Sometimes in life you just have to lie to yourself. It is out of protection so you don’t lose your shit and go crazy on everyone around you.
There are just those days… You know the kind… that keep piling up no matter what you do. Paperwork, emails, phones calls you don’t want to return because it is all too much. Those days are the kind of days you sit and think to yourself, “God, is it 5 o’clock already?” Those are the days that you decide drinking alone is not such a bad idea.
Large bottle of wine had already been purchased, as had the pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream to complete the day. Perfection you think, until you realize it is Friday night and you are starting to receive texts like “come out,” “miss you,” “I haven’t seen you in ages!!!!” and all you want to do is sit and brood. Shortly after throwing your phone across the room because you got the predictable “Netflix and chill” text from an ex-fling, your dog wanders over to see what’s up.
Luckily, you keep doggie brews on stock, and go ahead and pour him one. As he laps it up as quickly as you poor you think to yourself, “Holy hell, I have to catch up.” And so the chugging contest begins. Onto glass number two. Doesn’t matter that the two glasses equals half the bottle, there is no one here to judge… except him. “Pour him another?” you think to yourself so you don’t feel as guilty about being on your second glass. Again, it is gone almost as soon as it hits the bowl. Glass number three. This is about the time that you start looking at all your friends Facebook’s and Instagram’s and think to yourself “I have no friends who want to go out with me.” Shortly after you realize your phone is halfway across the room with multiple missed texts… oops.
“Seriously, did I just like his Instagram from 36 weeks ago?” Dammit. Glass number 4, bottle gone. You don’t remember why the day had sucked, or all the stress because your dog is half lying on top of you, forcing you to stay where you are. Fine by you because you have a chick flick, that will never be your life, to watch and a pint of ice cream to finish. Who likes people anyway?
Wake up call… your dog starts peeing on you because you were too drunk to remember to let him out. Awesome. .
Image via Shutterstock
Weeknights sitting on the couch with a few fingers of scotch and my golden retriever, watching Boardwalk Empire while wearing nothing but basketball shorts. Livin’ the dream.
Can I come?
Only if you bring snacks and don’t mind that my dog selfishly takes up 75% of a three person couch.
Cuddling isn’t out of the question.
And I always come bearing snacks
This sounds like a Netflix and chill situation and we all know where that’s going
Jealous?
Postgrads need lovin’ too.
I ain’t hating. Do your thing, boss.
If you have some cheese on hand then you can just pretend it’s a wine and cheese tasting for one.
“I’m not having a glass of wine! I’m having SIX. It’s called a tasting and it’s classy!”
-Randy Marsh
I like the way you think.
Doggy brews? What are doggy brews?
Beer for dogs. It has no alcohol or carbonation, made with beef or chicken and malt barley extracts, mineral oils, vitamin B and other doggy goodies. Not harmful to dogs, but makes you appear to have a drinking buddy.
Anytime my wife is out of the house for the night, this my life. Red Heeler, black lab, wine and breaking bad/30for30
Had to give my dog to a family friend because as a pilot I didn’t have time to take care of the big guy anymore.
There’s doggie brew?!?! Where can I get this glorious treat for my puppy, so he doesn’t try to lick my beer bottle/wine glass?! :O