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I live my life superfluous purchase to superfluous purchase. It’s not that I like blowing money, but retail therapy just feels good when you’ve had too many IPAs the night before and need something to lift your spirits. Like, I don’t want to buy a $400 pair of cashmere joggers but, at the same time, I literally can’t fathom living my life without them.
But even I, a beta male who regretfully subscribes to the guy version of Birchbox can admit that this Washington D.C. power nap and meditation studio may be taking things a littttttttttle too far.
It’s called Recharj, which I admittedly love. I’ve been taking measures in my life to attempt to draw more from the Nordic luxury that often goes unnoticed in our American society, so I’m a huge fan of rebranding the word “recharge” to look like it’s something out of Norway. But what I can’t get behind is the actual concept of paying money to fall asleep somewhere that isn’t a hotel or Airbnb.
Per The Washingtonian:
The class programming will be the same at both locations, including the 25-minute power-nap sessions and 35-minute meditation sessions. A single power-nap session is $9, while a single meditation session is $18, and an unlimited monthly membership goes for $79.
I barely spend $79 per month in groceries let alone a place to take a mid-day power nap between lunch and my one o’clock meeting. This place has a “central meditation room with turf flooring and sound-dampening curtains; a power nap space, with six-foot bean-bags called Yogibos for sleeping, to one side; and a space for private and small group meditation sessions to the other side.” And with all due respect to anyone who has forked over nine bucks in order to take advantage of said amenities, you’re a total dumbass if you’ve done so.
Getting onto a six-foot bean bag surrounded by a bunch of stressed-out corporate suits sounds like an absolute fucking nightmare. The tension that must be emanating through that room is so palpable that it’s making me uncomfortable from my desk. But the most frustrating thing isn’t the concept; it’s the willingness for these people to buy in on this dumbassery.
I’m under the impression that I’d be better at spending other people’s money than they are. Not in the investment way, either. Leave that to the pros. But I’m talking about it from a pampering standpoint. I can delegate which scented candle you should buy versus which one you should throw in the trash better than Gwyneth Paltrow can. If you’re shelling over money to go here, please take the following steps:
1. Punch yourself in the face. You deserve it.
2. Invest in a mohair throw. “Mohair” is fancy for goat wool. It’s soft and probably feels similar to wearing a pair of $400 cashmere joggers.
3. Delete any app from your phone that claims to be for “meditation.” Listening to your iPhone through EarPods is the exact opposite of actually meditating. You know, kind of like trying to reach nirvana by paying hand over fist for a chill sitch to sleep in every afternoon when you could just do it in your car.
4. Go home. Cultivate your living space into the most relaxing place you can make it. Nurture yourself without being impeded by everyone around you. Don’t pay $9 to fucking nap.
5. Trim your scented candle wicks. It’s important and it saves lives. One wick pop and your mohair throw is up in flames and you’re on the 9 o’clock news.
But whatever you do, don’t get a $79 monthly subscription to Recharj D.C. and expect to release yourself from all life’s stresses. You know, no matter how tight their name is. .
[via The Washingtonian]
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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you spend less than 80/mo for groceries?! wth?!
That’s how much I spend in like two weeks. Are you guys starving yourselves or something?
I️ gotta assume he means groceries he’s buying and fixing himself. I️ think our boy prefers to grab takeout or go out to eat.
Ha I was way too liberal with throwing that out there. I probably spend $225/month on groceries.
Or maybe I’m a fatass
Nah, if I️ go bare minimum I’m at $25 and that’s literal salad, chicken and stuff for lunch.
I don’t even want to be rich for the financial security and ego. I want to be rich so I can have the freedom to do and not do whatever I want. I’d 100% yoga nap with these losers and then dress up in a tuxedo and top hat with a cane, a monacle, and white gloves and just pass out riddles hand written on napkins and then pass them out to everyone I see and it would be one massive treasure hunt to a huge amount of cash that I hid somewhere and then I’d just mingle around all day and probably keep doing psychedelic drugs and ramble out conspiracy bullshit like a nicely dressed homeless dude because that’s the true power of wealth, folks
Oh btw, a plane didn’t hit the Pentagon lol
Yea this is right next to the White House so I’m going to assume it’s predominantly frequented by staffers. Just another reason to avoid that area of town. Nap at your desk with the office door closed like a normal degenerate.
If you’re a govt worker there are plenty of unoccupied offices where you can nap fo’ free.
I would do all this shit if I was rich.
If i layed down to nap in the middle of the day, there is no way id be able to nap for only 25 minutes. Even if i could, there is no way id be able to be productive after that.
You really need to visit dc already and experience this plus Farmers and Distillers and the Georgetown waterfront in all its glory.
you know what works for me? closing my office door and laying my head on my desk for a 20 minute power nap. Works every time.
I wish I had the money to waste on things like this
No you don’t. I’m with DeFries, it sounds like a version of hell.
If DC is anything like God awful National Airport(that I went through yesterday with my wife) I want nothing to do with it. I saw the Jefferson Memorial, Capitol, and Washington Monument from the terminal. That was it.
Reagan National is probably one of the best airports I’ve ever been in in the country. Mostly because the security setup makes sense, and you can assume that a significant majority of the people in line have actually flown on a plane before so everything just goes that much more smoothly.
I’ve flown on plenty of planes. ORD, MDW, BUR, SNA, MSP, SAV, DFW. Here’s how it went as a connector from Savannah to National.
1) Walk down ramp.
2) Go to tarmac.
3) Stand around because there’s no direction.
4) Cram onto a bus.
5) Get to terminal.
6) Go upstairs.
7) Find out there are no places to sit outside of the gates to eat your expensive paninis.
8) Figure out that leaving the terminals to find someplace else/other food requires going again through TSA.
9) Swear you’ll never fly into/out again, and if you ever come back to DC, you’ll fly through Dulles.
Dulles is your solution?
Hahahahahhaa
Good luck.
Dulles is the worst airport in the region.
If you had to get off on the tarmac it sounds like you made a shitty choice in your airline and that’s not DCA’s fault. For anyone living in or visiting DC it’s common knowledge that DCA is the best choice.
I won the tickets through work, so I didn’t have a choice.
Besides, I’ve never been to DC. My choices coming back where DCA, CLT or PHL, I’ve heard so many horror stories about PHL, and I had no desire to visit Charlotte.
In your opinion, why is Dulles better than National?
Also, let’s not bury the lead, where did you get paninis at National?
It has to be better, I mean why would you have it set up that you can’t go to a different concourse without having to re-go through TSA. Georgetown Gourmet Market.
MCO as well, and MBJ.
Do you think you’re impressing people with how many airports you’ve flown through?
Do you think I give a shit?
National is by the far the easiest airport I’ve ever been to. It takes like 15 minutes to get through the airport.
SAV and BUR were awesome, and much like that. DCA? Not so much.
You’re comparing apples and oranges. SAV had about 2 million passengers in 2016, BUR had 3.8 million… DCA had nearly 24 million…
Yeah, thanks for missing my point about “easy to get through airports.”