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I just spent a magical three-day weekend in the crown jewel of the Show-Me State. Missouri’s Lake of the Ozarks. I hadn’t been back since college, and boy, the nostalgia washed over me like sparkling, piss-infused, brown water.
The sensory throwbacks bombarded me all weekend. The smell of a musty, old lakeside convenience store that had remained unchanged since 1993. The harmonic symphony of jet skis, cigarette boat motors and outboard Mercurys rang out as I woke each morning. The sweet taste of a back cove gas station piña colada in a 32-ounce styrofoam cup after a morning on the water. It was just too much for me.
There was only one thing on my mind as I leisurely plodded my way through dozens of vodka-La Croixs and Michelob Ultras — it’s time to buy a lake house. Not this week, not this year, maybe not next year, but definitely in the next five years. The 2020s will be my decade at the lake. I have no doubt in my mind.
My parents had a lake house just 40 minutes from our house and my aunt and uncle have owned a lake house since I was just a boy. The lake is simply a part of me. I was born with a bilge pump for a stomach and a double outboard engine for a brain. I am at my happiest when I am hauling ass in a 24-footer with an ironically tropical-themed bar on the horizon. It’s simply where I am in my element the most.
Can I afford a lake house on my own? No. Hell no. That’s why you make friends who like the same things you do. Is going in on a mortgage with four other people a good idea? I don’t know. I guess we’ll find out. Owning my own plot of land in a cove just off the main channel is worth the risk. The thought of having a split-level four-bedroom compound decked out with cheesy disco-era nautical wall decor and Gary Cooper RC Cola ads just tweaks my nipples. Imagine having a cupboard full of Roland Martin DVDs that are entirely there for show. Tell me that you wouldn’t think twice about spending a long July weekend there. Tell me that isn’t a scene right out of your dreams.
A lakehouse isn’t a flex. It’s an incredibly selfless purchase if we’re being honest. Do you know what a logistical nightmare a lakehouse is? Do you know how many Sundays my mother spent shutting down our lakehouse? How many bags of charcoal and gas station ice we went through? Massive unforeseen maintenance costs? Drydock and winterization fees? Boater insurance? Endless lectures to kids under 13 about how the house rules on life jackets and backflips? It’s a symbolic purchase to your friends and family that says “Yes, I am willing to spend thousands of dollars a year for you to have a place to spend the summer and in return, I get to yell at you for standing up before I dock the boat.” It’s all worth it.
My family’s lakehouse hosted dozens, if not hundreds of people in the decades that we owned it. It was our summer hub. We got older, didn’t spend as much time there as we used to and eventually, we had to sell it.
There’s nothing I want more in life than my little slice of Americana. Whether that’s a 1000-square foot knotty pine shoebox, or a palatial five bedroom with panoramic windows, it’s a goal that is so nearly within my reach and approaching on the horizon. That’s gotta count for something. .
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Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
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My god. I want a lake house in the worst way. Might honestly buy one before I buy my normal home. They are just the perfect places.
I’m 100 on board for buying a weekend house while renting a M-F place
Lake’s almost gotten too aggressive for me. Asked a dock girl last week about a new bar/restaurant across the channel and she mentioned it “didn’t have a huge pool and DJ” like that was a bad thing. PGP
There are no worries that can’t be fixed by wood paneling and a screened in porch on the water
I agree with this 100 percent
Id be fine with a lake house as my only house.
My fondest childhood (and adult) memories come from a lake house. There is something about the sun, water, and freedom you can deep in your loins that almost brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it. God bless America and God bless lake houses y’all
Living on the lake is great!! Getting off of work only to go straight home and put the boat in the water in the back yard or simply sitting on the dock and finishing that 24 pack you bought 2 hours prior and ripping lips on white perch.
Except…..its all fun and games until the inlaws move in next door.
That’s worst case scenario stuff right there. My condolences to you.
The wife and I are looking to buy a lot at the end of this year. Not ready for the full house, but will be fun working towards it the next few years.
Get a decent camper and put it on the lot till you’re ready to build. Don’t waste precious lake time!
Solid Move, to build a house exactly how you want it is a lifetime goal for me.
My wife and I stand to inherit a lake house with her brother. I hope we can afford to keep it.
My family ended up selling our lakehouse because my brother and I were working too much during the summers. Didn’t go down often enough to justify the upkeep and property tax bill. Sometimes I’ll still sit back and remember some of those golden days in the heat of summer anchored out in the party cove with a cooler full of beer and a speaker blasting out boat tunes. God, I miss it.
You should steal it back