======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Love it or hate it, the most polarizing figure in mailbag history is stepping in for Dillon this week. That’s right, it’s that boy Dave. I’ve been been shooting cold brew and chasing with MCT oil all morning long to get my mind right for this. Let’s change some lives today.
I have my brother’s wedding coming up in about 6 months. My dilemma is whether or not I should worry about trying to find a date to bring.
Some background: at the time they got engaged, I was in a pretty serious relationship, so it was just assumed I would be bringing him. We have since broken up, but my future sister-in-law is still giving me a plus one. As the responsible little sister that I am, I’ve already booked an Airbnb for myself and the groomsmen. The wedding is out of state, so the plan is to fly out for it.
I am hoping to actually look like an attractive human that day (a rare occurrence for me), so I would like to get some action. I know my options for single men is going to be very limited, as in I’ve grown up with all of them, thus I view them as basically brothers and they view me as one of the guys.
What would you say is the move here?
Huh. A dating question right off the bat. As a 33-year-old married guy, I’m definitely the right person for this one.
First of all, you have a ton of time to see if something materializes organically. You’ve already secured the plus 1, so the pressure’s off. Since you’ll be surrounded by family at this thing, you’re going to be inclined to force something. That’s very risky. This is your brother’s wedding, not Ashley from Junior League. Your family will be talking about this for years, and if you bring some dude you met on Bumble Bizz a month before you’ll probably constantly be reminded of it. Don’t force it. Again, you have 6 months to work your network and stumble upon an upstanding individual who may end up being a worthy candidate.
Should you end up going solo, own it. Look good, work that ass, and be the gal all the dudes are talking about. But by no means should you hook up with one of your brother’s friends. He’ll find out and the biggest day of his life will be tainted by his sweet sis hooking up with Hunter in a Holiday Inn Express. DID IT HAVE TO BE HUNTER? ANYBODY BUT HUNTER!
So here’s the deal- the boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half now. I’m honestly in love with the guy but have become increasingly frustrated with how immature this (29 year old) dude is. He’s always making jokes and ripping on me and I don’t feel like I can have a single, serious conversation with him. Listen, I’m not a romantic person at all and I enjoy a good roast as much as the next person. I would probably vomit if he tried to read me poetry, but at the same time, I’m really tired of him treating me like a frat bro instead of a girlfriend. And any time I try to have a remotely deep talk with him, it gets shut down with a stupid joke on his part.
Also, he would be perfectly content spending the rest of his life smoking weed and watching TV. That’s a great way to unwind on a Monday night, but come Friday or Saturday I actually want to leave my apartment and do something.
Like I said, I love the dude and I know he loves me too. We used to live over two hours apart and he would drive to visit me almost every single weekend (he moved to about 30 mins away now, but for his job). However, this relationship just feels so shallow and I don’t feel like we can ever talk about anything real because he can’t take anything seriously. Is there anyway to salvage this and make him grow up just a little?
Wow. It’s like she knew the guy who’s been out of the dating game for 8 years would be answering her question. It’s fate, baby!
So this guy’s going full Greg Giraldo on your ass every weekend? Come on, guy. There’s a time and place for testing your roast material out, and that’s not it. Honestly, he’s probably a bit insecure about hitting 30 and not knowing what he wants to do. As someone who also uses humor to avoid serious discussion at times, I have an idea about where he’s coming from. He knows he’s getting to the part of his life where he’s going to need to make a major decision about the relationship, but he’s scared to face it. That’s where you come in. Force the issue, and let him know you’re serious. If he brushes you off with a joke again, threaten to leave him. Cry. Walk out. If he’s worth a damn, he’ll realize the gravity of the situation and will change his behavior.
Big fan of you, the site, and this column.
So I’m living in my first apartment outside of college with another girl I’ve known since freshmen year & we pledged together. Love her to death. Living together has been pretty chill so far but she just brought up the idea that her boyfriend wants to move in when his lease is up in a few weeks.
He’s here every day it seems already, and don’t get me wrong, if I had a boyfriend I’d spend a lot of time with him too, but I do NOT want this guy to move in. I have my list of reasons why (no more privacy, one more person in this tiny ass place, he doesn’t want to pay us more than $200 to live here, and I already don’t get to watch tv alone on the couch, etc).
I know you’re going to tell me communication is key here to tell them I don’t want this, but I’m terrible at confrontation. How do I bring it up? If she takes it the wrong way it could cause a riff in our friendship and I don’t want that. And if she uses the argument that he’s already here all the time anyway, how do I rebuttal?
I’d love to move out on my own but I don’t think I can afford to at this point in time. Also can’t move back home because I’m far away and have no other friends who are currently looking for places to live.
Any advice here is greatly appreciated!
I once lived with a dude who was so lazy he didn’t even cook his ramen noodles, he just sprinkled the seasoning on the flash fried noodles and ate it like a sandwich. I think I can help you out here.
First, find out if having another tenant is even compatible with your lease. That could end it right there. We need to know this: When she brought it up, did she ask you or tell you? Or was she just floating the idea to see how you’d react? Assuming it’s the latter, she at least has some idea that this could be an inconvenience for you. Rightfully so. Guys are dirty. Even the cleanest dude still cuts room clearing farts on Sunday while stuffing his stupid face with the Caniac he had delivered. You didn’t sign up for this. Bring it up over a drinks, but do it immediately. Maybe make something up about your parents being weird about you living with a guy. That’s foolproof.
