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One of my bigger pet peeves is when I’m texting with someone and instead of bothering to just use punctuation, they hit “send” after every sentence, so I get a handful of texts bingo-bango-bongo one right after the other. The phone even puts in a period for you if you double tap the space bar, how fucking hard is it to give me one message with multiple sentences?
Anyway, some looney tune ex-boyfriend sent 144 straight disparaging texts to his ex-girlfriend, which, if we think about it, is crazy. Who does this dude think he is, Shakespeare? 144 mean texts? I can’t imagine saying variations of “You have a shitty attitude” and “I never loved you like I loved my ex” and “Your hair sucks.” I’m running out of things to say, but this James Joyce motherfucker rattled off 141 more mean texts. Wild. And then because of this, some Kangaroo Court judge hit him with the worst punishment I’ve ever heard of.
Per The New York Post:
A judge on the Hawaiian island of Maui has handed down an unorthodox sentence to a man who pleaded no contest to violating a protection order preventing him from contacting his ex-girlfriend.
Judge Rhonda Loo ordered Daren Young on Friday to write 144 compliments about his ex-girlfriend, in response to the 144 “nasty” text messages and calls that he is accused of sending her.
“For every nasty thing you said about her, you’re going to say a nice thing,” Loo told Young. “No repeating words.”
Young, 30, received time served for spending 157 days in jail before being sentenced, the Maui News reported. Besides being told to pay the compliments, he received two years of probation, $2,400 in fines and 200 hours of community service.
See, if this guy had just written it all in one big text message, he’d only have to pay her one big compliment. But he failed to use proper punctuation and just hit the send button after each mean thing he said. And for that, this judge has him paying the iron price.
I’m just going to say what I know you’re all thinking. Yes, I’d rather be sentenced to serious jail time than have to do what this guy did. 144 compliments? Without repeating words? Are you high?! I like to fancy myself a bit of a wordsmith, someone who can get a little creative with the English language. And yet I think I’d rather be sent to Riker’s Island than have to come up with 144 unique compliments without repeating words. It’s literally not possible.
At some point, you’ll just start rattling off a body part and an emoji: “left arm” + *fire emoji*…..”right nipple” + *raise the roof emoji*. If you threw me in the clink and said I couldn’t come out until I’d written 144 unique compliments sans repeating words, I’d say I’d be in there like ten, maybe twelve years.
And how about this judge thinking this is a reasonable thing for this guy to be able to do about his ex. That’s B-A-N-A-N-A-S in pajamas. There’s not a doubt in my mind that this judge believes in cruel and unusual punishment. I couldn’t do this about my mom. I couldn’t do this about any girl I’ve loved unconditionally. I couldn’t even give myself 144 unique compliments.
Lovers scorned beware: next time you start throwing digital haymakers, stop and just do it in one text and not 144 in a row because it might come back to destroy you, one compliment at a time. .
[via The New York Post]
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Boston Max
Spending my retirement fund at Trader Joe's and trying to remember to check my mailbox semi-regularly
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I can’t even come up with that many compliments for myself.
Only a complete stranger could say 144 nice things about me.
I was just thinking that. I could maybe come up with 144 nice things to say about my parents but that’s it.
It’s near impossible to give one compliment to 144 different people let alone 144 compliments for one, unimportant, not going to invent shit, future Medicaid and Social Security sucker that will barely leave the house after the mid day soap opera syndications are over person. What a waste of time and money, in that time, everyone involved could have invested in NVIDIA and seen outrageous monetary gains lol
That’s a gross amount of compliments.
I’d rather go to jail.
Imagine the amount of passive agressive compliments on that list.
“Her cooking was good when she didn’t completely burn it.”
“She didn’t sweat much for a fat girl”
I don’t think I could come up with 144 compliments for another human, but I could definitely come up with more than 144 unique compliments for my dog.