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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Dillon,
In a little over two weeks my best friend is getting married and I’m pretty shamelessly in love with him. Now, if we backtrack then you’d know that I’ve only ever known him with the future Mrs. but I didn’t say anything while she was his girlfriend and they’ve only been engaged for a mere 4 months.
So, if you met us in real life- at a brewery or some other millennial activity- you, like most other people, might assume that I’m the fiancé. “Woah, you and ____ are the best couple!”
And if we’re being totally transparent here because what else do you do with someone who gives internet advice, you’d know that as of the past 2 months our snapchats have been getting less friendly and more ~friendly~ and goddamnit I am morally conflicted.
Now I’ve decided to move cities when the marriage goes through because I’m running away from this problem and I can’t continue this when he has a wife.
Do I tell him or do I wait two years until they inevitably get divorced and then make my move?
I know you’re missing a lot of detail here and it’s probably because I’m super ashamed I’m even considering doing any of this.
Sincerely,
Runaway Mistress
There’s a movie about this. In My Best Friend’s Wedding, Julia Roberts’ character tries to break up her best friend’s wedding because she realized she was in love with him. It didn’t work out so well for her, but, in true Hollywood ending fashion, they maintained a friendship at the story’s conclusion.
That’s not real life. If you emptied the clip and it went south for you, I’m not sure that’s a situation your friendship with him can recover from. Actually, it’s not. I’m not saying it’s not worth the risk, but you should know what it is you’re risking before you go for it. You are absolutely allowed to be selfish when it comes to your own happiness. I’m an endorser of that, within reason. And as long as you can do it without destroying others.
So I’m a little torn here. As someone who doesn’t know you or the other people involved, I lean toward telling you to go for it. If I was close to the situation, however, maybe I’d think differently. Maybe limp in. A possible approach would be to ask him if he’s sure he wants to go through with this. “Are there any reasons you’re possibly rethinking this?” His answer to that question would determine your next move.
This is really hard to answer.
Hey Dillon,
First I’m a big fan of what yall do at grandex (I’m a long time listener of OCC).
Second I wanted a male opinion on girls with short hair (really short hair). As a female born in the 90s that grew up in the 2000s, long hair don’t care has been our mantra since we all got a hold of straighteners in middle school and wanted to look like a Disney princess. That being said, about 2 years ago I finally took the plunge and got a bob.
I had always wanted to cut my hair short but always had the reservation that guys wouldn’t be into that. Not saying I do everything to get a guys attention, but I didn’t want to look dyke-y. When I finally did get the bob I actually ended up getting more compliments from guys on the cut than any other haircut I’ve ever gotten. I’ve kept the bob since then, but have now gotten it in my head I need to go shorter, and by that I mean the chop of all chops, the pixie.
If you’re not familiar with the pixie, I have added pictures. How do guys feel about that? I know yall all love Emma Watson and she did it but she’s also everyones fantasy manic pixie dream girl when she isn’t opening her mouth spewing feminist babble. Does it just depend on the girl that does it? Does it worry you that if you’re doing it from behind she might look like a dude? These are the questions that keep me up at night. I would love an unfiltered male opinion on this.
Thanks!
I’m glad you asked me this because I have a take about the pixie cut. By the way, I didn’t know what those hairstyles were called until now. Bekah on The Bachelor has this haircut, right?
A pixie can look awesome on a girl, but only if she has a very specific body and face type. That sounds judgey and I’m okay with that. First of all, short hair makes people look heavier. Thiccer. So for those on the thicc side, it’s probably not for you.
To pull off a pixie and look like a sexpot doing it, you have to be thin, appear to spend time in the gym, and have angular facial and neck lines. You should probably be on the shorter side, too. Bekah is actually a great example of this. I’m not saying she’s a sexpot herself, but she has the body and face to pull off this haircut.
