John Cessna’s mom was tired of him not having a handle on his life and told him to “sober up” in 2008. She thought the best way to do this was by sending out an annual Christmas card. So he did. Unfortunately for Mrs. Cessna, John took it a little too far.
From our reader, Patrick:
Back in 2008, my buddy John Cessna’s mom asked him to “sober up” and send out a Christmas card. Since then, he’s been releasing a ridiculous new card annually. This year’s picture features John getting sacrificed at the altar of a Santa-worshiping reindeer cult. You know, real heartwarming, Bing Crosby-type stuff!
Ol’ Bing would in fact be proud of John’s creative spirit and his warm embracing of the holiday season. Merry Christmas, John. You make us all want to be cheery and bright.
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
And the coup-de-grace, 2014
Nothing quite says “Merry Christmas!” like portraying yourself as a human sacrifice to an “Eyes Wide Shut”-style Santa worshipping cult..
[via Imgur]
He really got into the last one there….
Your article titles are getting dangerously close to clickbait territory, Big Mac.
They keep the lights on.
He really should get in touch with the chick from the other Christmas card story.
“Rule #1: You do not make Christmas Cards about Fight Club! Rule #2: You DO NOT make Christmas Cards about Fight Club!… Damn it John, what did I just fucking say?”
Hard sale kid. Hard sale.