I hated Houston at the start when i moved here a few years ago but now its not bad and has grown on me. Austin traffic is garbage and at least Houston traffic is garbage cause the metro area has 6 million people.
Houston Guy – I had a very similar situation after college. Let her move here, tell her you need time to look for a job (which you do) and see how the long distance thing works. I did it for a year before moving here and it’s not that bad. We saw each other every month or so (we were both poor as shit at the time) and it wasn’t terrible. This was also before skype, so you have that going for you. Giving long distance a try for a few months also allows you to come visit and get a better feel for the city. Despite the heat, humidity, traffic, and my living within walking distance of relatively expensive houses, rub and tug joints, fast food restaurants, countless strip malls, and high rise office buildings, it’s a great city with a lot to offer. That being said, where your gf will live and work makes a huge difference on how much you’ll get to know the city, and will be a determining factor on how much you enjoy visiting and maybe ultimately moving here.
TL;DR Dillon is right.
I enjoy these columns but we need some more questions that aren’t the peak of anxiety or potentially life-altering. I’m already stressed enough without being worried about the PGP community.
Houston guy – are you living with your girlfriend? If not, don’t follow her and have an amicable break-up. You’ve been with her for a year and it’s your first ever relationship: of course you think she’s the one. But she probably isn’t. You’re only 24. Stick with your currently awesome job and try long distance. If it works, great. If not, you know the familiar saying about a sea and fish.
Also, with all that PTO and extra cash, he should be able to go visit plenty if he wants to.
“Some girls just love the athlete type (trust me – I know).” – cc @notthefakemiakhalifa conspiracy Tuesday??
Nipping this in the bud now: No.
Well noted Mr. Cheverere.
Houston got hella good food tho and no damn snow…but we do flood like every goddamn year now.
quality content, dad