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Cheating is kind of like that time you polished off two bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon for no discernible reason. It’s rarely spoken of and most people are going to look down on you for doing it. I’ve cheated before. You probably have too. And if you haven’t cheated then you’ve definitely gotten cheated on. Everyone does it but no one wants to admit it because, well, it’s kind of scummy.
But I will never pass judgment on a cheater because I’ve been one. Getting married is a whole different animal and if you’re cheating on your spouse that’s fucked up. No two ways about it. When we talk about relationships in your early 20s, however, temptation wins sometimes and that’s all there is to it. I’m not justifying it, but before a certain age, I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal.
When you are 20, 21, 22, even 23 years old — you are not a real person. Your life is not even close to being developed and outside of some real overachievers, most of us aren’t doing anything super important. Immaturity is rampant at all of those ages and your libido is on par with Wilt Chamberlains. I was such a dumbass at the age of 20 that I decided it would be a good idea to enter into a relationship. An exclusive, heterosexual, boring ass relationship. At 20. You know 20, right? Just the prime years of any young man’s life. As a semi-functional human at that age, I naively thought that this was it. We’d finish college, move to Detroit or Chicago together and get married at 27 or something like that. That obviously didn’t happen and if I could give one piece of advice to anyone under the age of 24 it would be to stay single.
Someone with more power than myself should make it illegal to be in a relationship in your early 20s. It’s stupid to enforce these arbitrary, old-timey rules on two people who, at a primal level, are at their sexual peaks. Vagina on vagina. Dicks in butts. Ten-person orgies. Whatever the hell you want to do, do it. You’ll never get your early 20s back so if you want to try something then just try it. Experimentation of all kinds should be getting put into practice. In 2016, we should be preaching having sex with anyone who is willing to do so.
Fuck anything that moves and never call him/her again. Drink a little too much and have some unprotected sex. Blow that guy you think is hot in the women’s bathroom at that seedy dive bar. Just don’t enter into anything with the word “exclusive” attached to it. It’s a fool’s errand and you will regret it. I can remember it vividly if I really try. I suppress the memory but when I think really hard I can see the pieces coming together. A perfect storm. I was two months into a relationship that would end up lasting two years. I was close to blackout drunk when I went up to the bar and ordered two beers; one for me and one for my roommate at the time. It was following a football game that had ended about three hours prior, so it was a miracle we were still standing upright. Before I knew it or could even really think about it, I had my tongue down some girls throat. I ended up going back to her place for a few hours, and yada, yada, yada, I walked home with a lot of regret.
I didn’t tell my then-girlfriend of my infidelity until after we had broken up. I felt bad about it, sure, but I was 21 years old. She wasn’t around that night and my brain was telling me one thing while my dick told me another. If you want to get on your high horse and tell me I’m a scumbag for it, I won’t blame you. It was a shitty, but then again so are relationships in your early 20s. Cheating should be encouraged at this age, not frowned upon. Get it out of your system before you mature into a real person.
If you’re reading this as someone in that age bracket, just stay single until you turn 25. Do it for me. But more importantly, do it for yourself. Your genitals will thank you. You’ll have more fun and you won’t hurt anyone’s feelings. Well, except for anyone who wants to get into a relationship with you.
Either that or you’ll be one of those people who got married at 23 and only goes out on special occasions. Don’t burn me at the stake for this, I just don’t find cheating to be all that bad if it’s before your twenty-fourth birthday. You can look at this column in one of two ways: either I’m trying to justify something I did a few years ago because I feel guilty about it or you know that I’m right. So which one is it? .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
“When you are 20, 21, 22, even 23 years old — you are not a real person.”
Just because you don’t consider your actions consequential, that doesn’t mean they don’t affect other people.
And before anyone calls me out, yes, I’d cheated on girls before I met my wife, and I considered myself a piece of shit for having done it. It doesn’t matter if it was an awful relationship, it was a shitty thing to do.
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Highly doubt it. Plus HUe sounds like a fucking loser.
Your actions can’t affect other people unless they find out.
That’s why I fucked around in college and none of my “girlfriends” found out until after a few months.
Dammit Frabst
I’m sure you thought this would be a hot take and would make for a great column, but this opinion is absolute garbage in its purest essence.
There are far worse things than just getting cheated on.
You mean like writing a column in an attempt to justify cheating and seek validation?
I think he makes an interesting point that just about every person has either been cheated on or has done cheating. – Like it happens. And now everyone points fingers at him, “you’re a terrible person.”
Admitting it isn’t seeking validation. Nor is it cathartic, IMO.
In no way should it be encouraged. The execution was awful.
If you want to fuck someone else while in a relationship, go for it. But have the balls to take ten minutes out of your day to sit down with your significant other beforehand and tell them it’s over. What a shitty column
Agreed, have the decency the break up with someone if you just want to be single and have random hookups. No shame in realizing you weren’t ready for a relationship, but to hurt someone because you want to be selfish is unnecessary no matter what age you are.
The irony of this comment from this account is just astounding
No one wants to hear my motherly advice about hookup culture, you can guess what my views are on it. But I’d rather see people be honest about what they want than cheat on someone they claim to care about.
What the fuck did I just read. You start off by saying you’re not justifying cheating, and by the end you say that cheating should be encouraged.
This is borderline sociopathic.
Clicked post too soon. This basically is him saying, “So I told this girl I cared about her, did the one thing that isn’t allowed in a committed relationship, continued to lie to her by not being honest about what I did, and then after we broke up I came clean knowing that it would only accomplish two things – make her feel worse and make me feel not so guilty.”
And it’s not even like this guy is some sort of sex god.. you know he’s just laying there borderline blacked out in his lame white socks.
Funny enough I had this conversation with a friend today. Admitting you cheated after you break up is a selfish thing to do for that exact reason. You aren’t doing them any favors by rubbing salt in the wound, it only makes you feel better because you came clean about what a shitty SO you were.
Tami Taylor advice – straight up.
No higher compliment than that
I would bet a considerable amount of my meager income to say that had your girlfriend cheated on your when you were 21, you would not have thought “oh well, shes young and not a real person so its ok.” Its not kind of scummy, its full on scummy no matter what age.
There was a way to write this without advocating cheating.
Yeah, you’re trying to justify your own shit. Fuck that.
Nice job on the “hawt” take. It’ll get you clicks, but come on Duda. No one likes click bait. I’ll say the same thing about the article and your cheating: You’re better than that.
Not click bait, just a shitty column
What I do when I’m blacked out is none of my damn business.
Good job admiting that you’re a shity person.
If you have an ounce of respect for someone don’t cheat on them. Just end it if it’s not a good relationship and then move on. It’s not worth emotionally ruining someone just so you can flop around on someone new for 1.5 minutes before apologizing and swearing that usually doesn’t happen to you that quickly.
Truth. And “coming clean” is about trying to absolve oneself. Period. Selfishness in its purest form.