Big fan of the series! I’m just starting my freshman year at a big PAC-12 school with active greek life and I knew since high school that fraternity life was for me. I got a bid from a good house but ended up dropping my pledgeship a week in for multiple reasons, the two primary being that I was injured in a hazing accident pretty seriously and I felt as if I never really connected or fit in with the PC. When I told this to a buddy of mine in a different fraternity, he invited me to check out his house, and while I really liked it, I got that sense of disconnect his PC as well. This new fraternity offered me a bid recently and I’m on the fence. My question is, if I join my buddy’s fraternity and end up dropping my pledge ship again, will I have any chance of getting a bid to a decent house as a sophomore or is two dropped houses freshman year too big of a red flag?
Thanks a lot for any advice!
Guess what, player? I was in a frat. I got this.
You’re talking to a former rush chair, my man, and the answer is yes. That is a major red flag. Whether it’s fair or not, there will be a stigma that you couldn’t handle pledgeship which will end up getting you blacklisted from most places. You should give these guys another shot. There’s probably a disconnect because you’re an outsider. If these guys just got initiated, they’re probably still very close and do everything together, so don’t take it personally if they aren’t palling around with you after one meeting.
Hey Dillon –
I’d never thought I would actually submit a question but yet here I am. Let me give you a little back story. I started dating this guy in March, it was pretty casual, we never DTR’d but we knew we were only dating each other. Anyways I was a bit hesitant at first (my best friend set us up – she was also dating his best friend) but I thought what the hell might as well give this guy a shot.
Fast forward to Memorial Day Weekend and he ends up coming down to the beach for a night. I thought great opportunity to see how he gets along with my friends. I was completely wrong. First of all he gets there and wants us to take a nap (the weather was pretty shitty but still I didn’t go to the beach to nap). When we went out that night my friends and I downed some tequila shots. As the shots went down my one friend had the face you make right before you throw up all over the bar floor. Instinctively she reaches for the closest non-tequila beverage around her which is my beer and as she brings it up to her mouth this guy snatches it away and puts it back in my hand. We all thought it was super weird but we proceeded to get as drunk as humanly possible. He also got super jealous of every guy I talked to at the bar – side note Dewey Beach is a super small beach town so everyone knows everyone. At this point I was completely done with this relationship. I assumed he got the point because when we woke up Sunday morning he decided to drive home when he was supposed to stay another night.
He then texts me in the upcoming weeks asking to hang out so I decided to be blunt and tell him I just wasn’t feeling it anymore and that I just liked him as a friend. All was well with just a few drunk texts from him here and there throughout the summer. He then asked me in the beginning of September if I would consider giving him another chance. Again I said no. No more texts came for a few weeks and then I moved to Philly (he lives in Philly as well). I went on a date with another guy this past Wednesday and what do you know he texts me in the middle of it. I was seriously worried I was going to look over my shoulder and see his face. Thank god that didn’t happen. He then texts me again professing his love for me and basically putting me down because I didn’t give him a chance. I don’t know how to make him understand that there is not a chance in hell I will ever be with him. Also a bit scared he’ll somehow find out where I live and I’ll wake up one night to him staring at me. HELP!
Fun fact: just had to ask Veronica and Dan what DTR meant. Let’s do this.
Good on you for ending things. This young man has some deeply rooted issues to sort out with himself. Be more blunt, but don’t lecture him. Tell him you moved on because of his behavior and be done with it. If he persists, just stop responding. If he threatens you, call the police. Jealousy can be a scary thing.
I’m sitting in a meeting pretending to take notes, but really am writing this email. I just caught a glimpse of myself in the video conference and did not like the way I looked, thus prompting my email. It underscores a change in my appearance that’s been 2-3 years in the making. Since I graduated college, I’ve fallen off of the fitness routine that helped me lose ~60 pounds after high school. The reverse freshman fifteen was something I was super proud of because I accomplished it while maintaining a normal social life and really enjoying my college years.
Work, being bummed about breakups, and maybe a mild beer/alcohol problem, have gotten in my way. I don’t know if you have any personal experience with big weight loss or any friends who do, but I guess I’m just looking for words of encouragement to get back on track. Still talking to girls and dating, but definitely not feeling my best. 6’0, 235 doesn’t look good unless you’re a running back with a 4.35 40 time.
Congrats on reaching the turning point. You’ve acknowledged the problem(s). Now it’s time to devise a plan and execute. I’ve never had to lose a bunch of weight (classic hard-gainer), but I’ve found myself in funks on plenty of occasions. When I need to get back into it, I look for motivation by reading up on new fitness trends or workouts (peep Onnit), or as you might have guessed, I listen to podcasts. Jocko Willink is a good place to start. He just guest hosted Tim Ferris’s podcast and gave a great overview of his workouts. Must listen, IMO.
Try this out: stay in one Friday or Saturday and get up early to hit the gym. The fact that you’re 1) not hungover, and 2) doing something positive while most of your friends are still legally intoxicated will make you feel alive again. You’ll love it. Once you knock out the first couple workouts, you’ll be chomping at the bit to get back in the gym.
I mean, dude, you’re already 6 feet tall. Congrats on the height. Cut down the number of nights you party, cut down on the sugar and fried foods in your diet, and lift weights. You don’t need to get wild and join a Crossfit gym or anything, just start out with the basics (Squat, sprint, pushups, pull-ups). If you want to try something new for the diet, look into trying whole 30 or get real fucking loco and try a keto diet. I can’t speak to Whole 30, but I did the keto thing for a couple months and felt great. There are a ton of keto resources out there, but I recommend this Joe Rogan podcast if you really want heavy knowledge. Ring the bell, Micah..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to [email protected] and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.