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She’s so hilarious and down-to-earth, isn’t she? Like, you know her interviews where she talks about how she doesn’t diet and drinks all the wine? She’s so relatable. Or remember that one award show when she fell on the red carpet? Oh, wait, that’s every award show she’s ever been to. Ha, she’s just totally a girl’s girl who hasn’t let the fame go to her head. Honestly, if she met you, you two would totally hit it off and be best friends, right?
No.
Wrong.
That would never happen because there’s no possible way that Jennifer Lawrence would want to be friends with you.
On the surface, sure, you two might get along because, you know, Netflix, wine, and pizza. You probably have the same sense of humor. You relate so much to every character she plays. It just. makes. sense.
But everyone likes Netflix, wine, and pizza. You have the same sense of humor because you’ve watched all of her late night interviews on YouTube and attempt to emulate her when you’re out with your bootleg version of a #girlsquad. You relate to every character she plays because you’re a fan.
It’s nothing against you. I’m sure you’re hilarious. I’m sure you’re the “chill” girl in your group of friends. If you were an A-List celebrity, you’d totally be just like her. And you’re probably right.
No, wait, you’re wrong. In your mind, it adds up. You’d be best friends. But Jennifer Lawrence’s vibe isn’t the all-inclusive “cool girl” vibe that you’d identify with. She’s rich, she’s famous, she’s bitchy. Her “silly” attitude and off-hand remarks feel relatable to you, but has it ever occurred to you that she would act exactly like that towards you if you two somehow met in whatever universe you’ve crafted in your head where you’d be besties?
She’s rich, she’s famous, she rolls in quite possibly the most exclusive crowd you could possibly roll with if you’re an American celebrity. Any guy in his right mind would probably love to go to Cannes with Leo, golf with Jordan Spieth, and spend time with Matthew McConaughey on his ranch. But if we actually put ourselves in that situation, we’d be sitting there with our dick in our hands seeking approval from someone who would just want to be treated like a normal person and probably has enough friends as it is.
Her innocence comes off as relatable to you because it’s so funny and silly, but deep down you know she just wants to actually tell everyone to fuck off, including you. Between the media and everyone vying for her attention, you can’t imagine she’s in the market for a new squad when her best friend is Amy fucking Schumer. If you don’t have a million Instagram followers? You’re done. Can’t afford to fly to The Bahamas and play with those pigs in the water at the drop of a hat? Boom, you’re out the squad. Oh, you’re not going to the Dior Oscars after-party? Before you know it, texts aren’t coming through to you on the same group thread anymore. Sorry, that’s just the way it is.
Do yourself a favor and stop pretending like you could possibly be friends with Jennifer Lawrence. Oh, and Amy Schumer and Taylor Swift don’t want to be friends with you either. Actually, Taylor Swift probably does because she’s desperate for everyone to like her. .
Image via YouTube
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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You would think Jennifer Lawrence could find a better person to hang out with than Amy Schumer.
I assume they Amy just serves as “that fat friend” that makes JLaw feel better about herself.
That Amy* damn autocorrect.
If I was a celebrity I would fucking hate regular people.
I hate regular people now.
If I ever meet JLaw, my opening line is def going to be “loved your nudes in the iCloud back.” Bet she’d eat that right up.
I used to like Jennifer Lawrence. She was that hot celebrity girl next door that was down to earth and didn’t let the fame go to her head. Then she won that Oscar and it all changed. She’s not even that hot anymore.
Luckily, Anna Kendrick is a worthwhile replacement.
Anna Kendrick just has it
Lawrence, Swift, and Schumer are the reasons why we have the phrase “never stick your dick in crazy.”
You know, you say that, but… would, would, and fuck it probably would.
With Swift you do it for the song, not sure what the other two have to offer.
I always figured if Taytay and I hooked up and broke up, she’d write a song called “He has a big dick but he is a big dick.”
Hopefully she teaches T-Swift to do nudes because 14 year old me is growing increasingly impatient.
Damn Will, crushing a bro’s hopes and dreams over here 🙁
As a whole, we spend way too much time praising celebrities. Yeah, some of them are cool, but mostly they just have a shit ton of money and it looks pretty much the same.
Every time you think that you would be good friends with a celebrity, just remember that they are all the same drama geeks that you weren’t friends with in high school.
Don’t salt my game deFries. Truth hurts.
“Probably would”-ing Amy Schumer. PGP.