Hey Dillon,
I’m not loving my job and am planning to quit soon after a bonus is paid out. My lease is up in the summer and my plan travel some and relax between quitting and my lease being up. Then I’m going pick a new city and move there. My question to you, any suggestions on a city?
Some details… all of my stuff can pretty much fit in Uhaul trailer so no issues there. My field of work is pretty universal and I should be able to find work quickly in a new city. I’m not running from anything just never done anything like this before and am looking for a new experience.
Any insight is helpful.
Well, you gave me nothing to work with here. I don’t know how old you are, what you’re looking for in a city, where you currently live, what you like to do for fun, preferred climate, etc. I’m going in totally blind here. In no particular order, the following are my recommended cities in the U.S. in which to reside based on zero qualifications, characteristics, or useful information of any kind:
• Denver
• Houston
• Charleston
• Chicago
• Austin
• Washington, DC
Dilly Dill,
Long time, first time, yada ya.
So, straight to the chase. Six or so years ago I was seeing this woman, I say seeing because it was between a relationship and casual hook-up, me being freshly graduated from high school and her soon to graduate college (freshie pulling a senior, power move if I must say so myself… I digress) Back at it. To fill you in on all the deets, we split up because I left her to chase after, what I thought was, my high school sweetheart which turned out to be a bust and when I came running back, she had linked back up with her HS sweetheart and soon enough they were married.
Well, over the course of the last handful of years we managed to keep in contact, simply checking up on each other. Now she has a kid with this guy. But… BUT!!! Recently she found out that he had been cheating on her with one of her friends, won’t bore you with the details, but she came to me in those trying moments. We sexted, etc., all the things you do. Well we’ve done that on and off for probably 6 months now. They decided they were going to work things out for the kid’s sake, but I’m still stuck here. He travels for work and when he’s gone she hits me up and we chat, sometimes leading to pictures and explicit conversation.
Question: Am I wrong or in the wrong for pursuing this? It’s strictly physical (we’ve both come to terms with and admitted it was the best sex of our lives, not the point.) But should I feel bad from a moral standpoint in chasing this endeavor? My platform is this.. he cheated and they decided to make things work. Is that my problem and should I back off because of it or does she get an unwritten hall pass? I’m trying to tightrope the blurry line here.
Yes, you’re in the wrong. She’s married. It doesn’t matter how shitty the marriage is or what kind of infidelity the guy is up to. You just don’t do all that shit you’re doing with her until she has ended things.
Hi Dillon!
I’m from the great state of Ohio and will be visiting my best friend in Houston next week–instead of the same old that we always do, we’re planning to spend a few days in Austin. Looking for suggestions on “must do’s” while we are there. Hiking? Brunch spot? Night life? Dinner at Matt’s is already on the list, because sizzle. And Mexican Martinis, which I discovered this morning listening to RBP 11. We’re staying just a block away from Sixth Street.
Give us your Top 10.
Love the Mailbag, can’t wait to hear your thoughts. Thanks!
I’m going to use this question to, again, promote the “things to do on an Austin bachelor party” episode of Touching Base. I realize you’re not going with a big group, and it’s not a bachelor party, but these are pretty general Austin to-dos.
Other things to keep in mind:
• Don’t go hiking.
• Stay away from Dirty 6th.
• Rainey Street for day-drinking.
• Franklin’s BBQ, while the best in the world, is not worth the four-hour wait considering you won’t be here for very long..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
I don’t know how long the first girl has known him, though I assume it has been quite a while if he’s made it to best-friend status. There’s no way you wouldn’t have seen this engagement coming if he is your best friend, and that should have been your call-to-action. Piss or get off the pot, basically. And honestly, if he’s already acting borderline during his engagement, why would you want the potential for that if he winds up with you? None of this ends well, for anyone involved.
I say this as a girl who’s been the “best friend” to many of non-single boys. She’s not the best friend. She’s an ego booster. And he enjoys the attention and probably does care a good deal for her but she is not his best friend and she’s definitely not the love of his life and if he does break things off with the fiancée he definitely won’t stay faithful to her. It sucks and it hurts but she’s gotta peace the fuck outta there. She can do better. And maybe when they one day divorce and maaaaybe he’s changed and grown there’s a chance but that only happens if she walks away. I can see how someone is maybe getting married for the wrong reasons but if you meet someone who makes you feel differently you man the fuck up and be with them, you don’t sneak around.
Both of you are completely right. This will not end well for her if she decides to act upon it. She needs to also realize there are literally thousands of other men that would like to meet her and that are just as amazing- don’t get hung up on this one dude, there’s a new bus every 15 minutes.
I haven’t been single in several years but judging from my nights out and my friends’ dating experiences I’d say viable options are prettyyyy limited these days if you’re 25 or older.
They’re really not… there are tons of quality men and women out there even past 25 all around everyday. People just have to strike up a conversation and let it happen naturally.
Yeah girl gtfo out of there. If he wanted to marry you he would’ve done it in the first place. Not to mention I cannot imagine a world where breaking up a marriage can lead to a supportive, healthy, sustainable relationship. I really can’t tell if you’re delusional or ridiculously selfish but you need to pack up your things and move as far away from this guy as possible.
Pixie cut is high risk, low reward. It won’t make an already very attractive person more attractive, but it will make a hard 7/8 into a 6 if it doesn’t fit your face.
No Earthly idea how to handle that.
If the bob works the bob works, if it aint broke don’t fix it.
Stop sexting a married woman with a kid.
Enjoy Austin!
Dear vague transient,
Please don’t move to Charleston.
Cheers,
Somebody who has to deal with all the folks moving to Charleston
Yeah, just don’t come anywhere. There’s too many people everywhere. Just curl up in the fetal position in some hole in the ground and hope to God that the story depicted in Denver Airport Murals doesn’t come true. Also, don’t reproduce. We don’t need people anymore. We’re all just expendable temporary workers ;(
It’s like the voice in my head grew hands and somehow found its way to the internet.
Come to Birmingham, AL. We take all kinds in the dirty dirty.
Please also stay away from DC/Northern VA. The metro can’t handle more people. We’re suffering, here.
Don’t come to Houston, the traffic is bad enough as it is
Does your reference to NOVA mean you commute into DC from there? I always sort of imagined that as being pretty brutal.
Come to Chicago but live off the brown line. We anint got no more room on the red. Lo siento.
It blows my mind that some people are actually dumb enough that they have to ask these questions.
First mailbager/mistress lady: you’re facing a life-altering decision so I say listen to the random internet commentators and go for it. SEND IT.
To the guy with the married woman with a kid – not to be harsh, but just because her husband is being a dirt bag doesn’t make it right for you to be one too. This is just an all around bad situation.
He is allowing himself to be used by her… That’s what is happening and he’s fooling himself if he thinks anything positive, or that this woman wants to be with him, will happen.
He needs to back off completely. If she truly wants him, she’ll leave her husband and come looking for him. But even then I’d still say proceed with extreme caution.
To the astonishingly vague transient: I just witnessed the SpaceX Falcon Heavy launch as 3 boosters took a craft to orbit and fell back to earth and landed in perfect harmony. Basically, just collect that bonus and buy some LSD, lots of it and then go have fun for eternity because nothing you will accomplish in life will matter as much as that launch and that’s okay. It puts things into perspective. Also, move to a country that offers good health insurance because after all that LSD, you’re probably gonna be fucked up and we all know how they value mental health here in this country. Trust me lol
Yeah, don’t do that…
Yeah, Jim is probably right on this one
Wow, look at buzz killington over here…
Pixie cuts require feminine features (pretty much what Dillon said). They look awesome if you can pull them off and IMO give off a fun, carefree aura. Anyone willing to chop off her hair is probably a lot of fun.
Phoenix is dope and cost of living pales in comparison to Denver, Austin, DC, Chicago
How do mammals manage not to shrivel up and die during summers here?